Who will you vote for (foreign scum need not enter thread)?

[Chivalry Augustus]

Labour - you are an ex-miner with seven brothers, four sisters, at least three of whom died or suffered life-threatening injuries in a pit disaster. You hate Margaret Thatcher and cannot wait for her to die so you can (literally) dance on her grave whilst inseminating your already inbred sister (or else you're the receiver of that if you are female).

Conservatives - you are posh, you still visit mummy and daddy every day and give your children slightly disturbing elongated kisses. You have some small amount of money and consider yourself to be middle-class (and always upper middle-class). You probably did not go to a normal school and you almost certainly gave another child in your school a posh wank when experimenting.

Liberals - you are a horrible little dinky creature who believes in equality for all humans be they silly little buzzards that have had their arms and legs lopped off or little gay lechers on the corner of Westington Avenue with their hands down their pants masturbating as semi-attractive women walk by. You hate the mainstream and all that it stands for, you hate Margaret Thatcher AND Tony Blair because they weren't pulled off the street and given a suit, then elected as leader of the Liberals like every Liberal leader (of which there are three per year).

BNP - you have four racist tattoos, all of which are only borderline so you can pretend they have a different meaning to your friends. 'Nigger' was your great great great grandad's slave name and you're sticking by that story. Whenever a newscast comes on the television mentioning an immigrant doing well, you regale the entire world with a better story of a better Englishman doing well, and how Englishmen could do well again if it wasn't for those pesky immigrants. You are secretly active on a racist forum but you are not stupid enough to be a member.

UKIP - you secretly would like to vote BNP but have too many Asian/Black friends to do so. So you go for the wispy soft option because you're not much of an individual anyway and you don't really have any idea what UKIP stands for, you just like the way their name rolls off the tongue and reminds you, for some strange reason, of cat food.

Respect - you are a little gimp who was bullied and/or raped in school. You squeal at the sight of a gun, a mouse or even a spider and spend most of your day consigned to your home where you think about playing with your genitalia but worry that God might see you and smite you. You were originally only drawn in to this party by the big word that instantly commanded your 'respect' but have since become a militant gay boy/girl and are revelling in the idea that you finally belong to something, even though your party is utter fan boy bull crap for little gimps who cannot handle the reality of actually having a vote and HAVING RESPONSIBILITY.

Greens - you are an angel of nature, you dance and frolick in the grass and make love, not just with other people but with daisy buds that do so alluringly protrude from the ground and set your loins to racing. You like pigs and dogs and ickle spiders tickling across your fingertips where they have strayed from the fronds of the gumdrop trees whose leaves nip at your skin delightfully. You swing and you sing and you run and you laugh, and you're probably obsessed with being carbon neutral and vegetarian and all such things. You are one of the real good guys, but unfortunately your party whilst admirable will probably not win, because good guys ALWAYS FINISH LAST.

Other -

Libertarian. You are silly.
Monster Raving Looning Party. Drunken escapades of the greatest order. +1 to them.
Sinn Fein. Terrorist scum.
Anyone else. Time wasting eejits.

[JKLever]

It's going to be the Tories, despite them being Tories.

Yes, i'll feel dirty about it afterwards.

[DJ_Smerk]

Plaid Cymru you fark.

[Shoeshine]

Not telling you, get farked you rude, inquisitive tosspot. How dare you ask me my voting intentions.

[Guest]

The Tories worry me but they may possibly be a marginally better alternative to Labour. Still not gonna vote for the qunts though.

[LeFromage]

It's going to be the Tories, despite them being Tories.

Yes, i'll feel dirty about it afterwards.

I'm going to reinstate your elder status just so I can take it away again in disgust.

For shame.

When they come calling with the slap-head tax, don't come around here looking for consolation hugs.

[Shoeshine]

[the slap-head tax

Don't give Gordon ideas, FFS!

[LeFromage]

Not that I'll be voting, of course.

My polling station is a solid three-minute walk from home. None of the above are worth even that expense of energy.

Uphill as well. So, that's the double-whammy.

[Chivalry Augustus]

On a serious note, the Green Party are the most reasonable and progressive of current parties. Reading their manifesto, one might actually mistake them for sensible people rather than politicians.

VOTE GREEN!

[Shoeshine]

As long as you don't mind paying 95% tax that is.

[eowyn]

I honestly don't know who to vote for this time.

[JKLever]

It's going to be the Tories, despite them being Tories.

Yes, i'll feel dirty about it afterwards.

I'm going to reinstate your elder status just so I can take it away again in disgust.

For shame.

When they come calling with the slap-head tax, don't come around here looking for consolation hugs.

I know, I know. Maybe it should be UKIP then.

Any bunch of qunts who will stop surrendering powers to Johnny Foreigner.

[Merlin]

FFS

You've all bitched long and loud about the last 13 years under the dynamic scot gits Blair and Bwown, 2 Jag Prescott and the unelected Dandy Mandy (whom in reality, is controling this government) ; Black September 2008 ; Mortgages UP, Savings DOWN; House prices f**ked; Govt bullion reserves dumped at half the market price; petrol risen 250 pct; 300+ dead soldiers from two wars we have no right nor reason to be involved in; Stealth taxes by the dozen ; the NHS on it's knees ; University fees jerked up ; Immigration rampant and uncontrolled; schools "rated" on a score out of 10 ; over 650 new laws which no f**kers but the mandarins in Whitehall know how to implement; crims being released early to "make space" in prisons for other crims ; MP's sleaze and expense fraud, their snouts deep in the trough .... the list is endless .... and yet you dither and fart around wondering if your vote should go back to us, the Labour thieves, them, those LibDem wimps or the guttersnipes in the UKIP d**kheads ! So do it ......

You've witnessed the f**k up ... moaned about it often enough ... now do something about it ....

Get real - Vote Conservative and at least give the buggers a chance to make things right and bring back the Audi Quattro.

This has been a Party Political Broadcast on behalf of the New Labour Party.

[Allan D]

Where's the Official Raving Monster Loony button?

Why have you put a button for The George Galloway Qunt Party? He's only standing in Canning Town after not having the guts to defend his existing seat in Bethnal Green. You must be a qunt if you live in Canning Town and not already left. Serves them right to have four weeks of 'Gorgeous' George bellowing at them


Respect? Respect my bottom!

[Chivalry Augustus]

So you'll be voting for Mugabe then, will you Merls?

[Merlin]

So you'll be voting for Mugabe then, will you Merls?

Only if inflation reaches 250 percent and he gives me a 200 acre tobbacco farm for me to race rally cars around.

PS ; Oh yeah, I forgot ... a dozen Kalashnikovs. I've never fired a Kalasnikov at live targets before.

[lardbucket]

How'd this turn out then?

Very good OP.

(yes I know I am 'foreign scum')

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