This is Pretty Worrying.

After the discussions about Collingwood, I thought I'd have a look over 2008 at our much vaunted "40" club and see how they have performed this year alone against a mediocre NZ side and the Saffas (on featherbeds) in 8 tests.

Cook 34 0 x 100's
Strauss 47 2 x 100's
Vaughan 27 1 x 100
KP 51 3 x 100's
Bell 48 2 x 100's
Collingwood 28 0 x 100's

Now to me this set of figures is pretty damn embarrassing considering we had left out a bloke and then recalled him for whatever reason who averages 28.

However Cook, Vaughan and Collingwood shouldn't even In my opinion be in the side over a period of 8 tests, and those against farking NZ!

Whats even more worrying is in 69 innings or whatever it is, we have scored 8 x 100's. Thats just unacceptable when SA in 18 innings have scored 5 x 100's!

Do these farkers who pick the sides not look at these things??

Our batting has been woeful for a good 18 months now, it's no surprise really.

I knew it had been bad, but didn't realise quite so bad. Bell's 199 has saved him big time otherwise he would be averging 33 or something, which means our lineup is no better than the bangles!!

I think Bell should be left alone now.
His 199 at Lord's was worthy of 6 months parole without an ABSO.

The rest of the muckers ... well, I daren't say a word as it might prompt the
blind Finkie to yet again accuse me of having a Vawn obsession!!

But Vawn's lack of batting form must now seriously be considered ... he just
cannot be allowed to go on clutching onto the #3 spot
(generally reserved for the best batsman in the team) with his poor showings to date.

Colly ... well, enough already said about that shambles of a selection.
Cook will come good. Was sawn off 1st dig at leeds ... forgiven.
Strauss - doing okay - leave him be for the moment.

Cook is struggling tbh.

Gritty 60's don't cut the mustard. Doesn't score big enough either.

I didn't utter a word about Bell after Headingly (that was painful), however, yes his 199 gives him a period of grace, but if he doesn't score agin for the rest of this series and the Winter at a decent consistency he should be back on the radar - as I have said - one swallow doesn't make a summer!

Vaughan has been in a poor trot. This getting sawn off, out in unfortunate ways doesn't wash with me. The simple facts are no matter how nice his cover drive has looked, in 2008 he has average 27! That is not good enough for a number 3!!

Wobbles should if he gets no score of note in the test MUST go, and we must look for a replacement to be inked in for the Winter before next summer!

Cook, also needs a score. If Vaughan continues his form, then Cook for me replaces him at Number 3. Nobody seems to pick up that his best scores and run of form were when he was batting 3 for England! Average of 50 or something!

Cook has done f*ck all of note. One ton in SL. Woop woop. Worst regular opener we've had in years.

Strauss has looked pretty 'mint'. But then, he can't score at his pace against a better attack. Almost looking Mark Richardsonesque. Without the runs.

Vaughan - I'll let merls do it.

KP - doesn't ever need to be talked about.

Bell - well, what can I say. Not convinced. Tougher conditions brought out the 'old' or should it be 'real' IRB. He hangs off these sort of innings for a long time. He tanked some shitheaps on a fluffer back in March. Saved his place. Proceeded to look like a limp-wristed little girl throughout the next series. Been one of our best batsmen though, all told. Doesn't ever make an impact. I'm quite happy for someone like that in the team. It's just we haven't calibre to back up his wishy-washiness at this time, so it becomes pretty telling.

C'mon Dan.

You can't be happy with a top 6 with 2 people Averaging under 30, one mid 30's, one who saves himself every other series with a 100 on a featherbed (this may be absolved - but I doubt it), and then Strauss and KP on form'ish at the moment!

Michael Vaughan wrote:Colly's obviously struggled of late, but he averages over 40 in Test-match cricket with a double-hundred.

He's got the old averaging 40 phrase out again, what a ******.

holcs wrote:C'mon Dan.

You can't be happy with a top 6 with 2 people Averaging under 30, one mid 30's, one who saves himself every other series with a 100 on a featherbed (this may be absolved - but I doubt it), and then Strauss and KP on form'ish at the moment!

I'm in no way happy Chas, here would've been my top 6 for much of the time -

Strauss
Vaughan
Shah
KP
Sales
Colly

ESPECIALLY IN SRI LANKA, YOU KNOW, SELECT PEOPLE WHO PLAY SPIN WELL - MILLER YOU QUNT!!! QUNT!!!!!

But, that's what I'm saying. I've been numbed to the preposterous teflon jackets these boys have on them.

Brass Monkey wrote:

holcs wrote:C'mon Dan.

You can't be happy with a top 6 with 2 people Averaging under 30, one mid 30's, one who saves himself every other series with a 100 on a featherbed (this may be absolved - but I doubt it), and then Strauss and KP on form'ish at the moment!

I'm in no way happy Chas, here would've been my top 6 for much of the time -

Strauss
Vaughan
Shah
KP
Sales
Colly

ESPECIALLY IN SRI LANKA, YOU KNOW, SELECT PEOPLE WHO PLAY SPIN WELL - MILLER YOU QUNT!!! QUNT!!!!!

But, that's what I'm saying. I've been numbed to the preposterous teflon jackets these boys have on them.

I'm not numbed, I'm inclined to give in.

I just am flummoxed by the lack of knowledge of how the players these QUNTS pick are playing on their current form.

I'd love to see a lineup of at the end of this series if we continue:

Key
Strauss
Cook/Shah
KP
Bell
Shah/Sales

It just looks so much better than the current lot.

You can't drop Bell just yet - I expect we will have another discussion about that in a few months time.

And yet we shambolically continue with the same garbelled rubbish selections.

I am thinking of an email to the Sky commentary box tomorrow with all this involved, see if we can gleam a response.

krikri wrote:

Michael Vaughan wrote:Colly's obviously struggled of late, but he averages over 40 in Test-match cricket with a double-hundred.

He's got the old averaging 40 phrase out again, what a ******.

Please tell me he didn't actually say that?

JKLever wrote:

krikri wrote:

Michael Vaughan wrote:Colly's obviously struggled of late, but he averages over 40 in Test-match cricket with a double-hundred.

He's got the old averaging 40 phrase out again, what a ******.

Please tell me he didn't actually say that?

Oh yes he did:

"Colly's obviously struggled of late, but he averages over 40 in Test-match cricket with a double-hundred," said Vaughan

Here!!!

He honestly did JKL. Pathetic.

who are the next gen of english batting? there was this guy who did decently in india on their last A tour or something - carberry i think. should england go for some new blood?

Henry wrote:He honestly did JKL. Pathetic.

Vaughan is coming to the end then tbh, can't believe he's dragging the old 40 average quote up...

Cook's still a good player. He's getting runs in difficult situations without converting starts. He's the one out of the three struggling who I would allow a little lee-way. He has spent most of his career learning at international level, and I think he's going to benefit from that in the long run.

Vaughan and Collingwood, well, their times are drawing to a close. Vaughan has been a great player for England in more ways than one, but when the time comes where he can no longer justify his place in the side as a batsman, he has to go in favour of somebody better. Paul Collingwood has always been a struggler on the outside, just waiting for the axe. It's reflective of the poor quality of English cricket that he has, for a long time, been considered an instrumental part of the master-plan for progress. Whilst I can appreciate a fighter, he has to have a bit of talent before I can really appreciate him. The statistics though are nothing new; Dello. or maybe JK, has at times posted similar damning statistics that out-line the poor quality of England's batsmen. Rarely though are they dropped, in spite of frailties. The exact same top six shall start tomorrow's Test as started the Test match against India at a similar time last year.

The similar story of Pietersen shining amidst a collapse unfolded there in our 2nd innings.

holcs wrote:
You can't drop Bell just yet - I expect we will have another discussion about that in a few months time.

TBH, I think we will. I expect to not sound too loony I'll leave it til then.

At least Bell is young, and he's one of only three in the top six who is averaging above his career average in 2008.

Vaughan and Collingwood have been pretty useless for about 10 tests now. That's enough, imo.

Strauss: captain in waiting - doing enough to maintain his place

Cook - sterling effort at Headingley in the second inninings at Headingley: needs a hundred though before the end of the series to stop the vultures circling.

Vaughan - is that the sound of distant thunder, or the fat lady clearing her throat I can hear? Technical problems to sort out with his batting pdq.

KP - leave him alone to play his own way

Bell - will always have his doubters until he scores a triple ton, one-handed off 150 balls against an attack including the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

Colly - hope I'm wrong, but I think he's running on empty.

Basil wrote:

Bell - will always have his doubters until he scores a triple ton, one-handed off 150 balls against an attack including the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

Fair enough, you can say it's that. But for me, he was back to his archtype at Headingley. He deserves no particular admonishment as he was amongst 'good' company, but singling it out - hello Ian Bell circa May 2008.

I'm not taking it as a disturbing sign. That disturbing sign wasn't taken away after one innings.

Double entendre

holcs wrote:
I'm not numbed, I'm inclined to give in.

I just am flummoxed by the lack of knowledge of how the players these QUNTS pick are playing on their current form.

I'd love to see a lineup of at the end of this series if we continue:

Key
Strauss
Cook/Shah
KP
Bell
Shah/Sales

It just looks so much better than the current lot.

You can't drop Bell just yet - I expect we will have another discussion about that in a few months time.

And yet we shambolically continue with the same garbelled rubbish selections.

I am thinking of an email to the Sky commentary box tomorrow with all this involved, see if we can gleam a response.

Aye, me too - I'm just giving in purely because we aren't seeing the blatantly necessary changes being made.

PS - Don't leave out Key - he really does command a lot of respect on the circuit, is batting well and is an astute captain -
whether in the CC or the H 'n' G. I've got a lot of time for the guy ... looking trimmer too !!

Brass Monkey wrote: Fair enough, you can say it's that. But for me, he was back to his archtype at Headingley. He deserves no particular admonishment as he was amongst 'good' company, but singling it out - hello Ian Bell circa May 2008.

I'm not taking it as a disturbing sign. That disturbing sign wasn't taken away after one innings.

No, that's fair enough - he can't dine out on the 199 for the next 10 innings...