Come on Mynah.........

I presume you weren't talking about the dish of noodles.

taipan wrote:

mynah wrote:Working on them. In the mean time I can assure you that they are not urban myths. Plenty of eyewitnesses - and one had quite a nasty twist in the tail...

So where are they?

Here's the one. Took a long time to write. (I had to take breaks to work - unlike the poor sods below...)

The one that happened on the stairs between the second and the third floor was a legend of the establishment, though it happened a year or two before I started working there as a reporter. The photographer on night duty had taken some pics of a wannabe beauty queen in return for some favours, to be exchanged on the given night at the darkroom. Adventurously, they settled for the staircase, not considering that the two-humped camel may not prove too surefooted once things really got interesting. The slip was narrowly avoided – but unfortunately the young lady was sufficiently startled to experience an involuntary contraction of muscles, thus capturing him like a naked mole rat in a molesnake's jaws.

The occasional passing of footsteps nearby did little to promote relaxation. Eventually it dawned on them that, unless they were to spend the night upright freezing their butts off and waiting for the early morning arrival of Joey, the white-haired darkroom assistant who had Bible verses on her cubicle door, they had better do something. Next time, therefore, when they heard someone approaching, they screamed for help – realising too late it was not Mike, the night editor who was too jaded to be shocked by anything, but Alan, the company gossip. Still, there are times when one can’t be too fussy.

Promising to be discreet, Alan made his way to the pub across the road, which was always packed with journalists, photographers and other colleagues, to ask for ice. Being a Scot he didn’t want to pay for the stuff, so, regretfully – and in his sorrow forgetting to whisper – he was forced to explain to Diamond the bartender just why he needed it. Diamond was kind enough to volunteer his personal help at once, stopping only to lock up the empty barroom behind the huge crowd who were streaming across the road.

At the scene of the accident, so to speak, matters had not improved. A suggestion of simultaneous tugs from opposite directions was summarily rejected by both role players. It had to be pointed out to another helpful soul that unexpectedly firing a gun close by was supposed to cure hiccups, which wasn’t quite the same thing. The most popular solution mooted was throwing buckets of water over the two. In the end, though, it was the ice that did it, presumably because it shrunk the problem to manageable proportions.

The twosome survived without permanent structural damage – though the photographer quit his job shortly afterwards. His colleagues often related the story with glee, although they’d never divulge his name: Honour amongst thieves, I suppose. (Photographers are an even more disreputable lot than journalists, though not as bad as poets.)

Some years later I enjoyed an alcohol-enriched meal with a number of colleagues from other papers. On the bus afterwards we were in talkative mood, and when the subject of embarrassing incidents came up, I proceeded to relate this story. Suddenly the newly-appointed photographer accompanying me turned as red as the light above a brothel. “Please,” he pleaded, “Please don’t go on…”

Looking forward to the other one!

mynah wrote:

taipan wrote:

mynah wrote:Working on them. In the mean time I can assure you that they are not urban myths. Plenty of eyewitnesses - and one had quite a nasty twist in the tail...

So where are they?

Here's the one. Took a long time to write. (I had to take breaks to work - unlike the poor sods below...)

[.......................... “Please,” he pleaded, “Please don’t go on…”
[/i]

Great story, well told!!

Thanks!

The guy admitted it happened just two days before he got married, so the bastid deserved it! Could consider himself lucky he didn't end up with Vase Neck Constriction Gangrene. Would have taken some explanation to his bride...

"Would have taken some explanation to his bride..."

Why bother getting married?

Women will believe anything if they want to ...

One of my mates was going out with a "born again" christian who decided she needed to become a "born again" virgin and save what was left for marriage ....he convinced her that if he was wearing a condom it didn't count as sex as there was no direct genital contact ....

embee wrote:a "born again" christian who decided she needed to become a "born again" virgin and save what was left for marriage

So did she use super glue to get that genie back in the bottle?

Tied the hairs on the left side to the hairs on the right side ....

embee wrote:Women will believe anything if they want to ...

One of my mates was going out with a "born again" christian who decided she needed to become a "born again" virgin and save what was left for marriage ....he convinced her that if he was wearing a condom it didn't count as sex as there was no direct genital contact ....

The fact that she was a "born again Christian" gives the clue - she'd believe anything.

embee wrote:Tied the hairs on the left side to the hairs on the right side ....

........... once new a girl with corn rows.............

embee wrote:Tied the hairs on the left side to the hairs on the right side ....

The end result would be kind of like getting it caught in a zipper...

Bump

taipan wrote:Bump

I know you're waiting for the other story - hope to get round to it soon...

I'm still reading research about the first one.

A sticky situation.

Demelza wrote:I'm still reading research about the first one.

As medical disasters, it ranks with the Great Dustette Epidemic of the 70s.

Apparently Lorena Bobbitt and the infamous Hoover Dustette are to star in a schlock horror movie, 'Free Willy'.

lardbucket wrote:Apparently Lorena Bobbitt and the infamous Hoover Dustette are to star in a schlock horror movie, 'Free Willy'.

I take it John Bobbitt turned down the male lead?

mynah wrote:

lardbucket wrote:Apparently Lorena Bobbitt and the infamous Hoover Dustette are to star in a schlock horror movie, 'Free Willy'.

I take it John Bobbitt turned down the male lead?

He had to, mynah, every time the director yelled "cut" he fled the set in blind panic fear.

Especially considering the accompanying gesture with the clapperboard...

typical mynah thread