A rant about Kevin Pietersen

At least Trott puts a price on his wicket in all forms of cricket. Thank f*ck the likes of him and Cook will never be made complacent and sloppy by things like the IPL.

I remember when he first started in ODIs, KP coming to the wicket and working the ball around sensibly, looking solid, and playing proper cricket shots, until he slipped a gear in the 40th over, by which time his eye was well and truly in, and he could make merry. He batted like it was him verses the World and he wasn't going to give an inch.

Now he just tries to see how many different cute little shots he can play in an innings of 15, before he slogs one to a fielder in the deep, shrugs his shoulders, and walks off, safe in the knowledge that he's now a very rich man with other options should his England career go south. The c*nt.

Happens to the best. I would be more worried if his test batting took a regular dip. At least he better than Michael Clarke and Punter in tests atm. And since when did the English start getting so bugged about their players one day form?

I think his test batting is quite similar in fact. It's just that he has a knack of playing a blinder just as people are getting really fed up with him, such as his double century in this Ashes, or his lucky Warne-dropped series saver in 2005.

Henry wrote:

I remember when he first started in ODIs, KP coming to the wicket and working the ball around sensibly, looking solid, and playing proper cricket shots, until he slipped a gear in the 40th over, by which time his eye was well and truly in, and he could make merry.

You mean like he did two games ago?

Yeah, terminal decline has set in...

Batman wrote:And since when did the English start getting so bugged about their players one day form?

Mudge isn't representative of "the English".

Or people.

Yes, but there is no consistency at all. In test cricket in the last year or so, he's made one huge score surrounded by a lot of low ones, and in ODIs, he averages something like 20 in his last 50 games.
And it's not like he's always out to brilliant bowling. 90% of his dismissals are down to loose shots.

Batman wrote:Happens to the best. I would be more worried if his test batting took a regular dip.

1 hundred in his last 20 tests for kp

I'm with Mudge, it's just laziness IMO. Not willing to battle his hubris. He just isn't thinking enough about the bowlers. Thinks they aren't good enough, which they probably aren't, but they aren't total shitweasels. He brings his own downfall more than most batsmen.

Saying all of this, I'm still a squealing fanboy of his and being as sh!t as he has been he's still clearly the best player we have.

The One wrote:

Batman wrote:Happens to the best. I would be more worried if his test batting took a regular dip.

1 hundred in his last 20 tests for kp

Plus four 90's where he got out batting like a twat each time.

Brass Monkey wrote:

The One wrote:

Batman wrote:Happens to the best. I would be more worried if his test batting took a regular dip.

1 hundred in his last 20 tests for kp

Plus four 90's where he got out batting like a twat each time.

in the last 20 tests he only has one score in the 90s

5 in his career as a whole

Brass Monkey wrote:I'm with Mudge, it's just laziness IMO. Not willing to battle his hubris. He just isn't thinking enough about the bowlers. Thinks they aren't good enough, which they probably aren't, but they aren't total shitweasels. He brings his own downfall more than most batsmen.

Saying all of this, I'm still a squealing fanboy of his and being as sh!t as he has been he's still clearly the best player we have.

He's always found inventive ways of spunking his wicket up the wall, but I don't see any reason for Mudge's rant (other than a sandy vagina), given that he's been in poor form in all cricket, post-achilles injury - but has started to turn the corner since this tour started and begun to look like his game is getting back into shape.

Three ODIs in: one excellent knock, one decent first-baller, one dickhead shot - it's hardly time to bring out the old "Pietersen just doesn't care enough for me and my sofa and my crippling sense of bloated fury that I must live in a world where people don't succeed on my behalf".

Dello wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:I'm with Mudge, it's just laziness IMO. Not willing to battle his hubris. He just isn't thinking enough about the bowlers. Thinks they aren't good enough, which they probably aren't, but they aren't total shitweasels. He brings his own downfall more than most batsmen.

Saying all of this, I'm still a squealing fanboy of his and being as sh!t as he has been he's still clearly the best player we have.

He's always found inventive ways of spunking his wicket up the wall, but I don't see any reason for Mudge's rant (other than a sandy vagina), given that he's been in poor form in all cricket, post-achilles injury - but has started to turn the corner since this tour started and begun to look like his game is getting back into shape.

Three ODIs in: one excellent knock, one decent first-baller, one dickhead shot - it's hardly time to bring out the old "Pietersen just doesn't care enough for me and my sofa and my crippling sense of bloated fury that I must live in a world where people don't succeed on my behalf".

So when you criticise a player it's ok, but when i do it's "my crippling sense of bloated fury that I must live in a World where people don't succeed on my behalf?" FFS Dello. You can criticise with the best of them. Have done all winter. Didn't realise KP was bringing your spoof to the surface every evening.

I can understand his achilles injury affecting his footwork a bit, and making him slightly less nimble on his feet, but the way he gets out, that doesn't seem to be the case. It's usually just a daft, low percentage shot that brings about his downfall. Again. And again. And he's meant to be the most senior batsman in the team now along with Strauss.

The whole, "Oh it's KP. He'sll be alright. Might piss it away most of the time, but sooner or later that blue moon will come along and he'll single handedly win us a big match."

Trott and Cook won us matches this winter. Big matches. But they're not a drama queen, pouting ex South African with a pop star girlfriend, so it's not as special.

With his talent, he should be averaging 55 and being considered a great player, but it seems like he's settled for being 'good to very good' with an average of 48.

The One wrote:
in the last 20 tests he only has one score in the 90s

5 in his career as a whole

My mistake, must've been some 80s or something. Not excusing it anyhow.

Dello wrote:
He's always found inventive ways of spunking his wicket up the wall, but I don't see any reason for Mudge's rant (other than a sandy vagina), given that he's been in poor form in all cricket, post-achilles injury - but has started to turn the corner since this tour started and begun to look like his game is getting back into shape.

Three ODIs in: one excellent knock, one decent first-baller, one dickhead shot - it's hardly time to bring out the old "Pietersen just doesn't care enough for me and my sofa and my crippling sense of bloated fury that I must live in a world where people don't succeed on my behalf".

No, you're right, I just tire of the consistently annoying ways he brings his own untimely demise. If I'd finished myself off by the time he did them, I'm sure I wouldn't be griping.

Henry wrote:

With his talent, he should be averaging 55 and being considered a great player, but it seems like he's settled for being 'good to very good' with an average of 48.

Whether he's "settled" for it is merely conjecture. However, 48 still makes him our best bat - or it will when Trott's numbers settle down.

Where are the threads for the soft dismissals of Strauss, Bell and Morgan? Or are they exempt from such rants as the expectation that they'll single-handedly carry the show is that much lower? Or their testicles are made of chocolate and that's basically a disability so cut them some slack?

It's ironic that Bells form warranted inclusion at the top of the order, and by sheer luck he's found himself able to revert to malteser balls in the middle overs.

JKLever wrote:It's ironic that Bells form warranted inclusion at the top of the order, and by sheer luck he's found himself able to revert to malteser balls in the middle overs.

Maybe he never lost those malteser balls. Maybe Australia's bowling in the Tests was just so despicable that even a manchild with genitals that double as confectionary could wrap his lips around the withered teet and suckle runs from their flapping windsocks for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Also, his hundred was flukey as f*ck as he was out on around 60, but for the intervention of the malfunctioning robot umpire that will one day destroy us all.

Dello wrote:

Henry wrote:

With his talent, he should be averaging 55 and being considered a great player, but it seems like he's settled for being 'good to very good' with an average of 48.

Whether he's "settled" for it is merely conjecture. However, 48 still makes him our best bat - or it will when Trott's numbers settle down.

Where are the threads for the soft dismissals of Strauss, Bell and Morgan? Or are they exempt from such rants as the expectation that they'll single-handedly carry the show is that much lower? Or their testicles are made of chocolate and that's basically a disability so cut them some slack?

Well no one is exempt from a rant. I commented in the match thread that Bell seems to have gone back to being the timid little boy he was between 2005 and 2009 in this series. The others have played some sh!t shots as well. But yes, I do expect more from KP, because talent wise he is head and shoulders above anyone else in the England side. It seems like he's going along with the 'enigmatic' tag, rather than aiming to be more consistent. "What did you say? I'm not performing as I should? F*ck you. I'm Kevin Pietersen, and i'm enigmatic. I'll make a score sooner or later. I'm a 'big match player'. Just you watch." And he does make a score, and we cheer, but then it doesn't happen again for quite a while, and the cycle is repeated.

And I love watching the guy bat when he's in full flow, and I cheer the slog sweeps and the stretching cover drives and flashy pull shots complete with the grunt. He does, actually, make me a little bit moist when he's going, which is a relief to my sandy vagina.

I just wish he could apply himself a bit more at times, and we could see it all more often. because he's good enough to be more consistent than he is at the moment.

Another awful shot tonight when well set. He just doesn't get it. What a f*cking dope.

Pietersen in ODI cricket since his last century in November 2008-

17, 12, 3, 48, 4, 45, 3, 1, 18, 22, 17, 29, 33, 25, 8, 0, 78, 0, 12, 40


Yeah, what a f*cking match winner.

Yes that's right, an average of 20.75 in his last 20 innings in ODI cricket. And he's supposedly our best player.

I just don't think he cares about ODIs. Just tests and T20s. Clearly thinks ODIs should be confined to the scrap heap. Well maybe he should be first, and we can get someone like Hildreth or Bopara in there.

maybe he's just out of form. he's not been too great in tests either since the summer of 2009

How about someone have a rant about Morgan.

Overrated git.

The One wrote:maybe he's just out of form. he's not been too great in tests either since the summer of 2009

Well he's been out of form for two years then. I guess Chris Martin is also a brilliant, match winning batsman who's just been out of form for his entire life. Oh well, he's a 'big game player'. I'm sure he'll come good and smash that double ton under pressure that everyone knows he's capable of.......

Paul Keating wrote:How about someone have a rant about Morgan.

Overrated git.

Morgan doesn't have any post ashes tiredness excuse, either. Unless he's got tired from hitting so many balls in the nets these last three months. I think his problem, along with the rest of England's batsman, is that they are taking too many risks, too soon.

It's like they forget that proper cricket shots are still allowed in one day cricket.

I don't normally join in with the player bashing, but have to agree about KP. For me he's worse than Morgan because he has this way of getting your hopes up and then kicking you in the nuts. All he had to do today was keep pushing it about with Bell. Someone needs to say to him, "No , you can't go for the big hits today because it's not neccesary and frankly your judgement's a bit sh1t at the moment."

"A bit sh1t? Me!? ME?! Kevein Pieterson? A bit sh1t??!!""

"Yes Kevin, that is what the figures suggest. Look...here, here, here and here."