Re: Glossary update 2011

by Fred Nerk Sun 03 Jul 2011, 11:37

ARROGANT (adj) - a word used by those who see themselves as forum leading lights, to describe 'lesser lights' who are insufficiently impressed by their incandescent wisdom, their devastating wit, their irresistable charisma, their elephantine ego, or all or any combination of the above.

by lardbucket Sun 03 Jul 2011, 11:39

not sure I've ever seen it used

[Red]irresistible[/Red]

by skully Sun 03 Jul 2011, 11:43

Fred Nerk wrote:ARROGANT (adj) - a word used by those who see themselves as forum leading lights, to describe 'lesser lights' who are insufficiently impressed by their incandescent wisdom, their devastating wit, their irresistable charisma, their elephantine ego, or all or any combination of the above.

Isn't that roughly the generally accepted definition of arrogant in the non-forum world, Nerky?

by Fred Nerk Sun 03 Jul 2011, 12:06

Maybe - but there are shades of difference, on the non-forum parallel universe the word may be aimed at a slightly different type of target, maybe those who do have authority but make too big a deal of it. I'd make a better effort at explaining what I mean if I wasn't so bloody tired.

by Brass Monkey Sun 03 Jul 2011, 12:21

Not really a funny explanation, but here's the history.

Triumvirate Of Gash - At the time, Northants had incredibly resigned the three-countied Richard Logan who'd been nothing but an abject failure in his three previous spells in FC cricket (incredibly Surrey signed him afterwards). He combined with David Wigley (a total Worcs-reject, who was like a demented, gangly version of Ajit Agarkar) and David Lucas (whose best day was like Mitchell Johnson's worst day - maybe like in an Ashes Test just after him mum's come out in the press saying he's got a nice willy and his girlfriend just sucked off or f*cked 700 blokes). They combined to have a bowling average of approximately 39. Now, get this, David Capel came out in the press to say something along the lines of 'at least we have a good seam attack this year' - a good f*cking seam attack?! It nearly made me cry with utter helplessness.

by skully Sun 03 Jul 2011, 12:24

Well, I laughed. Cool

And would you be amenable to ToG being used to describe other triplets of uselessness? Very Happy

by Fred Nerk Sun 03 Jul 2011, 12:44

David Capel, David Wigley, David Lucas, Richard Logan....spot the odd one out....can I take a guess at the Log's middle name?

by Gary 111 Sun 03 Jul 2011, 14:12

Here's a few suggestions:
AB(c) de V: (n) Alphabetically consistent South African batsman
Bad day for….: Opening gambit for racist outburst, usually by forummer ‘Henry’
Bedwetter: (n) Duvet bothering South African, Somerset and England wicket keeper Craig Kieswetter
BelfohlTM: As in ‘Ian Bell is in the Form Of His Life’, a popular refrain in English journalistic circles. Not to be confused with the Ian Bell who plays for England in limited overs cricket, unless that life is Luke Wright’s.
Boxhead: (n) Facially challenged New Zealand all-rounder Scott Styris
Boycs: (Yorkshire definition) A legend of the game, England’s second best ever batsman – after his grandmother – an insightful commentator, wit, raconteur and all round good egg
Boycs: (Rest of the World definition) A boorish, wife caressing former England cricketer known for his selfish batting and tiresome commentary.
Brezzy Lad: (n) Yorkshire and England all-rounder Tim Bresnan, a prolific purveyor and consumer of pastry based snacks.
Bruce Francis: (n) Popular New South Wales and Australian batsman from the 1970s, his cavalier attitude made him popular with the public and Australian forumers in particular.

by Yorkie Jill Sun 03 Jul 2011, 14:22

Gary 111 wrote:Here's a few suggestions:
AB(c) de V: (n) Alphabetically consistent South African batsman

He'd be better as de Filliers. But the V does rhyme better.

by beamer Sun 03 Jul 2011, 14:23

Captain Negative (n): Andrew Strauss, for his generally over-cautious approach (refer Captain Positive)
Chavi Flopara (n): Ravi Bopara, for his Essex-ness (qv Chav) and general inability to perform under pressure.

by Gary 111 Sun 03 Jul 2011, 14:34

Bruce French: As in ‘Its all gone a bit Bruce French’, when a thread suddenly takes an unexpected turn
Castro: (n) Fast bowling West Indian midget Fidel Edwards
Clarence the Cricketing Crab: West Indian cricketing mascot and lifelong inspiration for their batsman Shivnarine Chanderpaul
Crystal: (n) Crystal Gayle, former West Indian cricketer Chris Gayle, the coolest man in cricket
Derek: (n) Derek 'Jon' Trotter, South African/English gardening enthusiast.
Dirtbag: (n) Slurrey, South Africa and England slow medium bowler Jade Dernbach. A proud owner of one of those awful looking arm tattoo thingys.
Duplicate Thread: Hobby of prolific Australian forumer 'Red'. See also 'Nice Tits Red' incase you come across one of these.
Elders: Short lived experiment to give moderator rights to certain veteran forumers - much to the annoyance / mirth / indifferance of others. See also sooking.

by Lara Lara Laughs Sun 03 Jul 2011, 14:44

I like Clarence the cricketing crab. He sounds like he should have his own cartoon show.

by LeFromage Sun 03 Jul 2011, 14:51

Lara Lara Laughs wrote:I like Clarence the cricketing crab. He sounds like he should have his own cartoon show.

*sings*

"Meet Clarence - the cricketing crab,
He talks like a person - but also he's a crab.
His friends are into gays and mutual masturbation,
But Clarence just likes cricket - and hugging nice crustaceans.
Meet Clarence - the cricketing crab,
He's the crabbiest, fabbiest, cricket crab around.

And also he's a robot."

by Gary 111 Sun 03 Jul 2011, 15:18

Dello wrote:
Lara Lara Laughs wrote:I like Clarence the cricketing crab. He sounds like he should have his own cartoon show.

*sings*

"Meet Clarence - the cricketing crab,
He talks like a person - but also he's a crab.
His friends are into gays and mutual masturbation,
But Clarence just likes cricket - and hugging nice crustaceans.
Meet Clarence - the cricketing crab,
He's the crabbiest, fabbiest, cricket crab around.

And also he's a robot."

Glossary update 2011 - Page 2 48227d1165505543-cricket-world-cup-mascot-wtf-clarence

by Gary 111 Sun 03 Jul 2011, 15:19

Why Clarence the Cricketing Crab?
It is important to understand that WICB has not chosen an animal, but has instead designed a cartoon character based on an animal. The difference is subtle but very substantial.

There are few animals that are common to all the countries in the Caribbean. The crab is one animal common to all. But the basic animal forms only a background for the development of any cartoon character. Once Clarence becomes a cartoon character, the basic animal characteristics, associations and sometimes even negative connotations disappear and are replaced by the persona of the cartoon character itself. Therein lies the fundamental difference between the animal and the cartoon character based on an animal! The objective in choosing a background animal was therefore only to pick one easily recognizable by kids across the Caribbean, and not the characteristics or associations of any animal in particular.

For example, Mickey Mouse is not thought of as a rat but instead has his own identity as a friendly, helpful and entertaining cartoon character, and is of course a flagship character of Disneyworld. No one conjures the often very negative images of rats when one thinks of the lovable Mickey Mouse, least of all kids. Consider the background animals used to develop other cartoon characters such as Pluto (dog), Pepe Le Pew (skunk), Yogi Bear (grizzly bear) or Jabba Jaws (shark). All these cartoon characters have very positive images with kids (the target market) without being tainted by whatever the real nature of the animal in real life is.

by Yorkie Jill Sun 03 Jul 2011, 15:20

I love him already and want a plush one.

by Lara Lara Laughs Sun 03 Jul 2011, 15:27

Gary 111 wrote:
Dello wrote:
Lara Lara Laughs wrote:I like Clarence the cricketing crab. He sounds like he should have his own cartoon show.

*sings*

"Meet Clarence - the cricketing crab,
He talks like a person - but also he's a crab.
His friends are into gays and mutual masturbation,
But Clarence just likes cricket - and hugging nice crustaceans.
Meet Clarence - the cricketing crab,
He's the crabbiest, fabbiest, cricket crab around.

And also he's a robot."

Have you no artistic integrity? Where are the cheek patches?

by Gary 111 Sun 03 Jul 2011, 15:33

Fast!: Favourite obsession of regular poster 'PlanetPakistan', especially in reference to Mohammed Sami, Shoaib Akhtar and Brett Lee.
Fat Jacques: (n) Man-boobed South African all-rounder, Jacques Kallis. Object of affection for forumer 'Demelza'
Fat Sam: (n) Jumbo-sized Nottinghamshire all-rounder Samit Patel. Object of affection for forumer 'Chivalry Augustus'
Flangelo Gashews(n) Devised by forumer 'Brass Monkey' to describe Sri Lankan batsman Angelo Mathews. If Flangelo Gashews was ever to join Northants they would have potential for a 'Quadrangle of Gash', see also Triumverate of Gash
Fresh Air Game Game where a cricketer contributes nothing with bat, ball or in the field. As typified by Luke Wright, Michael Yardy, Darren Sammy and Gavin Hamilton
Future of Cricket (n) most commonly 'Super' Adil Rashid, the future of cricket is often touted by forumer 'Henry' in regard to any cricketer between the age of 13 and 30 once they have proved able to run in a straight line without falling over or soiling themselves.

by PeterCS Sun 03 Jul 2011, 15:44

You've been working unpaid overtime, Gaz! Very Happy

btw Isn't Mathews reckoned to be an A/R?

by Gary 111 Sun 03 Jul 2011, 16:01

Harry Potter (n) Studious, by virtue of wearing glasses, New Zealand all rounder Daniel Vettori.
Iron Gloves (n), Inept wicket keeper, most commonly gerbil-faced Pakistani Kamran Akmal, who was once memorably nominated by forumer 'PearlJ' as the most successful wicket-keeper/batsman in world cricket
Kerplunk: (n) Durham and England trundler Liam Plunkett
Kula Shaker: (n) Mediocre left arm seamer Nuwan Kulasekera, named after mediocre Britpop band of the same name
Mods: See Elders
MoYo: (n) abbreviation for Pakistani batsman and beard of the year wearer Mohammad Yousuf. Not to be confused with the far inferior and beardless Pakistani batsman Yousuf Youhana
Mrs Stokes: The forum's Mary Whitehouse, moral guardian and voice of common decency.
Old Poppadom Fingers: (n) Former England Captain Nasser Hussain, renowned for his delicate bone structure.
Play it again Sami: (n) Forum and batsman's favourite Pakistani paceman Mohammad Sami, constantly recalled by the selectors in their quest to create the first Test cricketer to beat Bradman's record and average over 100 after 50 Tests
Piranha Sultana: (n) Tongue-twisting Sri Lankan opener Tharanga Paranavitana, coined by forum founder 'Dello'
Princess Di: (n) Lady-like England fast bowler Stuart Broad, named by forumer 'horace' in honour of his similarity to the deceased Royal.
Puke Sh!te All-Rounder, Luke Wright, a common performer in Peter Moores' Sussex-heavy England team. Went from being one of many tagged as 'The Future of Cricket' to 'FFS' almost overnight, and has remained largely projectile excrement ever since.

by Gary 111 Sun 03 Jul 2011, 16:01

PeterCS wrote:You've been working unpaid overtime, Gaz!

btw Isn't Mathews reckoned to be an A/R?

Sometimes, depends how healthy he's feeling.

by beamer Sun 03 Jul 2011, 16:04

As nominated from the other thread:

Napeshit, to go (v): To launch into a six-hitting frenzy in the style of Essex's Graham Napier, who once hit 150 in a T20 match, although future occurrences have tended to be brief ones.

by Brass Monkey Sun 03 Jul 2011, 20:30

sh!t, I agree with all of them so far. Excellent work by the chaps, top marks to Gaz in particular, quality work.

by lardbucket Tue 05 Jul 2011, 13:47

some great stuff there, Gaz

by beamer Tue 05 Jul 2011, 21:09

Leader of the Attack: (n) James Anderson. Favourite commentator's cliche used ironically when he bowls complete shite. See Bage, Anderson Cycle.
Enforcer, The: (n) Stuart Broad. Favourite commentator's cliche used ironically when he bowls complete shite, which is most of the time these days.
StuBro: Stuart Broad, abbreviation in the style of singer SuBo (Susan Boyle) who at the time of writing would probably do better bowling with the new ball for England. Even though she's Scottish.
Luke Wrong: (n) Luke Wright. See Puke Shite, SHYTWRYT.
SHYTWRYT (pronounced "Shitey Wrighty"): (n) Luke Wright. See Puke Shite, Luke Wrong, SHYTYT.
Aussie Roofer, The: (n) Darren Pattinson, who bizarrely got a Test cap for England in a "horses for courses" selection in 2008. His international career was quickly made into glue.
Yessie Khan: (n) Hopeful nickname for bowler Amjad Khan when called up for England. See Noey Khan't.
Noey Khan't: (n) More appropriate nickname for bowler Amjad Khan (see original Yessie Khan) when he proved to be the worst England selection since Darren Pattinson (see Aussie Roofer, The). Proved particularly apt given his tendency to bowl no-balls.

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