England v India, 5th Test, The Oval, 15-19 August, 2014

I'd have to go back to Illingworth and Boycott.

Ironically ................both Yorkies!

aye, they must have been intended to make up for all the others

vilkrang wrote:"When asked if some of the players, handpicked as India's Test future, could maybe give up the IPL and work on their Test game, Dhoni shot back: "Don't be jealous of the IPL.""

The man is a big bag of dicks. One can only hope India continue to get rinsed.

lardbucket wrote:I'd have to go back to Illingworth and Boycott.

Can you imagine having Illingworth, Boycott, Close and Trueman in the same team. Yorkshire cricket must have been a barrel of laughs in the 60s.

ILLINGWORTH:
Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of risotto.
BOYCOTT:
Nothing like a good glass of Château de Chasselas, eh, Raymond?
CLOSE:
You're right there, Geoffrey.
TRUEMAN:
Who'd have thought thirty year ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Château de Chasselas, eh?
ILLINGWORTH:
In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.
BOYCOTT:
A cup o' cold tea.
TRUEMAN:
Without milk or sugar.
CLOSE:
Or tea.
ILLINGWORTH:
In a cracked cup, an' all.
TRUEMAN:
Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.
BOYCOTT:
The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.
CLOSE:
But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
ILLINGWORTH:
Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness, son".
TRUEMAN:
Aye, 'e was right.
ILLINGWORTH:
Aye, 'e was.
TRUEMAN:
I was happier then and I had nothin'. We used to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof.
BOYCOTT:
House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, 'alf the floor was missing, and we were all 'uddled together in one corner for fear of falling.
CLOSE:
Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in t' corridor!
ILLINGWORTH:
Oh, we used to dream of livin' in a corridor! Would ha' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woke up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House? Huh.
TRUEMAN:
Well, when I say 'house' it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us.
BOYCOTT:
We were evicted from our 'ole in the ground; we 'ad to go and live in a lake.
CLOSE:
You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in t' shoebox in t' middle o' road.
ILLINGWORTH:
Cardboard box?
CLOSE:
Aye.
ILLINGWORTH:
You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.
BOYCOTT:
Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at six o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of 'ot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!
CLOSE:
Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to 'ave to get up out of shoebox at twelve o'clock at night and lick road clean wit' tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home our Dad would slice us in two wit' bread knife.
TRUEMAN:
Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.
ILLINGWORTH:
And you try and tell the young people of today that ..... they won't believe you.
ALL:
They won't!

 

Top Wally!

" My wife made me not quit - Cook"

BITCH!

Brass Monkey wrote:" My wife made me not quit - Cook"

BITCH!

She didn't want him in the kitchen?

taipan wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:" My wife made me not quit - Cook"

BITCH!

She didn't want him in the kitchen?

Would you? He'd probably drop the Spag Bol after a fumble. He'd probably miss the pan with the herbs. He'd probably decide it's best to cook it slowly for about 7 hours, just in case it burns.

I'd imagine he only makes toast with Hovis Best of Both and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter for breakfast.

A dab of Nutella after a night of missionary sex to tart things up

He's allowed one cup of tea, with skimmed milk and a sweetener, when he rewards himself for a jolly good night of standard sex.

skully wrote:And has an allegedly world class player ever been as badly and comprehensively dismantled as Coaly was in this series? Vijay and Rahane showed some fight, and Dhoni, despite his seeming general indifference, always attempted to show some heart at the wicket. But the rest of the batsmen were pap.

Of the bowlers only Buvi Kumar gets a pass mark. Ishant's 7-fer was largely due to unbelievably inept short ball play from England. The rest of the time he was rubbish.

You really get the impression that India begrudgingly play Test cricket - really preferring the money-spinning T20 circus instead - and at home if possible. SRT would be disgusted.

Pretty much. Especially this:

And has an allegedly world class player ever been as badly and comprehensively dismantled as Coaly was in this series?

Anyone recall anything comparable?

Freddie's restriction of gilchrist in 05 was pretty impressive. Granted he did not end up looking as bad as coals but he was coming off a higher benchmark

When I thought of Kohli's travails, I immediately thought of the similar wrecking of Gilchrist. He averaged the low 20's, with only a swishing 49* to fat up that average. That's an absolute smooshing for someone so dominant. It's pretty exceptional the depths Kohli plumbed. To average 13 over 10 innings is quite something.

Yeah, and Jimmy Anderson averaged more with the bat than Kohli, Pujara, Dhawan and Gambhir. TAYPOC.

what a transformation for the Poms and the Bannies...the former now is a serious contender for number 1 and the latter is now consigned to Chumpdom....I blame Aquacker's off beat commentary and Srinivasan...

Has anyone seen a Karticle explaining the moral win enjoyed by BanIndia?

The latest karticle seems to be about how slow over rates aren't a problem and should be ignored... with a related link to a story about Emma getting a fine for slow over rates

G.Wood wrote:Freddie's restriction of gilchrist in 05 was pretty impressive.  Granted he did not end up looking as bad as coals but he was coming off a higher benchmark

Just shows what a fantastic effort team Vawn & Feltch put in to overcome a very powerful Aus side in that grand series. Their homework and the team execution was outstanding, with only Langer averaging above 40, and a similar job on Gilly being done on Marto. It was only stellar bowling from the TGM and the injury-restricted tgm that really enabled Aus to stay in the series.

Punter v Harby?

Most of the England top order against Midge last summer?

Was Cullinan good enough before Warne humiliated him?

Mark Waugh's Audi in SL probably didn't count because he was never in long enough to be "dismantled".

Warne made Cull look like an A grade dill but as I recall no other spin bowler gave him anything like the same problems.

Likewise Harbajan and Punter. Harbi needed a bunny in Oz towards the end because most others could play him with a broom handle.  Arguably Punter accidentally set himself up as the sacrificial lamb - India needed somebody who could sort Pointing out,  even if that was his only role in the team, and even if after he'd done that he was a liability.

Waugh's four-fifths of an Olympic sign was different again because it was fairly early in his career. He had already been dropped once, had only scored one century since his debut and at a rough guess he'd have taken an average of 35 absolute tops to the middle with him for the first of the four ducks. So it wasn't quite the sudden collapse of a fixture in the team

MEW's 13th and 14th Test

ave started at 41.05 and finished at 33.23

Jimmy Amarnath at home against the Windies in 1983/84?
Six months previously he had scored heavily against the same opponents in the Windies.