England player ratings

Captain Cook is determined to keep his hand on the reins. Wonder what significant change there will be. Swann and possibly Trott are gone for good but some of the other luminaries may depart too.

tricycle wrote:Fair enough, the batting has been crap for a while, so that wasn't inexplicable, although the meekness was surprising. The bowling, otoh, and losing their way after every counterattack by Haddin/Smith. Guess they can be excused one bad series. Still expected England to take this series, 2-1 or more...  maybe I was underrating an Australian team at home, but their top order's struggles suggest that they still aren't that great, certainly not 5-0, maybe not even convincing series winners.

And how much of the limp surrender was mental? A lot of it, imo. Good time not to be in English cricket...

Bingo! Had not the tail wagged Cook's captaincy issues may have not been exposed. You might not be having these now necessary conversations if it had even been a tight loss.

furriner wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:Ratings? F*ck ratings. Do you search for the little good bits of poo in your diarrhoea?

.......

Probably the most memorable line I have read on this forum, perhaps even online, but I wish to god I could forget it.

So why haven't you golded it?

Brass Monkey wrote:It was apparently what we've bred though, isn't it? 'Mentally tough cricketers'. They couldn't have been more feeble if they tried. They were like a bunch of club cricketers, who'd never faced a half decent bowler before. Something has got to give. It had to give a year or more ago, when we fumbled around - now it's a definite. They cannot go on like this.

It can be telegraphed what will happen: heads will roll only AFTER India tank the shit out of us. Another wasted 8 months not doing something we should've done before.

Yeah, was a case of media platitudes if so.

Who were the tough cricketers? Prior to the series, I'd have said Trott, Prior and Cook mainly with Broad too (with Cook being more a person to concentrate for days when on form rather than gutsy). One had health issues, and the other two's form.... wonder if that had an effect on the rest of the squad too.

As for the India series, of course I'd rate our chances more now, but England have still been good at home. The pitches and conditions will definitely suit the English bowling.

It appears that Monty was not successful in luring a Seppo backpacking chick - via a social network - to his hotel room for some rumpy-pumpy after the Melbourne test loss.

However, the "same source" alleges that a couple of his England team mates have scored (no, no on the field) successfully all tour via the app. Tinder, which facilitates meeting viable (and presumably agreeable to a shag) partners in the user's surrounding area.

FMD. Apps for picking up chics  . . .
Whatever happened to the bar-room one liner after a few tots - 'ere luv, you wanna shag tonight? Hic.

They probably only wanted the participants to stroke their heads whilst they gently sobbed in the foetal position.

Merlin wrote:It appears that Monty was not successful in luring a Seppo backpacking chick - via a social network - to his hotel room for some rumpy-pumpy after the Melbourne test loss.

However, the "same source" alleges that a couple of his England team mates have scored (no, no on the field) successfully all tour via the app. Tinder, which facilitates meeting viable (and presumably agreeable to a shag) partners in the user's surrounding area.

FMD. Apps for picking up chics  . . .
Whatever happened to the bar-room one liner after a few tots - 'ere luv, you wanna shag tonight? Hic.

This going to hurt Skully.

The consolation/frustration shag - perhaps the most tragic shag of all that does not involve a goat or sock.

How did they keep their libido up? They were f*cked all winter (or summer).

PeterCS wrote:The consolation/frustration shag - perhaps the most tragic shag of all that does not involve a goat or sock.

Thanks tac . . . most informative.

The real point I was trying to suggest is that shagging around is not necessarily a sign of hubris.

I thought women were supposed to throw themselves at sportsmen. Have the English cricketers become that irrelevant that the poor guys need to use apps....

Brass Monkey wrote:It was apparently what we've bred though, isn't it? 'Mentally tough cricketers'. They couldn't have been more feeble if they tried. They were like a bunch of club cricketers, who'd never faced a half decent bowler before. Something has got to give. It had to give a year or more ago, when we fumbled around - now it's a definite. They cannot go on like this.

It can be telegraphed what will happen: heads will roll only AFTER India tank the shit out of us. Another wasted 8 months not doing something we should've done before.

Then we will have to endure the Giles era for a year or two before starting to regroup, how many promising careers will be ruined by then? Hopefully another captain's mutiny will make that as short as Moores' reign.

One position in particular that I reckon should be changed... it would be wise to let the dust settle for a month or whatever, I reckon. Until they've got a viable option that they can change to.

Brass Monkey wrote:One position in particular that I reckon should be changed... it would be wise to let the dust settle for a month or whatever, I reckon. Until they've got a viable option that they can change to.

Nail and head.

There is a need for everything about the tour to be reviewed - not in a sense of finger-pointing and offering up a sacrificial lamb, but it should be an opportunity to identify when things went wrong and why.

England player rantings

Carberry - f*&^(*!

Bell - f*&^^ f^!!%$£!!

Pietersen - f+)!!f"ff"!"£!!

Root - f*&^%$?>!!

Swann - f)!("*£ffff ffff$£"! f(("!!!

Cook - f(*&"!?><(*^% but had a couple of decent bats.

Bresnan - words f&^%$$£$ f!"£$% me!!!!!

Panesar - f()~@{}+_!

Prior - f!"£++}~@?>!!

Bairstow - f*!*£$%$%%¬! but kept tidily enough

Rankin - FF%(£%^£(%*£(*_!!!!!!!!!!! f!£*$E("£*("*¬¬¬¬¬¬¬!!!

Basil wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:One position in particular that I reckon should be changed... it would be wise to let the dust settle for a month or whatever, I reckon. Until they've got a viable option that they can change to.

Nail and head.

There is a need for everything about the tour to be reviewed - not  in a sense of finger-pointing and offering up a sacrificial lamb, but it should be an opportunity to identify when things went wrong and why.

True that point about calm reflection instead of headless hysteria. But you could argue against procrastination. We already know it's got a lot to do with: 1) batting stagnation and decay, 2) overall direction, 3) skipper paralysis, so why extend the misery with more of the same, followed by the certain coronation of the by then even more firmly installed establishment choice, the Misnamed King of Spin?

While the iron is still hot, the interview room for this or the other key position might not be as much of a whitewashed shambles as the recent ECB exonerations of everyone named.