Friday Funny (bump)
+2
G.Wood
Bradman
6 posters
The Flaming Bails Cricket ForumPage 1 of 1
Friday Funny (bump)
by Bradman Fri 22 May 2009, 06:32
Bored shitless and have to fly to the Territory for a funeral tomorrow, but am distressed there's no Friday Funny and can't be arsed looking for the last thread.
Not a joke just a wierd episode in my life.
Very old man emerges from jungle with a shitload of relatives, and approaches qmy and begins to talk very rapidly in highlands pidgin
Qmy
“Tok pisin blong mi emi liklik, sloim ka” (My pidgin is limited talk slowly)
Old Bloke
“Yungpela masta. Mi likim vot nau” (Young Sir I wish to vote) I’m nudging fifty and he’s calling me young and using a term that hasn’t been used since Independence. This should be a fun conversation.
Qmy
“long hap” (over there) qmy gestures towards polling officials.
Old Bloke
“mi votim husat?” (who do I vote for)
Qmy
“ples blong yu we?” (where are you from)
Old Bloke
“arasait maunten.” (the other side of the mountain) Ok! So that helps.
Qmy
“vot blong yu. Yu kisim long laik” (your vote you choose)
Old Bloke
“mi laik votim Missus Kwin” (I want to vote for the Queen)
Qmy
“Missus Kwin maski. Yu ridim toksave.” (She’s not standing read this ballot paper)
Old Bloke
“Nogat” (I can’t read) Ballot paper has pictures of candidates on it for just this eventuality.
Qmy turns to young man who was accompanying him. “Has he ever voted before?”
“He says he has”
“When”
“He says it was a long time ago.”
“Well who did he vote for then?” Figuring I could narrow it down to a decade.
“He says he wanted to vote for Mr Johnson but the kiaps (patrol officers) said he couldn’t..” Qmy figures Mr Johnson was some old planter during the bad old days of extremely limited native electoral participation, and the kiaps probably hated Mr Johnson’s guts, and starts flipping through a list of past members.
“And Mr Johnson lived around here did he?”
Just then the old man, a bit put out at being sidelined jumped in.
“Mr Johnson. He kam longwe. Longwe solwara we.” (He was from faraway overseas).
Then he pulled out a faded news clipping of a big qunt in a stetson.
Not a joke just a wierd episode in my life.
Very old man emerges from jungle with a shitload of relatives, and approaches qmy and begins to talk very rapidly in highlands pidgin
Qmy
“Tok pisin blong mi emi liklik, sloim ka” (My pidgin is limited talk slowly)
Old Bloke
“Yungpela masta. Mi likim vot nau” (Young Sir I wish to vote) I’m nudging fifty and he’s calling me young and using a term that hasn’t been used since Independence. This should be a fun conversation.
Qmy
“long hap” (over there) qmy gestures towards polling officials.
Old Bloke
“mi votim husat?” (who do I vote for)
Qmy
“ples blong yu we?” (where are you from)
Old Bloke
“arasait maunten.” (the other side of the mountain) Ok! So that helps.
Qmy
“vot blong yu. Yu kisim long laik” (your vote you choose)
Old Bloke
“mi laik votim Missus Kwin” (I want to vote for the Queen)
Qmy
“Missus Kwin maski. Yu ridim toksave.” (She’s not standing read this ballot paper)
Old Bloke
“Nogat” (I can’t read) Ballot paper has pictures of candidates on it for just this eventuality.
Qmy turns to young man who was accompanying him. “Has he ever voted before?”
“He says he has”
“When”
“He says it was a long time ago.”
“Well who did he vote for then?” Figuring I could narrow it down to a decade.
“He says he wanted to vote for Mr Johnson but the kiaps (patrol officers) said he couldn’t..” Qmy figures Mr Johnson was some old planter during the bad old days of extremely limited native electoral participation, and the kiaps probably hated Mr Johnson’s guts, and starts flipping through a list of past members.
“And Mr Johnson lived around here did he?”
Just then the old man, a bit put out at being sidelined jumped in.
“Mr Johnson. He kam longwe. Longwe solwara we.” (He was from faraway overseas).
Then he pulled out a faded news clipping of a big qunt in a stetson.
Last edited by Bradman on Fri 22 May 2009, 06:44; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : farked up)
Bradman
- Number of posts : 17402
Age : 65
Reputation : 35
Registration date : 2008-08-13
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by Bradman Fri 22 May 2009, 06:37
Hmmmnn! Trying to put the first few lines in bold has really farked up the rest of it. How do I edit?
Bradman- Number of posts : 17402
Age : 65
Reputation : 35
Registration date : 2008-08-13
Flag/Background :
G.Wood
- Number of posts : 12070
Reputation : 99
Registration date : 2007-09-06
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by Bradman Fri 22 May 2009, 07:02
If it happened in either of those places I could have shut everyone up with a bottle of Southern Comfort".
Bradman- Number of posts : 17402
Age : 65
Reputation : 35
Registration date : 2008-08-13
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by freddled gruntbuggly Fri 22 May 2009, 10:25
Two blokes are drinking in a bar.
One says, "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a
night?"
"BUGGER !" says his friend. "And I just joined Rotary.....
One says, "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a
night?"
"BUGGER !" says his friend. "And I just joined Rotary.....
freddled gruntbuggly
- Number of posts : 2959
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2007-09-03
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by freddled gruntbuggly Fri 22 May 2009, 10:25
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got a friggin call centre in Afghanistan ..
I told them I was suicidal ..
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck .
Got a friggin call centre in Afghanistan ..
I told them I was suicidal ..
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck .
freddled gruntbuggly- Number of posts : 2959
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2007-09-03
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by taipan Fri 22 May 2009, 10:29
freddled gruntbuggly wrote:I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got a friggin call centre in Afghanistan ..
I told them I was suicidal ..
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck .
Enter batty, bucky etc stage right
taipan
- Number of posts : 48416
Age : 123
Reputation : 115
Registration date : 2007-08-31
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by freddled gruntbuggly Fri 22 May 2009, 11:24
I wonder if either of them's heard the 'they blow up so quickly these days' joke.
freddled gruntbuggly- Number of posts : 2959
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2007-09-03
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by taipan Fri 22 May 2009, 11:25
freddled gruntbuggly wrote:I wonder if either of them's heard the 'they blow up so quickly these days' joke.
*SNIGGER*
taipan- Number of posts : 48416
Age : 123
Reputation : 115
Registration date : 2007-08-31
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by Bradman Fri 22 May 2009, 11:32
freddled gruntbuggly wrote:I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got a friggin call centre in Afghanistan ..
I told them I was suicidal ..
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck .
Actually that's not bad.
Bradman- Number of posts : 17402
Age : 65
Reputation : 35
Registration date : 2008-08-13
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by jim rich Fri 22 May 2009, 11:44
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he
approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you
seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my arse," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come
into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he retorted.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some
embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there
is something wrong with your ear, or something, and then discussed the
problem further with the doctor in private."
"Well, you shouldn't ask people things in a room full of
others, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smirked and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist
nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't shit out of it," the man replied.
approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you
seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my arse," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come
into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he retorted.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some
embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there
is something wrong with your ear, or something, and then discussed the
problem further with the doctor in private."
"Well, you shouldn't ask people things in a room full of
others, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smirked and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist
nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't shit out of it," the man replied.
jim rich
- Number of posts : 829
Age : 49
Reputation : 5
Registration date : 2008-09-01
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by freddled gruntbuggly Fri 22 May 2009, 12:00
Nop, Jimmy boy, you've got that one wrong.
The bloke goes into the doctor and after being asked what was up replies "There's something wrong with my arse, it's making the most dreadful noises."
The doctor asks "What kind of noises?" and the bloke says "Just listen". He drops his daks, bends over, spreads his cheeks and, sure enough, the most ghastly sound fills the room:
"Good Old Collingwood Forever, They know how to play the game . . . "
And the doctor says "I don't think there's anything to worry about. You find a lot of arseholes singing that song."
The bloke goes into the doctor and after being asked what was up replies "There's something wrong with my arse, it's making the most dreadful noises."
The doctor asks "What kind of noises?" and the bloke says "Just listen". He drops his daks, bends over, spreads his cheeks and, sure enough, the most ghastly sound fills the room:
"Good Old Collingwood Forever, They know how to play the game . . . "
And the doctor says "I don't think there's anything to worry about. You find a lot of arseholes singing that song."
freddled gruntbuggly- Number of posts : 2959
Reputation : 0
Registration date : 2007-09-03
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by jim rich Fri 22 May 2009, 12:07
And the doctor says "I don't think there's anything to worry about. You find a lot of arseholes singing that song."
That would be true of the hand (fist) on heart choir too.
jim rich- Number of posts : 829
Age : 49
Reputation : 5
Registration date : 2008-09-01
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by Big_Bad_Bob Fri 22 May 2009, 14:09
jim rich wrote:An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he
approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you
seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my arse," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come
into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he retorted.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some
embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there
is something wrong with your ear, or something, and then discussed the
problem further with the doctor in private."
"Well, you shouldn't ask people things in a room full of
others, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smirked and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist
nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't shit out of it," the man replied.
Brilliant!
Mucho mirtho in the office after just recounting that.
Big_Bad_Bob
- Number of posts : 3718
Reputation : 4
Registration date : 2007-09-28
Flag/Background :
Re: Friday Funny (bump)
by jim rich Fri 22 May 2009, 14:49
Here's another that hit my fantasy:
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a
barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while,
he yells to the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I
think it's fair - given that you are blind - that you know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional
weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional
wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a
barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while,
he yells to the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I
think it's fair - given that you are blind - that you know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional
weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional
wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
jim rich- Number of posts : 829
Age : 49
Reputation : 5
Registration date : 2008-09-01
Flag/Background :
Page 1 of 1
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
» Let's give Bairstow a break
» English Domestic Season 2024
» Anyone seen any good movies recently?
» Jesus, this place is dead...
» Rugby League 2024
» AFL 2024
» Celebrity Death List MMXXIV/The Death Thread 2024
» In other news ....