BBC Commentary

I don't know who is doing the BBC's over-by-over web commentary on T3,
but some of the stuff reads like straight off a Monty Python skitt.
Here are some samples.

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0627: WICKET: Pietersen c P Jayawardene b Malinga 1, Eng 22-4


The thing I like about watching England is that, just when you think
it can't get any worse, it does. Malinga produces a ball so brutal
it's probably banned under the Geneva Convention, almost decapitating
the leaping KP and instead biting the glove before smacking into the
stumper's palms. No blame to the batsman there - that would have
dismissed the love-child of WG Grace and Don Bradman.


0632: Eng 24-4 - LUNCH
If I had a graphic of a white flag, I'd run it up this commentary's
flag-pole without furthur ado. Amusingly, Ravi Bopara and Paul
Collingwood punch gloves as they walk off for lunch. What would they
do if England were actually in a half-decent position - lie down and
get busy in the middle of the pitch?


0806: Eng 61-6
Siders gropes at Murali's teasers like a defrocked vicar on the
sherry. Dark clouds gathering, both metaphorical and meterological.

Sounds like John Arlott on acid!

Anniyan wrote:
0632: Eng 24-4 - LUNCH
If I had a graphic of a white flag, I'd run it up this commentary's
flag-pole without furthur ado. Amusingly, Ravi Bopara and Paul
Collingwood punch gloves as they walk off for lunch. What would they
do if England were actually in a half-decent position - lie down and
get busy in the middle of the pitch?

Yeah, that does my farkin head in - punching gloves after someones played a dot ball.
Must be Moores plan to make England look tough out on the field. I remember the WI used to do it - that was usually after they had creamed another Derek Pringle over pitched delivery through the covers though....

JKLever wrote:
Yeah, that does my farkin head in - punching gloves after someones played a dot ball.
Must be Moores plan to make England look tough out on the field. I remember the WI used to do it - that was usually after they had creamed another Derek Pringle over pitched delivery through the covers though....

JKL, they were doing it repeatedly during the MCG Test a year ago. You know, the match that saw them go down faster than the Titanic on the third day. Every over would finish, even where a wicket was lost, and the batsmen would walk up to each other and punch gloves. I can understand trying to encourage each other in tough ciorcumstances, but it made the players look like wankers.

And I think anyone could forgive the Beeb commentator for trying to inject some humour into it. He'd probably prefer not to watch it at all, so let him makes jokes. Otherwise the poor bloke would probably want to top himself.

So when and where did all this pseudo glove-punching crap start with England?
Was it during Naz's or Stewart's reign?

It's cringeworthy sh!t - AND it's crept into club cricket here in a big way now, especially with the younger colts.

Can't imagine it went on during Nasser's era - got to protect his poppadom fingers at all times...

JKLever wrote:does my farkin head in - punching gloves after someones played a dot ball.
Must be Moores plan to make England look tough out on the field.

Poor old Monty doesn't seem to have got the hang of it yet. Someone needs to have a quiet word and tell him you don't punch gloves after running yourself out.

I can't remember England punching gloves during the 2005 Ashes. Just handshakes when partnership and individual milestones were reached.

JKL, they were doing it repeatedly during the MCG Test a year ago. You know, the match that saw them go down faster than the Titanic on the third day. Every over would finish, even where a wicket was lost, and the batsmen would walk up to each other and punch gloves. I can understand trying to encourage each other in tough ciorcumstances, but it made the players look like wankers.

The same match where Symonds and Hayden basically had sex mid pitch after Symonds reached his hundred?

"I can't remember England punching gloves during the 2005 Ashes. Just handshakes when partnership and individual milestones were reached."

And nearly none of them either.

Huh? Which 2005 Ashes series were you watching?

OK I didn't read your post properly.

Maybe I was still a bit tired after reading that Warne BBC non-story you and tacky have jumped on, combing it with a magnifying class trying to find what the hell it was you got so excited about.

Fred Nerk wrote:OK I didn't read your post properly.

Maybe I was still a bit tired after reading that Warne BBC non-story you and tacky have jumped on, combing it with a magnifying class trying to find what the hell it was you got so excited about.

Phurt . . .. Warnie is just starting to show his true Vomit nature.

Surely the best ever glove punch was monty and harmi yesterday...after monty had just run himself out.

I mean wtf?

Were they celebrating denying vass a 5 for?

That really happened? Farkin lol.

Yep while they were waiting for the third ump to make up his mind.

Merlin wrote:So when and where did all this pseudo glove-punching crap start with England?
Was it during Naz's or Stewart's reign?

It's cringeworthy sh!t - AND it's crept into club cricket here in a big way now, especially with the younger colts.

In my one solitary game last season, my skipper tried to glove-punch me - after blocking the crap out of it in a 20/20 game FFS! And then the useless fecker ran me out

Henry wrote:

JKL, they were doing it repeatedly during the MCG Test a year ago. You know, the match that saw them go down faster than the Titanic on the third day. Every over would finish, even where a wicket was lost, and the batsmen would walk up to each other and punch gloves. I can understand trying to encourage each other in tough ciorcumstances, but it made the players look like wankers.

The same match where Symonds and Hayden basically had sex mid pitch after Symonds reached his hundred?

Trev, there's a big difference between scoring a potentially match-winning hundred, and blocking out an over. Do you actually understand the game? Moron.

Zat wrote:

Henry wrote:

JKL, they were doing it repeatedly during the MCG Test a year ago. You know, the match that saw them go down faster than the Titanic on the third day. Every over would finish, even where a wicket was lost, and the batsmen would walk up to each other and punch gloves. I can understand trying to encourage each other in tough ciorcumstances, but it made the players look like wankers.

The same match where Symonds and Hayden basically had sex mid pitch after Symonds reached his hundred?

Trev, there's a big difference between scoring a potentially match-winning maiden test hundred, and blocking out an over. Do you actually understand the game? Moron.

Trev in "I've got no farkin idea but if they're Aussies I'll take a pot shot" shock . . .

It must all be a front, because if he carried on like that IRL, someone would have punched his head in by now.

I'm sure he's had his head punched in a few times . . . that's why he now posts this crap from the safety of his computer.

That would explain the brain-damaged quality to his 'logic'.

Actually, he might be a boxer. Probably gets punched in the ring. And loves it.