Which one is England?

Are you England in disguise?

The 2009 Aussies have not just been a pale shadow of their brilliant predecessors - they're so pale, they have a distinctly Pommie tinge

Tim de Lisle

August 4, 2009

Edgbaston is the English cricket ground that is most like a football ground, with many of the good and bad points that entails - lively atmosphere, plentiful home wins, blinkered fans, and (when I was there on Friday) sexist comments and prehistoric food. During this Test the England fans were singing like football supporters. At one point they came out with a twist on the football fans' favourite form of derision - "Are you [some despised team, often Tottenham] in disguise?" The Edgbaston version was "Are you Scotland in disguise?" Which was quite funny, but hardly accurate. The 2009 Aussies are closer to being England in disguise. They have not just been a pale shadow of their brilliant predecessors - they're so pale, they have a distinctly Pommie tinge. Here are eight ways in which Australia appear to be the new England.

1. They're losing…
Australia are now 0-1 down after three Tests. The role of arriving in the latter stages of an Ashes series without a win normally belongs to England. Even when Australian touring teams end up losing a series in England, they tend to get an early win under their belts: they were 1-0 up in 2005 and 1981, and 1-1 in 1985. Now they find themselves in the boat they were in in 1986-87, one down with two to play. It means England are one win from glory, and on that occasion they duly achieved it.

2. …or drawing
The Aussies have not been a drawing team for a long time. They have drawn only 17 Tests this decade out of 109. In England in three series in 1993-2001, they drew only two Tests out of 17. But they have now drawn four of their last six in England, stretching back to Old Trafford 2005.

3. They're being humiliated by the home fans
To be an Englishman fielding on the boundary in Australia has long meant copping an earful of abuse, or worse. Now England fans are dishing it out too. This can be amusing, as when the Barmy Army decided that Mitchell Johnson was such a plus for England that he should be showered in applause and awarded his own chant. Or it can be ugly, as when Ricky Ponting, one of the best batsmen of all time, was booed all the way to the crease. Let's hope it was the beer talking: the idea that this is how cricket fans now behave is too depressing to contemplate.

4. They dropped a player after two bad Tests
Phil Hughes' demotion was a shock, and not just because it leaked out on Twitter. Yes, England had worked him out, but he had failed only twice, arguably three times (making 36, 4 and 17), and the Aussie selectors had gone from showing total faith in him, by not even bothering to send along a reserve opener, to showing none. This used to be the English disease. It caused Graham Gooch to spend three years in the wilderness after his early taste of Test cricket in 1975; 18 years later, just as Gooch was bowing out as captain, it led to Mark Lathwell beginning a descent that went from young England opener to retired and disillusioned, in the space of eight years. Let's hope Hughes is closer to a Gooch than a Lathwell, though not too close for England's sake. England, ironically, have now gone a bit too far the other way, and look unlikely to give Ravi Bopara or Stuart Broad a rest, even though neither has pulled his weight.

5. They're collapsible
Australia lost the second Test not, Ponting felt, because they made a poor start with the ball, though that didn't help - they recovered well from there and kept England's total to a less-than-daunting 425. They lost because they were shot out for 215 in reply. The third Test followed a similar pattern: they were in danger of losing, despite all the rain, because they were all out for 263. Each time they started perfectly respectably, and then went down like a pack of Poms: from 103 for 2 to 152 for 8 at Lord's, and from 163 for 3 to 203 for 8 at Edgbaston.

6. They play well after first playing badly
This has been the defining trait of recent England teams, and now it has spread to Australia. They bowled well at Lord's only after bowling badly for two sessions. They batted well in the second innings of both these last two Tests, but only after crumbling in the first. England haven't entirely shaken the habit either: they flourished at Edgbaston partly because the Thursday was so truncated that their usual first-day shocker was kept to manageable proportions.

7. They've made a huge score without winning
The one time Australia batted well in the first innings, they were superb, rattling up 674 for 6 at Cardiff. But they couldn't close the deal, letting their opponents escape by the skin of their teeth - just like England in Antigua and Port-of-Spain this year. By not winning, they surrendered momentum, which allowed England to bounce back at Lord's. The same, of course, may be true in reverse now.

8. Their bowling is modest
A left-arm seamer who sprays it around, a wholehearted swinger who bowls tidy long spells, a quick with decent pace but not many wickets to show for it, and an amiable finger spinner who likes to pitch well outside off: yes, after searching long and hard, Australia have finally found their answer to Alan Mullally, Martin Bicknell, Devon Malcolm and Robert Croft.

http://www.cricinfo.com/magazine/content/story/417632.html

Interesting piece, and . . .

...yes, after searching long and hard, Australia have finally found their answer to Alan Mullally, Martin Bicknell, Devon Malcolm and Robert Croft.

Shite writing with tenuous links. Cannot believe people get paid for this shit. McArticle.

Or it can be ugly, as when Ricky Ponting, one of the best batsmen of all time, was booed all the way to the crease.

It's the new spirit of cricket don'tcha know, as flaunted by one of the best batsmen of all time!

Moral : If you dish it, be prepared to cop it.
You can't infer that your opposite number's a cheat and then blithely expect to get away with it!

Ugly?!! Hmmm, wait till they walk out at Headinley!

People aren't booing Ponting the batsman, they're booing Ponting the hypocritical c*nt.


It's strange that a few journos haven't picked up on that yet.

Henry wrote:People aren't booing Ponting the batsman, they're booing Ponting the hypocritical c*nt.


It's strange that a few journos haven't picked up on that yet.

Sage point.

The journos are too busy blaming the Barmy Army for the actions of the whole crowd to think of something like that.

Merlin wrote:

Or it can be ugly, as when Ricky Ponting, one of the best batsmen of all time, was booed all the way to the crease.

It's the new spirit of cricket don'tcha know, as flaunted by one of the best batsmen of all time!

Moral : If you dish it, be prepared to cop it.
You can't infer that your opposite number's a cheat and then blithely expect to get away with it!

Ugly?!! Hmmm, wait till they walk out at Headinley!

...and yet Clutchen DID cheat and HAS blithely gotten away with it ....it's a strange world

WTF is Clutchen?

Strauss.

Clutchen at Strauss (straws)

That nickname is about as desperate as the accusation of cheating.

Remind me which captain has the worse record for reprimands from the ICC.

embee wrote:

...and yet Clutchen DID cheat and HAS blithely gotten away with it ....it's a strange world

FFS
Gie' it a rest MB ... if you're claiming Strausser's catch at slip was a bump then apply to Dell comics for a gig as SuperOzman
with xray vision. The jury's still out on slo-mo, hi-mo and satch-mo on whether it bumped or not.

If you've got a gripe with that then take it to the Umps for not referring it if they doubted it carried.
Strauss has re emphasised (specifically for your rabid rags in Oz) that in his judgement and opinion, the catch was clean.

That is NOT cheating.

Merlin wrote:

Or it can be ugly, as when Ricky Ponting, one of the best batsmen of all time, was booed all the way to the crease.

It's the new spirit of cricket don'tcha know, as flaunted by one of the best batsmen of all time!

Moral : If you dish it, be prepared to cop it.
You can't infer that your opposite number's a cheat and then blithely expect to get away with it!

Ugly?!! Hmmm, wait till they walk out at Headinley!

He was booed all the way to crease, and then 8 runs later promptly recieved to a man, woman and child a standing ovation for paassing AB's record as well as his 20000 First Class Runs maark as well.

The bloke that wrote this is a qunt!!

My favorite Barmy Army song of the day though is to the theme tune of Yogi Bear I think, and explains how the Aussies next Queen is Camilla Parker-Bolwes!!

If the Harbhajan 'Monkeygate' affair taught anything, it's that Aussie forummers don't need evidence to declare that an opposition player is 100% certainly guilty.

Henry wrote:If the Harbhajan 'Monkeygate' affair taught anything, it's that Aussie forummers don't need evidence to declare that an opposition player is 100% certainly guilty.

or that evidence is irrelevant in the case of michael clarke and ponting's appealing in sydney

I'm not saying it was right, given the Aussies' famously non-abusive nature and constant sense of fair play, but I really couldn't understand people (ie commentators) claiming to not understand why Ponting was booed. Where have they been?

Having not read this article, a group of friends were saying exactly the same thing, ie, we've become England.

I'm over the Ponting's-a-cheat - ho-hum. Every team through the years, has had its share of controversy and accusation.
This one is no fidderent. Ponting's brainless, but he's no less/more fair than plenty of others. I'll Ponting-bash with the best of em, but it's all getting a bit redickleus.

The two bloody amazing days I was there, yay, to watch The Ashes!!, (well it was actually only two sessions, flurry, flurry phurt and flurry)the crowds were both fair and fantastic. They booed and they cheered, and it all added to the atmosphere. Godz we're not getting THAT precious are we?
The weather and the English team however, were two sons of beestings, and between them ruined my viewing pleasure.

Bring on Headingly!! Can't wait - it's going to be an awesome Test.

Merlin wrote:

embee wrote:

...and yet Clutchen DID cheat and HAS blithely gotten away with it ....it's a strange world

FFS
Gie' it a rest MB ... if you're claiming Strausser's catch at slip was a bump then apply to Dell comics for a gig as SuperOzman
with xray vision. The jury's still out on slo-mo, hi-mo and satch-mo on whether it bumped or not.

If you've got a gripe with that then take it to the Umps for not referring it if they doubted it carried.
Strauss has re emphasised (specifically for your rabid rags in Oz) that in his judgement and opinion, the catch was clean.

That is NOT cheating.

The cheating I was referring to was the time wasting of sending out the 12th man and physio in the dying moments of the Cardiff Test ...the incident which caused Ponting to utter "Spirit of Cricket" in the first place....the incident which just about everyone outside of Clutchen and his team have said was WRONG ...and which Clutchen has dismissed with a denial and a wink

PS You're a bit over defensive on the catch ...you obviously think it bounced

Nice follow-through, mb.

holcs wrote:My favorite Barmy Army song of the day though is to the theme tune of Yogi Bear I think, and explains how the Aussies next Queen is Camilla Parker-Bolwes!!

Even though she won't actually be Queen? The BA ignorant... Hoodathunkit?

Robert Croft sh!ts all over Hauritz. Poor article.

embee wrote:

The cheating I was referring to was the time wasting of sending out the 12th man and physio in the dying moments of the Cardiff Test ...the incident which caused Ponting to utter "Spirit of Cricket" in the first place....the incident which just about everyone outside of Clutchen and his team have said was WRONG ...and which Clutchen has dismissed with a denial and a wink

PS You're a bit over defensive on the catch ...you obviously think it bounced

An issue that unfolded over a matter of 3 minutes = 1 over, within which undoubtedly Australia would have bagged the wicket they couldn't manage doing all through the previous hour !! yeah - nice try!

But perleeese, do get real ! Old Trafford 2005 (Aus 10 and 11 doing enough "work" on the track to embarrass a Kew Gardens gardener and enough meetings in the middle to cause anguish in the UN) reflects directly on the Cardiff issue.
It's called gamesmanship. Punter is its leading exponent - only he adds the cheating flourish to it when harranguing (some call it bullying) umpires, before criticizing others for lacking the spirit of cricket! Noice !!

But, if you want to call it 'cheating' in order to asuage your wounded pride and crimp for the one wasted over at England's 10 and jack, then go right ahead - clearly it it makes you feel better!

Re. the 'catch' - not being defensive in the slightest. I'm one of those who accepts the fielders word ... end of ... just as Phews did of his ex. teammate - before saint ricky intervened !

Henry wrote:If the Harbhajan 'Monkeygate' affair taught anything, it's that Aussie forummers don't need evidence to declare that an opposition player is 100% certainly guilty.

Ssssshhhhhhhh!!!!! It's hearsay...

Zat wrote:Nice follow-through, mb.

holcs wrote:My favorite Barmy Army song of the day though is to the theme tune of Yogi Bear I think, and explains how the Aussies next Queen is Camilla Parker-Bolwes!!

Even though she won't actually be Queen? The BA ignorant... Hoodathunkit?

Interesting one that though. There is no mechanism for her NOT to be Queen. As the King's consort, unless there's a change in the law, Queen is what she will be.

unless charlie doesnt become king