Stuart Broad

by taipan Wed 11 May 2011, 06:49

Not the greatest but seeing as nothing is going on.

The Stonemasons have unanimously elected Stuart Broad as England’s T20 Captain.

No sh!t.

We take a look at 10 things we should expect…

1. When an England bowler appeals for an optimistic LBW, the umpire will first reject it. Then he will see Broad’s puppy-dog eyes from mid-on, and remember that he’s been invited to caddy for The Broad Family the next day – he wouldn’t want to ****** up that, would he?

2. From now England players will only be called to the match referee’s office for a ‘how’s-yer-father?’

3. Stuart Broad to marry Pippa Middleton – only faux-royalty will do for England’s second-most important female cricket captain.

4. Players (aka subordinates) must now refer to Broad as ‘The Dude’.

5. Press are now under instruction to refer to Broad as “the natural successor to Strauss, Cook, Botham and David Cameron.”

Oh, wait…they already do.

6. Only drinks allowed in England dressing room from now on are Pimm’s and strawberry daquiris.

7. Matt Prior to be elevated to vice-captain. Because every high school bitch needs an ugly best friend.

8. Elocution lessons for Jonathon Trott and Kevin Pietersen.

9. Group-bonding sessions to now include fox-hunting trips, led by Alastair Cook.

10. Batting order to be decided by games of soggy biscuit.

by horace Wed 11 May 2011, 07:06

rofl...the lady di of english cricket...certain Mudge still refers to him as promising

by Basil Wed 11 May 2011, 07:39

horace wrote:rofl...the lady di of english cricket...certain Mudge still refers to him as promising

He's better than anything you've got.

by horace Wed 11 May 2011, 07:41

now now Bas ...making comparisons is unseemly...and of course our bunch of dubbers are neither good nor promising...Oz props up the rickety ladder of International cricket