New Zealand v England, 3rd Test, Auckland, 22-26 March, 2013

Played at the ridiculous Eden Park. A chance for KP to reverse sweep a dozen 6s.

More like McCullum to score a century made up entirely of sixes as England continue to apply their brilliant tactic of bowling exclusively to his strengths.

Expect a green seamer.

Expect England to bang it in short.

Expect England to bat very, very loosely.

Expect the unexpected.

Also expect the expected, just to be safe.

Expect an official announcement regarding Stuart Broad and his rumoured hair loss.

Expect Finn to announce that he had a thorn in his foot, which he cites as the sole reason he's bowled and acted like a total cock all tour.

I think my hair's receding. I'm not really bothered. It never does what I want it do anyway. Basically it won't go to work in my stead and it refuses to make me a millionaire. I'd trade every hair on my body for a didgeridoo and a time machine. Then I'd didgeridoo my way through the past, slaying dragons and dodging the plague. Oh, and pillaging. Of course there'd be pillaging. Anyways. This Test, eh? We're gonna lose, aren't we?

We're going to get mouth-f*cked like we're a 90's pornstar.

SSN presenter almost said "New England v Zealand". So who would win a cricket match between the US region and the Danish island?

I assume Bairstow will get KP's place.

if bairstow succeeds will this put on pressure on the increasingly inconsistent KP

horace wrote:if bairstow succeeds will this put on pressure on the increasingly inconsistent KP

No not a chance - "increasingly inconsistent KP?" I'd like to see the evidence for that.

he has his days - like that wonderful knock that put the bannies to the sword - but it his capacity and drive for repetition that is the question...

Dello wrote:Expect the unexpected.

Also expect the expected, just to be safe.

don't expect the Spanish Inquisition, though.

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition.

indeed ... some things do not require explanation

There are some youngsters here, and some oldies whose memories have gone.

horace wrote:if bairstow succeeds will this put on pressure on the increasingly inconsistent KP

*snigger*

What's this? A shitload of Test cricket all in a row again? Let us pray to Jesus that the NZ weather holds out.

England win the toss and bowl, NZ's Bracewell still not recovered from an injury to his sole. Jonny B in for KP, as England search for a win in T3.

So 3 straight Tests the toss winner has fielded first. Noice.

Look for plenty of hoiks over the short backward square boundary at silly Eden Park.

This should be a good test for Jonny Knicks. Ronnie Knicks, too.

I dunno, I just think England are a bit ordinary at the moment. The attack has been overrated for a while now. I don't think the Ashes will be the walkover that everyone is expecting, as Australia probably has the better seam attack, and that must count for something.

Aye a touch of the mediocrities kicking in.