How Badly Will England Lose the 1st Ashes Test?

We've had the wider picture, now it's time for the first installment. We all know England are crap, but just how crap are they? How badly will the first ever Troglodyte Test turn out for England? It is hard to remember anything good historically that is Walesish that happened in Wales. We all remember those famous Walesish blokes at Rorke's Drift, the only good thing in history that is Walesish, but what good things have ever happened IN Wales? Nothing is what.

The omens are bleak.

Chivalry Augustus wrote: We all remember those famous Walesish blokes at Rorke's Drift

Except the majority of those were from Warwickshire!

I can't be arrrsed making another satirical anti-gloom-doom-defeatist random anagram on the lines of "Bashed Wellingtons - A Holy Swellhead?" for this thread too.

Let's think about living Gus, for gawwwwwwd's sake.


Even jesting one-eyed depression gets forummers down. You've got to have a bit of light with your shade, if you want to enjoy the view at all.

Even Lever might agree 10% with that. ...

Where's the 'really badly but we'll take the positives anyway' option?

It's being so cheerful that keeps him going.

PeterCS wrote:"Bashed Wellingtons - A Holy Swellhead?"

Ah, now I get it.

So slow I could be a northener...

You are so far north you run out of whippets, parkin and flat caps.

Only kilts, neeps and deep fried mars bars left.

It'll rain. Or one of the stands will fall down. Something retardedly Welsh that'll prevent a result - a stampede of vigilante sheep looking to take back their land by force.

they will lose by -100 runs.

Can you lose by minus a hundred runs? Wouldn't that be a win?

That's his point.

there should be sub forum for doremi, Augustus and Chandan

Name of the forum: We are doomed!

www.apessimistisneverdisappointed.com

Enough of the reverse woofing, Eng are specials to win or at worse draw the Aus bowling hasn't troubled The lions or Sussex, so no problem for England.

Dello wrote:www.apessimistisneverdisappointed.com

A cheap ripoff site, plagiarising www.apessimistheapsashesonhisheadandisburiedalive.org and www.apeshitsimianselfdefecated.ac.uk

Whoever bats first will win by an innings.

Objectively England have every chance of winning this particular test as the conditions will suit and the Aussies haven't quite hit their straps.

In a mind coloured by having seen too many Ashes series down the years though and "average" defeat would be my expectation.

How will the conditions suit? It will be flat, slow and low with rain in the air. It will be like turning up at Mumbai. It will not suit anybody whatsoever except for batsman. And considering Australia are a miles better batting unit than England . . .

Draw or Australia win are the only two results that can happen.

Just keep singing Men of Harlech and pray a lot. We'll win.

Or Men of Garlic. That will make Punter wince.

eowyn wrote:Just keep singing Men of Harlech and pray a lot. We'll win.

Apparently Katherine Jenkins is going to sing 3 anthems before play starts. Should be fun getting your own anthem trashed.

Waltzing Matilda in a welsh accent, should be good.

Advanceaustrailafair boyo bach!

Ey gedd diss guy doo Garduff!

GREAT RENDITION!