Anyone connect this lot?

The dreaded return of one of "those" threads - prompted by the likely debut, sooner or later, of England's latest quick bowling hopeful. (First on the list FTW.)


Any additions?

What batting order?

I hope we can agree, even if The Big Ship rams his way into the skipper's berth, Headley should at least be co-captain. I mean, the clue is right there in the name.
...............................................

AT Anatomical Squad

Josh Tongue
Travis Head
Bill or Freddie Brown
Peter Handscomb
Warwick Armstrong
Niroshan Dickwella
Ryan Sidebottom
Jack Badcock
Ian Healy
Matt Hart
+
George Headley
(because two Heads are better than one)

Utility squad member: Dick Cunis


Probably do not make the cut on this occasion:

Fionn Hand
John & Peter Liver
Thighmal Mills
Ashley Metcalfe
Jos Buttler
Mark Footitt
&
https://www.espncricinfo.com/cricketers/john-kidney-52314

He has debuted, Ireland counts…

On one specific theme there’s obviously also Peter/David Willey and Quinton de Kock… and it’s actually Bob Cunis, slightly less humorously (unless he had a lesser known brother/son?)

Brydon C. Arse?
Toe-Knee (too many to mention… is there one with a third body part in the surname?)

Bob Cunis, BOB Cunis.

Unambiguous apols to Bob, and his feats.

We seem to have a lot in the nether areas.

PeterCS wrote:We seem to have a lot in the nether areas.

And we haven’t even got to Jake Ball…

Moving up a bit…
Jade Dern-back
Tom Armitage (England Test cap #1)
Salman Butt (yeah, we’re back there again…)
Geoffrey Legge
Mahboob Shah
Ken Palm-er
Knee-l Radford
Ear-n Bell (getting tenuous now…)
Curtly Amb-nose (yeah, that’s pushing it a bit too far I think!)

I’ll leave it there for now, before resorting to more obvious -cock names etc…

Pushing it a bit far indeed. I got a shot of neuralgia just looking at it.


You'll be suggesting e.g. Noser* Hussain and Rib-in Smith next.

*actually, come to think of it ...


Mohammad Ear-Fan https://www.espncricinfo.com/cricketers/mohammad-irfan-429981 might be less tortured than I Ron Cubbard (hat-tip Monkehh) - for whom Ian Belly might have been coined.

But not much less tortured, I admit.

There's a genuflection waiting to happen here:

https://www.espncricinfo.com/cricketers/michael-neser-376169



But now the pool is building up, and the puns getting worse ...


Any others, before we attempt a final XI, in some semblance of batting order?

Darrell Hair to umpire 

with Dickie Bird (gutter route) 

or Hugh Jarse (12th Man path)

Faoud Bacchus

"Nip" Pellew.

"All Hands" Zondeki

Doug Ring
Graeme Hole


Did Jarvis Finger ever play test cricket? I remember him taking a lot of wickets in the Brisbane First Grade competition back in the 60s & 70s.

If not Curtly, then Court-knee Walsh…

Lord Gammon of Brexit was mispronounced as “Iron Bottom” by a fair few foreigners.

If they don’t necessarily have to be human anatomical features, we can have Steven Finn, Mark Tail-or and Adam Gill-christ. But maybe that’s the opposing team…

Yeah.

If a Fishy XI is a bit flaky, then we could scale it up to, e.g.

Miscellaneous Non-Human Parts XI

I'm banning (just to let yez know):

Jack Fingerton

Jofra Artery and Sean Ervein

PeterCS wrote:I'm banning (just to let yez know):

Jack Fingerton

Jofra Artery and Sean Ervein

Vein Larkins?

Or Parnell.


Whatever else, it's good a few people have chipped in on this thread.

It really does make a vas deferens.

Also disallowing Derminic Cork.

On “nosey” ones, the name Jack Conklin came to mind for some reason, looked him up and he’s actually an NFL player. Kind of sounds like he should be a cricketer… gritty middle order battler for the Snoozers, or something like that.

Maybe find it hard to get a helmet with a grille big enough?

The only Conklin I'd heard of was the Keystone comedy actor Chester.

Brian Brain - going back a bit
Claude Toes-er (clawed?)
Aaron Heel
Brijesh Patella (any number of patellar)
Don Talon
Adam Gilkwrist

So close with Nova Penis-Kneebone!!

Wasn’t sure whether to go with my head or my heart on this one:

Aussie one test wonder Albert Hartkopf.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_HartkopF

I've only got two, Former Somerset players.

John Thomas (1901–1905) 3 matches.
Alan Whitehead (1957–1961) 38 matches

John Thomas should get in, despite relatively little experience (might need some encouragement?) on a DH Lawrence pass.