Just got this by email

You've probably all seen it before , but WTF . . .it was good for a laugh and reminded me of my days in the office . .

How To Poo At Work
Weve all been there but dont like to admit it. Weve all
kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something
brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves
otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable. For those who hate
pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking
a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When f@rting, you walk briskly around the office so the
smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but
doesnt know where it came from. Be careful when you do
this. Do not stop until the full F@rt has been expelled.
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your
pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in
and check for other pooers. If there are others in the
bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to
become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if
they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A f@rt that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a
sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do
not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are
standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did
not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable
for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel
uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poo, several f@rts slip out at a machine gun
pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a
hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in
the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the
water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to
stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught
doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you
have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very
uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As
with f@rts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not
exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER
A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You
will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom
with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always
look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer
before entering the bathroom.

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency
pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to
monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and
identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly
of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer
of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most
shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking
a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the
Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom
that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very
effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove
all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire
, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in
peace.

WATERMELON
A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates series of loud splashes in
the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using
Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or
sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax
while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when
the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the
other bathroom attendees.

I reckon Merlo would be an Unlce Ted . . .

Does this pass as Aussie humour?

I know when I ring RD on his mobile I regularly get the dunny echo on the line.

Uncle Ted descibes how smerk forums

JKLever wrote:Does this pass as Aussie humour?

Of course.

I'm not sure if it's meant to be funny, JKL, but it's pretty spot on . . . when you share an office with only 2 sh!tters with 45 staff . . . getting a good poo in is a real battle . . .

tac wrote:I reckon Merlo would be an Unlce Ted . . .

Nah .... no way ...
I'm more the considerate COURTESY FLUSH kinda guy ...what with all the tandooris and phals I digest!
Death by Odour would be de rigueur for the next bloke otherwise!

tac wrote:I'm not sure if it's meant to be funny, JKL, but it's pretty spot on . . . when you share an office with only 2 sh!tters with 45 staff . . . getting a good poo in is a real battle . . .

He probably wouldn't understand. Lever strikes me as the type that goes home to sh!t

The kind of bloke that sh!ts where he sleeps . . .

Hella sh!tty thread.

G.Wood wrote:Uncle Ted descibes how smerk forums

I think I forum more like Father Ted, than Uncle Ted, Woody. But thanks for the consideration..

I am a considerate kind of guy smerky

Point dually noted.

JKLever wrote:Does this pass as Aussie humour?

Ever so awkward for a British chap.

Hello everyone.

Please note I have added some words used in this thread to the censored word list. This is to avoid any attention from the hosts.

You will see which words.

sh*tters, eh?

Ahhh, good work Fromage.

You arse-kissing little gimp, smerky!

sh!tters really?

It's worse. F@rting? Seriously?

Ah, found it.

@ tac v Smerkle.

And how come Laura didn't sniff this thread out?

It's a POO thread . .he obviously saw it and withdrew . . .

Having a poo at work is just WRONG! For goodness sake, people. Control your bowels!