Glossary update 2015

"Fingers" for England wicketkeeper Jos Buttler(fingers)

I like "Buses" from Blakey's often exclaimed "Buttler" at Stan Buttler on former UK Sitcom "On the Buses".

"Rommel" for England's master strategist Joe Root.

Harsh. The poor bugger Neph is carrying Mother England on his weedy little shoulders.

Comment on his captaincy, not his batting.

When batting, he's "Trunk".

I say "comment", more a therapeutic gag.

"Pisa" is England opening bat Rory Burns.

For Burns I suggest "Crapper" - it applies to his batting ability and how he stands at the crease awaiting the next delivery.

PeterCS wrote:Comment on his captaincy, not his batting.

When batting, he's "Trunk".

Trunk main? Tree "trunk"? Elephant proboscis?

PeterCS wrote:"Pisa" is England opening bat Rory Burns.

Pisa crap? Leaning Tower of?

So what's Hameed get? "HH" for "Hella Hesitant"

skully wrote:For Burns I suggest "Crapper" - it applies to his batting ability and how he stands at the crease awaiting the next delivery.

But that stance worked great for Johnny Wilkinson...

Alas, and so much copied after.

PeterCS wrote:"Rommel" for England's master strategist Joe Root.

Custer?

All suggestions duly noted.

beamer wrote:

Fred Nerk wrote:

beamer wrote:Anyway, recent ones that I’ve used or seen:

Joffrey: England pace bowler Jofra Archer. From Game of Thrones villain King Joffrey Baratheon, who was almost as nasty as Archer’s bouncers, with also perhaps a nod to crooked politician/author Jeffrey Archer.

There is not quite the same distance between Jofra's and Jeffrey's best and worst work, If there was, Jofra's bad would make Raul Lewis FFS look like Lillee or Holding.

He was a spinner, wasn’t he? You’d have some job making him look like those two by any means…

I don't think anybody was ever quite sure WHAT Raul was trying to bowl....but substitute Mick if it clarifies. (Or Chris.)

lardbucket wrote:

PeterCS wrote:"Rommel" for England's master strategist Joe Root.

Custer?

Baldrick?

Fred Nerk wrote:

beamer wrote:

Fred Nerk wrote:

beamer wrote:Anyway, recent ones that I’ve used or seen:

Joffrey: England pace bowler Jofra Archer. From Game of Thrones villain King Joffrey Baratheon, who was almost as nasty as Archer’s bouncers, with also perhaps a nod to crooked politician/author Jeffrey Archer.

There is not quite the same distance between Jofra's and Jeffrey's best and worst work, If there was, Jofra's bad would make Raul Lewis FFS look like Lillee or Holding.

He was a spinner, wasn’t he? You’d have some job making him look like those two by any means…

I don't think anybody was ever quite sure WHAT Raul was trying to bowl....but substitute Mick if it clarifies. (Or Chris.)

For me, Mick and Chris were always front of thinking in "Lewis FFS" to a player when it comes to worst RPOs.  As long as I live, the shock I felt after waking up to the result of THAT ODI in Jo'burg (akin to Headingley 81) i.e. "you are farkin kidding me, HTF did we lose???" will never leave me.

Still like Mishmash for Mitchell Marsh...and his equally crapola older brother 'Mush' (the tag the other Marsh who wasn't their old man was given in Paul Hogan's WSC send-up). Not that it will matter for much longer, hopefully.

That game was a nightmare but I wonder how close 877 is to an all-levels record for runs in a day (or a 24-hour period).

Of course its other record, is for being irrelevantly shoe-horned into more threads by the one poster on FB more often than any other match, statistic or event in cricket (or maybe world) history.

I acknowledge my JRich (to differentiate him from Kane) for Jhye Richo is a stop-gap.

Any suggestions? Victor?

lardbucket wrote:

PeterCS wrote:"Rommel" for England's master strategist Joe Root.

Custer?

I prefer my “Captain COARIAB” incorporating the Australian context of his name…

Other recent England ones I/others have come up with:

Tommy - Ollie Robinson, for his racist history, after his British far-right activist namesake
The Cheese - Ollie Pope, as in “Baby Bell”
The Window - Craig Overton, as in the political phrase
DH - Dan Lawrence, obviously
Red Ken - Liam Livingstone, after his political namesake

Fred Nerk wrote:

beamer wrote:

Fred Nerk wrote:

beamer wrote:Anyway, recent ones that I’ve used or seen:

Joffrey: England pace bowler Jofra Archer. From Game of Thrones villain King Joffrey Baratheon, who was almost as nasty as Archer’s bouncers, with also perhaps a nod to crooked politician/author Jeffrey Archer.

There is not quite the same distance between Jofra's and Jeffrey's best and worst work, If there was, Jofra's bad would make Raul Lewis FFS look like Lillee or Holding.

He was a spinner, wasn’t he? You’d have some job making him look like those two by any means…

I don't think anybody was ever quite sure WHAT Raul was trying to bowl....but substitute Mick if it clarifies. (Or Chris.)

Jon was the original Lewis FFS on here IIRC (someone started using it whenever he was named in an England squad, based on his apparent lack of the raw qualities needed in a Test bowler as opposed to a solid county pro). Now our bowling coach FFS!

Chris wasn’t an FFS talent-wise, but his attitude certainly became so, and not sure if he’s the only Test player to go on to be jailed for drug smuggling… that’s a definite FFS!

Still think the tag is harsh on Leach based on one innings. He’s had barely any cricket in a year or so and was thrown into the lion’s den by misguided selection. And I think he was just ruthlessly targeted as opposed to yipping up as per Kerrigan etc. Worse still, it made him unselectable for this match where with hindsight (or even foresight) we could have done with a spinner.

I was fairly confident that Rawl Lewis was the original Lewis FFS because after his first 3 tests in 1997 & 1998 he had a total of 1 wicket for 318. Then, on 12 Mar 2006, Mick Lewis took his 0/113 to join him as a Lewis FFS. A week later, Rawl played another test bringing his career stats to 1/388. However, he played again 2 years later & improved his stats to 1 wkt @ 114.

Meanwhile, it had was pointed out that Jon Lewis possibly deserved the suffix as well.

But I could be wrong. My memory doesn't seem to be working too well these days. Maybe Rawl was known as Lewis FFS on the ABC Forum before the migration to C4.

My memory may be shot too, W, but I seem to recall that Lewis FFS originated after Mick Lewis's ignominious effort in THAT ODI in ABC forum days. Sort of an outlet to we Aussies' anger at losing the unlosable, i.e. it was all Mick Lewis's fault FFS.

Rawl and Chris merely fitted into the persona over time.