England v India, 2nd Test, Lords, 17-21 July, 2014

Collapso. Maybe that is the word of the day to describe the pommy team.

SHaram has six wickets, fwiw.

Brass Monkey wrote:Stokes' recent scores for England: 0,5,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0

The hilarious thing is that some people still had him as their #6.

Meh. 9 FC hundreds, average of 35, playing on Durham's green top.

He can bat.

Just not since 2013.

That is now three of them since lunch, all caught out pulling down someone's throat.

It's like Wednesday nights at Spanky McFarlane's place.

Astonishing. IMO just goes to show how immensely arrogant they all are, in their little bubble of back-slaps and 'great Scrabble tournaments'.

Pathetic.

Brass Monkey wrote:Stokes' recent scores for England: 0,5,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0

The hilarious thing is that some people still had him as their #6.

He looked good in oz.

Red wrote:
He looked good in oz.

No. He looked good for one innings, after the lord mayor's show. Fallacy.

Does this mean England have been bounced out by Australia, Sri Lanka and now India in successive series?

How embarrassing - these blokes are all back foot players. Turns out it's not because they've got the strokes, it's because they're trying to run as far away from the ball as possible.

Red wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:Stokes' recent scores for England: 0,5,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0

The hilarious thing is that some people still had him as their #6.

He looked good in oz.

he didn't look good ...he just scored a few more runs than some others

I know they won't be, at all, but I'd be exceptionally embarrassed if I were thick enough to fall to the plans that our thick bowlers and captain devised for the Indian batsmen. I'd be absolutely red-faced and angry at myself. I know they won't be though - Giles Clarke still loves how nice they look in their pre-match suits.

Brass Monkey wrote:I know they won't be, at all, but I'd be exceptionally embarrassed if I were thick enough to fall to the plans that our thick bowlers and captain devised for the Indian batsmen. I'd be absolutely red-faced and angry at myself. I know they won't be though - Giles Clarke still loves how nice they look in their pre-match suits.

To be fair, they do look bloody nice. If I knew f*ck all about cricket, I'd also think that was the main thing.

Oh yeah, their hair is impeccable and they all have that 'well sucked off glow' about them. Means f*ck all to us non-fashionistas.

Dello wrote:Does this mean England have been bounced out by Australia, Sri Lanka and now India in successive series?

How embarrassing - these blokes are all back foot players. Turns out it's not because they've got the strokes, it's because they're trying to run as far away from the ball as possible.

At the moment all Ben is missing is the r. He did look like a wholehearted competitor in oz though. He has fallen in a heap.

Warnie has lost interest in the game & has started talking about old TV shows. Just mentioned Route 66.

Seven wickets for Sharma. F*cking hell, we'll have to tolerate him for another three years.

Red wrote:

Dello wrote:Does this mean England have been bounced out by Australia, Sri Lanka and now India in successive series?

How embarrassing - these blokes are all back foot players. Turns out it's not because they've got the strokes, it's because they're trying to run as far away from the ball as possible.

At the moment all Ben is missing is the r.  He did look like a wholehearted competitor in oz though. He has fallen in a heap.

Aye, it started when he was beaten up by a locker.

Sharma to Broad, OUT, Ishant has seven! short ball down the leg side, Broad tickles it down to the keeper, off the gloves and through to Dhoni, a career-best performance for Ishant, all five England wickets gone down to the short ball

SCJ Broad c †Dhoni b Sharma 8 (14b 1x4 0x6) SR: 57.14
.

85.5


Sharma to Broad, no run, angling in down the leg side, Broad looks to glance it but misses
.

85.4


Sharma to Broad, FOUR, ooh, nearly another one, heading towards the thigh pad that, he was looking to swing it towards square leg, an edge sends the ball over leg slip for four
.

85.3


Sharma to Broad, no run, short once more, Broad goes for the pull, a weak attempt, he doesn't connect


Is dim prick too nice?

tricycle wrote:Seven wickets for Sharma. F*cking hell, we'll have to tolerate him for another three years.

Oh god..

And you just know he won't take another wicket this series.

PeterCS wrote:Cricket - Moores adds Batty to England squad for Rose Bowl

(Reuters, Monday 21 July, 14.30)

England Head Coach Peter Moores has added itinerant journeyman spinner Gareth Batty to the England squad for the 3rd Invested Test against India, beginning Sunday 27th July.

"We feel Jon will be a distinct asset to this side, which has started to gel so well as a team in a short space of time", Moores announced in his press release.

"We the selectors have decided to put our faith in the current selection even before the current match is completed, as a resounding vote of confidence in Alastair and his men. Given more luck, we could easily have flipping murdered them - this automatic reselection reflects that richly-deserved fact."

"Nevertheless, Jon Batty's form has been so outstanding of late that we decided we could not deny him the chance of pushing his way into the side for the Rose Bowl."  

Surely enough to drive England fans batty.  Instant Charmer is the surprise packet; his average is not flattering.

Meanwhile Jimmy just has to repeat his heroics of the previous test to get the poms over the line.

And a run out to conclude the farce.

Cook writing his farewell speech?

taipan wrote:And a run out to conclude the farce.

Cook writing his farewell speech?

There is no consequence. Nothing will happen from this, and I mean nothing. If the England fans are lucky, Jimmy will be banned tomorrow, but apart from that, there's no accountability for a single person connected with the England set-up. Not the selectors, or the coach, or the captain or any of the players. This is the most frustrating thing about it. Nothing will happen.

I cannot convey how much of a disgrace that was. It is almost indescribable. The boy's club will close ranks, though, and the worst thing is that they'll do it with no candour whatsoever. Excuses will be as meagre and hackneyed as ever. The slight chance for any change will only be directed at the wrong people, most likely Moeen Ali or Liam Plunkett... not one of the golden boys.

Five bounced out by India's Sharma with a ragged old ball - and a slapstick runout.

Should be posted on the ECB website.

Well, what can you say? There are no words left. Cook HAS to go, surely? Well, about five of them have to go. I actually think this has become the worse England side I have ever seen. And to think that a year ago we were considered close to being number 1 in the world...... What an undignified, pathetic fall from grace.