England v India, 2nd Test, Lords, 17-21 July, 2014

So Matt Prior has shelled another? Now there's news.

71/2 - whoop-di-f*cking-do. That's a normal first session of a Test. You bunch of f*cking twats, England.

tricycle wrote:Just showed some catching stats about Prior. 49 catches and 14 drops in the past year

There we have it. What with Cook's drop percentage, what sort of confidence would you have as an England bowler (if you're an England bowler who likes to make the batsmen play the new ball - i.e. not Anderson or Broad)

They've turned into Pants International.


A bit like Dana International, only more flannel.

I suppose the small mercy is that nobody's slitting their wrists that Kerrigan's playing.

So a greentop and we have spin before lunch.

Another drop?

PeterCS wrote:They've turned into Pants International.


A bit like Dana International, only more flannel.

Exactly. Though there's a stark difference: we have about 15 players to choose from and we have f*ck all money - England have about 150 players to choose from all the Indian blood money that Giles Clarke can gather. Therein lies the difference for these fatted up big bag of dicks.

Brass Monkey wrote:71/2 - whoop-di-f*cking-do. That's a normal first session of a Test. You bunch of f*cking twats, England.

Boyks has been laying into them on the radio. Some crazy shit about them bowling too short and wide, and Cook not raising a finger to have a word with any of them. How delusional can you get?

Is this 2007? Somewhere, I can hear Ryan Sidebottom chuckling to himself

Brass Monkey wrote:

tricycle wrote:Just showed some catching stats about Prior. 49 catches and 14 drops in the past year

There we have it. What with Cook's drop percentage, what sort of confidence would you have as an England bowler (if you're an England bowler who likes to make the batsmen play the new ball - i.e. not Anderson or Broad)

There is an old sporting cliche that it is sometimes more difficult to get into the team, than out.

Rarely has it been more apt.

thank f*ck for Prior.

Not that we'll take advantage...

Deary me, what God awful bowling by England on a greeny. Couldn't believe it when I tuned in after Drinks and saw the shade of the pitch.

And then to top it off, Prior drops Coaly off the last ball before Lunch.

Brass Monkey wrote:What's the point at following these piece of shits

TAYPOC

PeterCS wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:71/2 - whoop-di-f*cking-do. That's a normal first session of a Test. You bunch of f*cking twats, England.

Boyks has been laying into them on the radio. Some crazy shit about them bowling too short and wide, and Cook not raising a finger to have a word with any of them. How delusional can you get?

Beefmaster General's been doing his nut too. Pitch it up wicket, and only 6% of deliveries would've hit the stumps - Plunkett resorted to bowling an over of bouncers at the end there.

Absolute Muppet Show.

Two drops by Prior, two edges through the slips - because why wouldn't you leave huge gaps to protect the boundaries when you've inserted the opposition on a green top? What a shower.

Said it before: Anderson and Broad can't pitch the ball up consistently. They're incapable of doing it. Wasted the new ball entirely.

Still green enough out there for England to pull this back after lunch, but they've played shit cricket thus far.

It's a f*cking disgrace, I haven't been this livid since Pietersen and Cook shat their partnership out at Adelaide. This is the sort of session that dicks you over late on - but there is simply no consequence and there certainly isn't any effort to improve - Prior's still the dead-as-shit donkey behind the stumps and the two main bowlers who've played over 150 Tests between are acting like 18 year olds who don't know what the f*ck. What a complete calamity.

That's alright. All is forgiven then.

12.40pm I'm not sure if we mentioned this when it happened, but in case we didn't, James Anderson became the highest wicket-taker in England, EVER, when he dismissed Shikhar Dhawan. He went past a certain Frederick Sewards Trueman. And here is that man Jimmy, to start the second session.

Piece of piss now. Prior - the prick - is fortunate that we've got both Vijay and Kohli. But it's now your usual cakewalk. So, we didn't capitalise on the fortune of winning the toss.

Tossers.

This is India, hoss, wait for the shambles.

Phoni goes. Broad has been turning him inside out.

One thing's for sure:

Jadeja will be no pushover.


(Hat, coat.)

Brass Monkey wrote:Phoni goes. Broad has been turning him inside out.

That can't be legal, surely?

Embarrassing that guys with 250+ Test wickets needed to have it explained to them between sessions that bowling full on a green top gets you wickets.

Can no-one in that side think for themselves?

Cook's going to have to have a bat on this tonight...

Match will be over by Sunday.

Might lose a day to rain. Stormy weekend coming up.

Should be a result, though.