England v West Indies, 1st Test, Lords, 17-21 May, 2012

tricycle wrote:

Dello wrote:Oh, no, the bouncer hit him higher up on the forehead. Took it like a champ. Left no mark.

But later that evening at dinner he smashed his nose on the edge of the trough.

Makes sense, was the trough filled with pies, carbs and wheat too?

It was filled with dead barmaids. And some wheat.

Dello wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:Gatting. Barmaids. You get my point.

Has anyone mentioned barmaids yet?

Seems like someone would've brought it up by now.

That unfortunate incident appears to have been lost in the mists of time.

Dello wrote:

tricycle wrote:

Dello wrote:Oh, no, the bouncer hit him higher up on the forehead. Took it like a champ. Left no mark.

But later that evening at dinner he smashed his nose on the edge of the trough.

Makes sense, was the trough filled with pies, carbs and wheat too?

It was filled with dead barmaids. And some wheat.

Another form of pie then.

tricycle wrote:Hasn't he also played football?

Aye, like Keith Barker, he's played a few league games before giving up to play cricket. Also like his dad, he played for Brighton.

Brass Monkey wrote:Hmmmm, that third one. The horndog. I think I know her. Or have masturbated violently over her. Same thing.

Three most certainly is the magic number. Like Cameron Diaz if she wasn't all stringy and not that hot anymore.

tricycle wrote:

Dello wrote:

tricycle wrote:

Dello wrote:Oh, no, the bouncer hit him higher up on the forehead. Took it like a champ. Left no mark.

But later that evening at dinner he smashed his nose on the edge of the trough.

Makes sense, was the trough filled with pies, carbs and wheat too?

It was filled with dead barmaids. And some wheat.

Another form of pie then.

There's a pattern to his murders. He's eaten calculators before - but only after typing 3.14159265 onto the screen.

Dello wrote:There's a pattern to his murders. He's eaten calculators before - but only after typing 3.14159265 onto the screen.

So, is he smart enough to know so many digits of pi? Thought he'd get stuck with two of his stubby digits there.

Brass Monkey wrote:Aye, like Keith Barker, he's played a few league games before giving up to play cricket. Also like his dad, he played for Brighton.

Cheers, Monkey.

tricycle wrote:

Dello wrote:There's a pattern to his murders. He's eaten calculators before - but only after typing 3.14159265 onto the screen.

So, is he smart enough to know so many digits of pi? Thought he'd get stuck with two of his stubby digits there.

It's a crazy coincidence, but he's able to remember it because 3.14159265 is the exact number of Shredded Wheat he can eat at one sitting. Which totally f*cks Botham off as he famously can't manage even three.

That's why they've been feuding for all these years.

Asif. I bet Michael Gatting could crush 3.14159265 Shredded Wheat and snort them in one sitting.

3.14159265 of shredded wheat's a doddle for Gatting surely, shame for Botham, he must have been desperate to put his leg over it while chomping on it. It just musn't have been as quick.

Brass Monkey wrote:Asif. I bet Michael Gatting could crush 3.14159265 Shredded Wheat and snort them in one sitting.

He had to leave room for the starter, main course, pudding, and then the trough of barmaids. Oh, and the cheese and crackers.

tricycle wrote:Who is Shannon Gabriel?

Dunno, but she sounds sexy.

Aye, think Holding commented on that in commentary. He was in a hurry to get in the crease, still served West Indies better overall, I think.

Dello wrote:

tricycle wrote:Who is Shannon Gabriel?

Dunno, but she sounds sexy.

Was she eaten by Gatting?

Yeah, they mentioned that on commentary. In a conversation about how much of a non-team-player he is.

It was Mikey Holding's reasoning behind not considering him a great player - he's never won games for the Windies. Even when they had quite a decent team. He's always just done his own thing, in his own sweet time, for his own sweet stats.

tricycle wrote:Aye, think Holding commented on that in commentary.

There's a lot of echo in this thread. Servers must be high up on a mountain or something.

Or underground, in a dodgy and empty cellar.

Fritzl wasn't using his anymore, so...

Gatting took the barmaids in?

Brass Monkey wrote:

beamer wrote:
Fair enough to do that if you've got a reasonable number 8 or 9 at the other end, use him as a sort of pseudo-nightwatchman. But a genuine bunny like Edwards, that is playing for yourself rather than the team!

Anyway, if Fiddy bats 10 then Gabriel really must be a Chris Martin clone. Watch him hold us up for an hour now I've said that...

Exactly, we're talking an absolute leporid here... he's thinking of a ton more than anything.

If he's thinking of a ton he should at least up his strike rate. That's what gets me more than not shielding the tail. Edwards is usually capable of blocking reasonably welll he usually gets into trouble when he tries to score. My problem with Chanderpaul is that when the tail comes in he just sets up shop and waits for the taillenders to fall so he can get his not out. Even if you don't want to farm the strike(which I have mixed feelings about) at least up the tempo and get what runs you can. Chanderpaul will deliberately take a single early in the over so he can get off strike.

Yeah, you're right, there're countless other batsmen who simply go on the tonk when he's with #s 9, 10 & 11 and maybe get out, maybe add 50 or more. Chiv keeps the same tempo. Not good. Still, at least he's there to be getting runs.

Watched the first session. Anderson was getting some impressive swing. Can't understand how Broad ended up with all the wickets. He was pretty tame while i was watching.

6 to the Broadaxe, ay? Well done him, and no surprises to see the litle crabby legend, Shiv, holding the innings together. At 4-181, the Ganjs must've had hopes of a 300+ total.

Disappointing day for the Windies ... it's amazing to see their only successful batsman copping the SRW-style 'red-ink hunting' vitriol.

And FMD, FFS or 'oh dear' if FMD, FFS is too strong ... run-outs and loose shots once again stymied the only others that got started. T20. Side-effects.Goldfish attention spans. Pukeworthy.