XI INFAMOUS FEATHERBEDS

1. Sri Lanka v India ; 1st Test : Colombo (RPS) 1997/98

India’s debutant, Nilesh Kulkami, must have thought he had Test cricket licked. Buoyed by his side’s formidable total of 537/8 dec., he dismissed Marvan Atapattu with his very first ball, as Sri Lanka – for an instant – looked as though they might struggle. That, however, was before Sanath Jayasuriya and Roshan Mahanama had got into their stride. Their obscene second-wicket stand of 576 was the largest partnership in the history of Test cricket, until Mahler Jayewardene and Kumar Sangakkara eclipsed it with 624 for the third wicket at the same city’s SSC ground against South Africa in 2005 – at least that match had a ‘result’, the hosts winning by an innings. As the fifth day dawned in this one, the only question was whether Jayasuriya, 326 not out overnight, would go on to break Brian Lara’s then-world record of 375. He didn’t, but Sri Lanka closed with an alternative world record – a vast total of 952/6.

2. West Indies v England, 4th Test, Kingston 1929.30

Both sides agreed to a timeless Test if the series was in the balance, and they probably regretted it. After nine days this game was abandoned as England had to go home. Batting first, England scored 849, with Andrew Sandham making a world-record 325 in his final Test, and then bowled West Indies out for 286. Rather than making them follow on with a lead of 653, England opted to bat again and set them a tougher task of 836 to win. But a magnificent 223 from George Headley guided West Indies to 408/5 when rain came. The 1815 runs produced remains a record for a Test.

3. Bengal v Karnataka, Ranji Trophy OF, Calcutta 1990/91

The Ranji Trophy has produced some daunting totals and dull stalemates over the years, but few matches have been more turgid than this affair where after five days the first innings had not even been completed. Karnataka batted the best part of three days in scoring 791/6 before finally declaring, only for Bengal to take two-and-a-bit days to make 652/9 themselves. It wasn’t even as if the two teams got on Bengal’s batsmen were accused by Karnataka players of deliberately delaying play to try to get them penalized for a slow over-rate. Deliberate or not, it worked as Bengal were awarded 60 penalty runs, enough to give them victory by virtue of averaging 3.26 runs per over compared to Karnataka’s 3.17.

4. England v Australia, 5th Test, The Oval, 1938

The regulations again allowed for a timeless Test if the series was undecided, although it is worth noting that all Ashes Tests in Australia until World War II were played to a finish anyway. On a pitch prepared by the legendary Oval groundsman Bosser Martin ( who declared on the eve of the game that it would ‘last until Christmas’), England ground out 903/7 with the 21-yeard old Len Hutton making a tortuous but immensely popular 364, taking Don Bradman’s word record in the process. Bu the time Australia came to reply they were without Jack Fingleton and, crucially, Bradman who had fractured a shin bone bowling. Their nine batsmen slipped to defeat by an innings and 579 runs. The call to end timeless Tests grew deafening once the euphoria dissipated.

5. South Africa v England, 5th Test, Durban 1938/39

The final nail in the coffin of timeless Tests on a pitch which offered little help at any stage, but a local rule allowing the wicket to be repaired overnight meant according to The Cricketer, that each day started on what amounted to a brand new pitch. With no end in sight, both sides plodded along, and the eighth day was lost to rain. England were set a seemingly impossible 696 to win, but they were 654/5 at tea on the 10th day when rain started failing. The captains went into a meeting and emerged to say that, as England had to catch the train to Cape Town that night to enable them to catch their homeward trip on the Athlone Castle, the game had to be ended with no result. South Africa’s Ken Viljoen is said to have had his hair cut twice during the game.


6. Surrey v Lancashire, County Championship, 1990

The summer of ’90 is recalled with a shudder by bowlers all across England. An improbably hot season, coupled with new regulations reducing the width of the seam, culminated in a run-rest like few others. The lack of contest between bat and ball was never better exemplified than at The Oval in early May, when Surrey’s captain Ian Greig compiled a career-best 291 out of a total of 707/9 declared, only for Lancashire to respond with 863. The backbone of their innings was provided by two young players destined for greater things – Michael Atherton (191) and Neil Fairbrother (366). Spare a thought for Grahame Clinton, who missed out on the festivities twice, falling for 8 and 15. ‘Actually’, He pleased in mitigation, ‘it was harder not to score runs on that pitch’.

7. England v Australia, 4th Test, Old Trafford, 1964

Australia retained The Ashes in a match so tedious that it moved ‘Playfair Cricket Monthly’ to ask if the time had come to end such contests. The ‘Daily Mail’ called it the ‘murder of Test cricket’. While at one stage six journos in the press box were seen to be sleeping. Sour grapes? Possibly, but pity the 108 000 who witnessed a game where the two first innings were not completed until five minutes before the end. Bobby Simpson, Australia’s captain, made 311 – his first Test hundred in his 41st match – in a score of 656/8 while England replied with an equally mind-numbing 611.

8. West Indies v India, 4th Test, Antigua 2001/02

A horror story from start to interminable finish. Five centuries of underwhelming single-mindedness, a run-rate that never threatened to push part 3 an over, significant and stultifying innings from two bit-part internals, Wasin Jaffer and Ajay Ratra. With the serious intriguingly posed at 1-1, the Recreation Ground and its landing-strip of a wicket was the last place that such a crucial encounter deserved to be held. While India were compiling 513/9 (Tendulkar golden duck!) after being asked to bat first, they were setting themselves up for their first overseas series victory since 1986 – and their first I the Caribbean for 31 years. But Hooper, Chanderpaul and Jacobs preserved West Indian pride with a trip of hundreds, and instead India became the third Test team to give a bowl to all 11 of their players.

9. India v Pakistan, 4th Test, Madras 1960.61

Between December 1960 and February 1961, one of the greatest series of all time took place, a contest that reinvigorated Test cricket and conferred legendary status on each of its participants. Sadly, for the faithful and under-rewarded few who turned out to watch India play Pakistan, the series in question as Australia v Windies, 8 000 km away. Instead, the Subcontinent was subjected to a five-Test stalemate that plumbed such depths of ennui that the Pakistanis were unable to force a result in any one of their 15 first class fixtures. It was, as Wisden noted ‘an extremely dour affair’ … enlivened only by a fire during the Madras bore-draw that gutted the eastern section of the stands.

10. West Indies v South Africa, 4th Test, Antigua 1004/05

Antigua has become such a non-contest of a venue it is only fair that it should be name and shamed twice. If India's visit in 2002 was pure distilled tedium, then SA’s engagement three years later was a gluttonous surfeit of runs that produced a world-record eight individual centuries. The largest and most avaricious of these was compiled by Chris Gayle, who slapped merrily through the off-side for a career-best 317. A jumbo total of 747 was capped by a maiden Test 100 for Dwayne Bravo – before becoming a fist and only Test victim for March Boucher.

11. Pakistan v India, 1st Test, Lahore 2005/06

A pancake of a pitch, and an eye popping assortment of batting onslaughts. Younis Khan and Mohammad Yousuf provided a sedate start to the festivities with 199 and 173 respectively, before Shahid Afridi and Kamran Akmal flew off the handle in spectacular fashion. Afridi clobbered four sixes in a row of Harbhajan Singh in the course of a 27-run over and a 78 ball hundred. Akmal was scarcely any more sluggish. A mighty total of 679/7 was just the basis for negotiation, however, as Virender Sehwag launched himself into the Pakistani bowling with Rahul Dravid providing steadfast support in a quadruple-century opening partnership.




Thanks to Andrew Miller and Martin Williamson

Grandma's old?

Sorry, but what's a featherbed?

Demelza wrote:Sorry, but what's a featherbed?

A wicket that is easy paced and a piece of piss to bat on.

I know this a cricket forum and everything, but do try and keep up...

Thanks Mr Sarky bum.

mynah wrote:Grandma's old?

Sorry for all the typing errors but I am a pensioner and am entitled to mistakes.

Dello wrote:

Demelza wrote:Sorry, but what's a featherbed?

A wicket that is easy paced and a piece of piss to bat on.

I know this a cricket forum and everything, but do try and keep up...

Seconded.

Jesus Christ Demelza. Get a damn clue will thee...

Yikes, it's "gang up on Dem" time. Ya bunch of macho s0ftc0cks.

We took out lead from Dello

skully wrote:Yikes, it's "gang up on Dem" time. Ya bunch of macho s0ftc0cks.

Actually, I've got quite a chub on... I'm thinking of Ricky Ponting. Oh no, wait, that's you that is.

Essex vs Nottinghamshire this season must have been pretty shite too...

Foster and Read hitting doubles, ffs.

skully wrote:Yikes, it's "gang up on Dem" time. Ya bunch of macho s0ftc0cks.

Don't take any notice of them spammers, Skully.

The old man rolled a pitch for me and my brothers in the back paddock. After 6 months my brother Bob had made 2639 not out . . .

tac wrote:The old man rolled a pitch for me and my brothers in the back paddock. After 6 months my brother Bob had made 2639 not out . . .

That probably contributed to the end of timeless Tests as well.

PearlJ wrote:

tac wrote:The old man rolled a pitch for me and my brothers in the back paddock. After 6 months my brother Bob had made 2639 not out . . .

That probably contributed to the end of timeless Tests as well.

He still goes on about it 30 years later . . .

Probably gutted he still hasn't got an average...

Aye, the selfish red inking hunting Dubber ...