'my duds better than your duds'

His brother is also a contender for this game.

F*ck, just lost the game.

Eh?

Fred ...

One Test Duds:

Paul Hibbert
Ken Eastwood (bit worried about his wicket though)
Shaun Young
Callum Ferguson
Les Joslin
Roy Park
Hammy Love
Hugh Thurlow
Bryce McGain
Bill Hunt
Paul Wilson

lardbucket wrote:One Test Duds:

Paul Hibbert
Ken Eastwood (bit worried about his wicket though)
Shaun Young
Callum Ferguson
Les Joslin
Roy Park
Hammy Love
Hugh Thurlow
Bryce McGain
Bill Hunt
Paul Wilson

Albert Hartkopf could be 12th man. A Leggie his match figures 1/100 and plenty but he did score some runs. Like Roy Park snr, Albert was a doc and also had a handy VFL career playing for University with Park.

Park and his son (Roy Junior) were my family's docs.

lardbucket wrote:One Test Duds:

Paul Hibbert
Ken Eastwood (bit worried about his wicket though)
Shaun Young
Callum Ferguson
Les Joslin
Roy Park
Hammy Love
Hugh Thurlow
Bryce McGain
Bill Hunt
Paul Wilson

Albert Hartkopf could be 12th man. A Leggie his match figures 1/100 and plenty but he did score some runs. Like Roy Park snr, Albert was a doc and also had a handy VFL career playing for University with Park.

Park and his son (Roy Junior) were my family's docs.

I thought you'd retired?

Bradman wrote:I thought you'd retired?

Readn' is ok, Rit'n is struggle. Pope's fave, "Rythmatic" is thereabouts.

Geez h, that sounds grim.

Take care, old cock.

Beamer

England One-Test Wallies (since 1980)

John Stephenson (1989, 36 runs)
Mark Benson (1986, 51 runs)
Andy Lloyd (1984, 10 runs, though never out!)
James Whitaker (1986, 11 runs)
Paul Parker (1981, 13 runs)
Gavin Hamilton (1999, 0 runs, 0 wickets)
Richard Blakey (1993, 7 runs, 2 catches - in 2 Tests, but no one-cap keeper in living memory)
Amjad Khan (2009, 1 wicket)
Boyd Rankin (2014, 1 wicket)
Darren Pattinson (2008, 2 wickets)
Simon Kerrigan (2013, 0 wickets)

That bowling attack would be comically crap, a few would struggle to land it on the cut strip! At least Jade Dernbach never played a Test I suppose...

What about Alan Wells, Mike Smith & Ian Blackwell?

WideWally wrote:What about Alan Wells, Mike Smith & Ian Blackwell?

All strong candidates, the bar is set pretty high!

The bowlers in particular picked themselves, as they were true “WTF?” selections and/or memorably and comically bad, as opposed to just forgettably ineffective as per someone like Mike Smith. Jon Lewis FFS’s 3 wickets ruled him out of contention...

Anyway, Wells was a bit unlucky. As was pretty much customary for the “county player of the moment” at that time, he got one Test at the end of the summer, scored a duck and was promptly forgotten about.

The likes of Stephenson and Benson were stick-a-pin-in-the-county-scorecards desperation picks, our 80s trademark.

For your one Test Wally wicketkeeper, since Blakey is ineligible, I think you should choose Arthur Dolphin, narrowly more of a dud than Neville Tufnell, who should almost get the guernsey for his name.

Blakey would contend strongly for your Double Duds.

Here's my (finalised) Aussie 1-Test Duds:

Paul Hibbert - 13 (77 balls) and 2. Did not bowl. One catch. (1978)
Harry Musgrave - 4 and 9. Did not bowl. No catches. (1885)
Shaun Young – 0 and 4*. Bowling 8-3-13-0. No catches (1997)
Callum Ferguson – 3 and 1. Did not bowl. No catches. (2016)
Les Joslin – 7 and 2. Did not bowl. No catches. (1968)
Roy Park - 0 (batted once, 1 ball). Bowling 1-0-9-0. No catches. (1920)
Hammy Love – 5 and 3. No bowling. Three catches. (1933)
Hugh ‘Pud’ Thurlow – 0 (batted only once). 39-7-86-0. No catches. (1932)
Bryce McGain – 2 and 0.  18-2-149-0. No catches. (2009)
Bill Hunt – 0 (batted once, 1 ball). 16-2-39-0. 1 catch. (1932)
Paul Wilson – 0*, 0* (4 balls). 12-2-50-0. No catches. (1998)

11 players, 16 completed innings, 3 re-dinks, 3 single presentations with the bat, 55 total runs, average 55/16 = 3.44. Bowling equally lamentable; no wickets at all, 346 conceded. 5 catches taken by these 11 duds, 3 by the wicketkeeper.

lardbucket wrote:For your one Test Wally wicketkeeper, since Blakey is ineligible, I think you should choose Arthur Dolphin, narrowly more of a dud than Neville Tufnell, who should almost get the guernsey for his name.

Blakey would contend strongly for your Double Duds.

I wonder if there’s enough 2-cap players for a team?

easy, just wiki the list of all england test players and have a look to find the two test players

There seem quite a few actually, though mostly from the very early days when Tests were few and far between. So in some cases it probably wasn’t due to being crap.

Since 2000 there’s been Chris Schofield, James “best cricketer in his family” Ormond, Rikki Clarke, James Tredwell and Tom Curran. That’s a good basis for a team of shite, though lacking in (supposed) top-order batsmen.

Actually, from the 90s there’s some “handy” batsmen - Aftab Habib, Steve James, Mark Lathwell...

Paul Terry and Ben Hollioake for a wozzie connection