How Badly Will England Lose the Third Ashes Test?

So, on to Birmingham, a lonely West Midlands wasteland, made famous by the Mad Max films. The euphoria of England's fortuitous Lord's victory is about to be tempered by the return of the e-bell-a virus to the fold, a man so hideous and cringeworthy you almost feel like slitting your wrists the moment he comes out to bat, that mop of peroxide dyed hair sticking up at all kinds of angles. Obviously, we're all very much aware that England are still rubbish, and so it goes that we have a batting order full of crap. There's even talk of the Return of Panesar.

"a lonely West Midlands wasteland". Ouch. Nottingham is a much bigger slagheap.

How Badly Will England Lose the Third Ashes Test?

Yeah, right. Nothing to see here, move along.

Chiv Gus continuing a successful anti-woofing campaign?

skully wrote:Chiv Gus continuing a successful anti-woofing campaign?

Doing a swell job so far...

10" and still growing.

JKLever wrote:

skully wrote:Chiv Gus continuing a successful anti-woofing campaign?

Doing a swell job so far...

Aye, wish I'd thought of it first.

I blame Zog for posting the Day 4 Stumps score Aus v Pak in Hobart in 1999 (NLWL and Gilly got us home in a mammoth effort after we were very similarly 5 for 130-odd as at Lords last week). Qunt.

England will win again - but NOT with Panesar.
Much as it grates, Bell in for KP, otherwise, unchanged.
IF however, Onions stays crocked, then either SiBo or Harmison in as replacement.

An attack of Flintoff, SiBo, Anderson, Harmison and Swann doesn't sound too bad...

Harmison has been a monster in county cricket this season and deserves at least one test IMO, SiBo is even more aggressive than Broad but has the results to back it up and Swanny and Flintoff are no brainers. And if it swings then that attack will be beastly what with Anderson in there as well.

I voted "an innings".

England are due a spastic sub-100 collapse at some point in the series, and with their newly piss-weak batting order, I can see it happening at Edgy.

vilkrang wrote:An attack of Flintoff, SiBo, Anderson, Harmison and Swann doesn't sound too bad...

Harmison has been a monster in county cricket this season and deserves at least one test IMO, SiBo is even more aggressive than Broad but has the results to back it up and Swanny and Flintoff are no brainers. And if it swings then that attack will be beastly what with Anderson in there as well.

Sadly they won't eject Broad ... he "bats" a bit y'know, despite the fact that his bowling is filth!
But yeah, 4 quicks and Swanny sounds tasty ... with Bell getting a ton, bless the little bugger!

What exactly did Onions do wrong at Lords?


Are we ejecting him for one of bad spell (in the 2nd innings). He took wickets and useful ones at that.

How bad is his niggle?

He didn't do much wrong, but he didn't look like ripping through their lineup, which is something Harmison is capable of (yeah it might backfire, but surely that's where the 5 bowler policy would come in handy?).

Harmison is the most frustrating player ever. When we don't need him (as much) he does quality on the county circuit and when we do need him, he bowls to 2nd slip or gets homesick.


I might be saging my way through this but the guy is a liability. Australia already know this. I wonder how many Flashbacks of 2005 Harmy will get, when England aren't in a comfortable position.

DJ_Smerk wrote:What exactly did Onions do wrong at Lords?

Are we ejecting him for one of bad spell (in the 2nd innings). He took wickets and useful ones at that.

Nothing Smerf .. I personally think he wasn't used much or at the right times by Strausser ... but then I guess the niggle might have played a part ... explains why Broadly got the ball more often.

His elbow was still crock on the day after the test ... but yeah, expect him to play... winning team and all that!

There's no I in team. But there is in Ian Bell.

I've been trying for the last 10 mins to find a sexy picture of Ian Bell- I saw one of him in a magazine advertising a special edition England kit and by god he was just smolderingly hot. Can't find it on the web though- can anyone help?

Oh and with a fit Flintoff anything from a middling defeat to a win, without an absolute banker heavy win for OZ and 1-1 it will be.

Thanks Rach.

*Ahem* this is not Rachel- now find me Ian Bell porn!

Don't ruin every England fan's dream by tarnishing Ian Bell's career with lude photos.

We've all done those lewd photo shoots...

Merlin wrote:

DJ_Smerk wrote:What exactly did Onions do wrong at Lords?

Are we ejecting him for one of bad spell (in the 2nd innings). He took wickets and useful ones at that.

Nothing Smerf .. I personally think he wasn't used much or at the right times by Strausser

Five-bowler syndrome?

Strausser's preference for a gash Broad rather than Onions did irritate at times.

Broad has really not delivered so far and as I said way before the series, this is the make or break year for Broad.

It doesn't look like he'll make the end of this Test series let alone the SAF tour in the Winter.

It's a shame because there were high hopes for him once upon a time. He'll probably end up in obscurity like Mahmood and Plunkett (although don't be surprised if these guys are picked in the test squad for the winter tour).

I believe that Broad has one more chance to impress. Otherwise, it's back to the prying jaws of Augustus in Notts.