Collingwood's a (K)Nob as Well...

"Well thank God we've arrived in Sri Lanka, where there don't appear to be any strip clubs whatsoever."
Paul Collingwood's relieved on realising there's little scope of being spotted in all the wrong places in Sri Lanka.

I cannot stand people who make jokes about their own misdemeanours. Why doesn't he just shut up and score some runs/win some matches. And no, I'm not saying he hasn't done that recently, he's just winding me up. He's got one of those really punchable faces - that's the reason why he's always on the list of batsman who could be dropped in the near future irrespective of runs scored.

Oh, and I heard Darren Gough on t'radio last night saying he's crap too. Also said he wants Pietersen as cap'n.

I see.

So, how long since you realised your knickers were two sizes too small?

Oooh errr. How's yer father?

He should, at the minute, be flagellating and repenting. Because one apology(for doing what many a-bloke does) is never ever enough.

Breaking news:

**Former England player in 'current England player is not very good' shock.**

I would imagine what his missus said to him afterwards is worse than anything media have.

Since when did being married mean you can't ogle women's breasts?

If there was anything wrong with that it would make David Blunkett potentially just about the only safely married man in Britain. And he's a randy little sod too.

He's sticking to the line that he didn't enter a strip club intentionally so no further accidents will be possible in SL. Fair enough really, at least the bloke has a sense of humour even if he does appear a bit of a dud captain thus far.

> Oh, and I heard Darren Gough on t'radio last night saying he's crap too. Also said he wants Pietersen as cap'n.


If ever any reason was needed never to make KP the captain...

Gary 111 wrote:Since when did being married mean you can't ogle women's breasts?

If there was anything wrong with that it would make David Blunkett potentially just about the only safely married man in Britain. And he's a randy little sod too.

Since women were invented. If you really imagine that the missus isn't going to ask questions like "And WHY did you decide to go ogling women's breasts?", swiftly followed by "Who did you go to bed with then?" then you ain't married!

What we desperately need in an England skipper ... a bloody good sense of humour.

Carry on Colly ol' son ...

Christ. I mean, I've been on stag do's and when I've phoned the bird the next day it's a standard line or two: "Yeah, went to a strip club last night... they wanted to, I wasn't bothered... no, I didn't get a private dance, I was at the bar mainly". Job. Done.

Batfink Begins wrote:Christ. I mean, I've been on stag do's and when I've phoned the bird the next day it's a standard line or two: "Yeah, went to a strip club last night... they wanted to, I wasn't bothered... no, I didn't get a private dance, I was at the bar mainly". Job. Done.

Was that before or after you popped into the dry cleaners to have the smudged lipstick stain removed from your trews ?

Batfink Begins wrote:Christ. I mean, I've been on stag do's and when I've phoned the bird the next day it's a standard line or two: "Yeah, went to a strip club last night... they wanted to, I wasn't bothered... no, I didn't get a private dance, I was at the bar mainly". Job. Done.

Works a treat that does!

14.10 Carry On Colly (C) (R) (1973)
Bawdy comedy set in Sri Lankan jungle involving search for the Holy Knockers. Staring Colly Wobbles (Terry Scott), Rob Key (Barbara Windsor), Sid Boggle (Sid James) and Ian Bell (Charles Hawtrey). Full to bursting with double entendres and comedy batting and features the series most over-used clip - Rob Key's bra flying off during a piece of particularly strenuous exercise.

Gary 111 wrote:14.10 Carry On Colly (C) (R) (1973)
Bawdy comedy set in Sri Lankan jungle involving search for the Holy Knockers. Staring Colly Wobbles (Terry Scott), Rob Key (Barbara Windsor), Sid Boggle (Sid James) and Ian Bell (Charles Hawtrey). Full to bursting with double entendres and comedy batting and features the series most over-used clip - Rob Key's bra flying off during a piece of particularly strenuous exercise.

nice ...

Yeah, but I'm a faithful chap. A bit of a blast at a pair o'wazzas isn't the worst thing in the world. I've seen this missus screaming wildly at some stripper bloke. S'not like I went mad. If they're going that mad, you have to question the relationship.

Batfink Begins wrote:Yeah, but I'm a faithful chap. A bit of a blast at a pair o'wazzas isn't the worst thing in the world. I've seen this missus screaming wildly at some stripper bloke. S'not like I went mad. If they're going that mad, you have to question the relationship.

Or your manhood!

Batfink Begins wrote:Yeah, but I'm a faithful chap. A bit of a blast at a pair o'wazzas isn't the worst thing in the world. I've seen this missus screaming wildly at some stripper bloke. S'not like I went mad. If they're going that mad, you have to question the relationship.

Yes, but you and me don't have all that innuendo splashed over the national newspapers, do we?

Damn Gary, if that ain't the mullet of the century (20th) on Chris Waddle (your avatar - apologies if this has already been posted). I did a double take before realising it wasn't Billy Ray Cyrus.

Shoeshine wrote:

Batfink Begins wrote:Yeah, but I'm a faithful chap. A bit of a blast at a pair o'wazzas isn't the worst thing in the world. I've seen this missus screaming wildly at some stripper bloke. S'not like I went mad. If they're going that mad, you have to question the relationship.

Yes, but you and me don't have all that innuendo splashed over the national newspapers, do we?

Depends on how bad the kebab was at 3 am in the morning ...

skully wrote:Damn Gary, if that ain't the mullet of the century (20th) on Chris Waddle (your avatar - apologies if this has already been posted). I did a double take before realising it wasn't Billy Ray Cyrus.

I think the jacket is quite fetching too.

Even the 'because i'm worth it' style pose is pretty damn good.

Gary 111 wrote:

skully wrote:Damn Gary, if that ain't the mullet of the century (20th) on Chris Waddle (your avatar - apologies if this has already been posted). I did a double take before realising it wasn't Billy Ray Cyrus.

I think the jacket is quite fetching too.

Even the 'because i'm worth it' style pose is pretty damn good.

Hehehe. What vintage is that? I seem to only recall Waddle having well cropped locks.

Merlin wrote:

Shoeshine wrote:

Batfink Begins wrote:Yeah, but I'm a faithful chap. A bit of a blast at a pair o'wazzas isn't the worst thing in the world. I've seen this missus screaming wildly at some stripper bloke. S'not like I went mad. If they're going that mad, you have to question the relationship.

Yes, but you and me don't have all that innuendo splashed over the national newspapers, do we?

Depends on how bad the kebab was at 3 am in the morning ...

And you can work out the next day how hammered you are by your choice of kebab.

Chicken: Not so bad
Kofte/Shish etc: Pretty mashed
Doner: Absolutely wrecked
Multiple combinations of the above, with large chips, onion rings and a side order of pizza: Move from the area before the police turn up

Gary 111 wrote:

skully wrote:Damn Gary, if that ain't the mullet of the century (20th) on Chris Waddle (your avatar - apologies if this has already been posted). I did a double take before realising it wasn't Billy Ray Cyrus.

I think the jacket is quite fetching too.

Even the 'because i'm worth it' style pose is pretty damn good.

Aye, but take note ... the boots look virginal - ie., unused.

Nothing new there

skully wrote:

Gary 111 wrote:

skully wrote:Damn Gary, if that ain't the mullet of the century (20th) on Chris Waddle (your avatar - apologies if this has already been posted). I did a double take before realising it wasn't Billy Ray Cyrus.

I think the jacket is quite fetching too.

Even the 'because i'm worth it' style pose is pretty damn good.

Hehehe. What vintage is that? I seem to only recall Waddle having well cropped locks.

Late 80's - 1990, he had his mullet for most of Italia 90, then shaved it off for the semi-final, missed a penalty and the rest is history...

Ah kebabs... how a late night one of them can turn you from a superstar to a cnut overnight. Never had that effect on me personally, but it seems to with a couple of sportsmen.