Anyway, on to the ODIs, where we'll be much bet... oh shit

England ODI squad: Alastair Cook (captain), Gary Ballance, Ian Bell, Ravi Bopara, Tim Bresnan, Danny Briggs, Stuart Broad, Jos Buttler, Michael Carberry, Steve Finn, Chris Jordan, Eoin Morgan, Boyd Rankin, Joe Root, Ben Stokes, James Tredwell.

England Twenty20 squad: Stuart Broad (captain), Ravi Bopara, Tim Bresnan, Danny Briggs, Jos Buttler, Jade Dernbach, Steve Finn, Alex Hales, Michael Lumb, Eoin Morgan, Boyd Rankin, Joe Root, Ben Stokes, James Tredwell, Luke Wright.

What's that, then?

Cook*
Carberry
Bell
Morgan
Bopara
Stokes
Buttler +
Broad
Jordan
Finn
Briggs

Actually, apart from the batting and much of the bowling, that doesn't look too bad. I can see England scraping a no result somewhere, if the weather doesn't hold up.

What does Cook offer your ODI side?

What was I thinking - this is an Ashley Giles production.

Cook*
Carberry
Root
Bell
Morgan
Stokes
Buttler +
Bresnan
Broad
Tredwell
Rankin

That's a lot more steady.

Paul Keating wrote:What does Cook offer your ODI side?

Blow jobs.

Keeps his captaincy from ever being under threat. And also maintains his youthful complexion.

I'd send Cook and Bell home as they look totally buggered in mind if not body, and send for Sam Robson and Moeen Ali. It wouldn't hurt to have a look at them. Sadly I don't think either of them are Warwickshire enough for Gilo.

Oh no. I'll be so gutted when we get tanked in the limited overs shit. I remember the last 5-0 Test hammering... we won some shitty triangular tournament... I was awash with joy.

I'd send the whole lot home and say why bother...

Brass Monkey wrote:Oh no. I'll be so gutted when we get tanked in the limited overs shit. I remember the last 5-0 Test hammering... we won some shitty triangular tournament... I was awash with joy.

Lets give Paul Nixon the call again. Plus reverting to an old crocked captain did the trick so Strauss and/or Flintoff should keep their phones switched on.

Ed Joyce anyone? May as well stop him playing against us for Ireland again... he was the star of that Oz/Snz SODIT in '07 wasn't he?

Ashley Giles has added Chris Woakes to the ODI party.

Of course he has.

Of course.

...looks a rivetting series

Puke Shite no chance of a call up? He's doing OK in the Massive Wank.

Dello wrote:Ashley Giles has added Chris Woakes to the ODI party.

Of course he has.

Of course.

Good. The sooner everyone realises Giles is out of his depth as an international coach, the sooner the ECB will realise he shouldn't be the next England test coach.

I hope we lose 0-5.

...no you don't Henry...you'll be cheering every run scored by your mob and every wicket they take...you just know the future of English cricket will soon be in the wise and dextrous hands of Giles as coach and I Ron Belf as captain

skully wrote:Puke Shite no chance of a call up? He's doing OK in the Massive Wank.

Nevermind - missed his name in the England Clown Cricket squad.

Dougie Brown thinks England might've missed a trick not picking Chris Woakes in the Ashes party. For reals.

"He could've been the sort to make a difference. He's got that determination. He's got the sort of balls that too many of the players haven't shown this winter."

If only he'd bowled some of those "sort of balls" during his previous useless outings for England, he might have made the squad.

"And who's to say he might not have made the same sort of impact that Ben Stokes has had?"

Me. He wouldn't have. Because he's shit.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cricket/25644470

And he's not even a one day cricketer, yet that's the form of the game England play him in the most. Look at his List A stats, for goodness sake!

England have already found their batting all rounder in Stokes. They certainly don't need a poorer version in Woakes.

Henry wrote:And he's not even a one day cricketer, yet that's the form of the game England play him in the most. Look at his List A stats, for goodness sake!

England have already found their batting all rounder in Stokes. They certainly don't need a poorer version in Woakes.

Woakes is a poorer version of David Capel or Mark Eahlam (or is it Ealham) - anyway, some useless Kent allrounder.

Any side that is coached by Giles inherently makes me want them to lose!

A useless coach and a damn poor selector too! Hardly the creative mind we need in the setup!

I don't want to see Cook and Bell play, leave me out and throw in the youngsters, no coaching, no beating them out of their natural games, and see what they can do!

Must admit, I usually CGAF about England's ODI results, but this time I almost want them to lose. Ashley Giles isn't the messiah and we need some comprehensive losses for the ECB to see this.

Don't worry about it - they will lose. Heavily. Australia will score 300+ in every game that they bat first in, and England will never exceed the 260-280 range that their analysts have concluded is a winning score in over 50% of ODIs played since the beginning of time and therefore the only target worth aiming for (having blocked out the first 35 overs, keeping wickets in hand for a late thrash).

I see England ranked 3rd in odis.