England v Australia, 1st Test, Cardiff, 8-12 July, 2015

Anyway, in a surprise move, Trevor Bayliss has overturned the applecart and decided England have to go for proven track records ("class is permanent").

So here's England's XII for tomorrow:


Jack HOBBS (the horse)
Stephen FRY (all-rounder)
Nick COMPTON (end blocker)
Richard HAMMOND (dieselhead)
James MAY (ditto)
Zandra RHODES (fashion)
Lily ALLEN (aka Cooper) *
Chris EVANS (dieselhead) +
Jon SNOW (newsman with jazzy tie)
Jason STATHAM (action dieselhead)
Martin FREEMAN (supporting actor)

12: Pat BUTCHER (Eastenders, guitar)

Nice. They've all performed well. I think Mikey may say Australia aren't losing sleepless nights over them, though, because they haven't performed recently. Pretty insulting of Mikey, all in all.

So it is telling me on the right that there are nought days remaining to the test. Maybe it should be on now.

You've forgotten the 22 HRS + bit.

PeterCS wrote:You've forgotten the 22 HRS + bit.

I realise I'm in the wrong hemisphere!

Red wrote:

PeterCS wrote:You've forgotten the 22 HRS + bit.

I realise I'm in the wrong hemisphere!

Has absolutely nothing to do with the countdown.

Dello wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:I think of Nick Compton as someone who was done for after a brief bad run

I think of Nick Compton as someone who turned up on an American TV show and danced in his underpants.



This happened. He can never play for England again.

"English cricketer dances on American television in underpants" sounds like a comedy sketch.

How did this happen? I mean seriously, why would he be asked and furthermore why would he agree?

Insanity.

Why, you ask ...

No pedalo available at the time?

Getting ready to run through the sprinkler? (Monty is banned from this one)

How Dello found it, not once, but twice is the thing to cogitate. I can only think he was Googling 'Nick Compton naked'. Which is cool. It's just I don't know the level of denial he's hitting.

Brass Monkey wrote:How Dello found it, not once, but twice is the thing to cogitate. I can only think he was Googling 'Nick Compton naked'. Which is cool. It's just I don't know the level of denial he's hitting.

Bookmarked?

Dello has his finger on every pulse.

Watch out.

IN YOUR SLEEP you're not safe.

taipan wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:How Dello found it, not once, but twice is the thing to cogitate. I can only think he was Googling 'Nick Compton naked'. Which is cool. It's just I don't know the level of denial he's hitting.

Bookmarked?

Maybe. He hated Nicky C and wanted Root to open (which IIRC worked out beautifully). So why would he bookmark? I reckon he's into hate-wanking. Pull up that video and go for a good, old-fashioned hate-wank.

Michale Clarke saying at his press conference that even if Harris had been fit he wouldn't have played in the 1st two test. Oh really? I think not.

I also hope his reference to how quick and how well Mitch J is swinging the ball in the nets is akin to how England have historically referenced how well the batsmen are hitting it in the nets only to go and post subsequent single figure scores.

Who'd have thought it - Cook 'out-personality's' Clarke in press conference. This brave new world truly has no bounds.

And Sky Sports News can now get back to more important matters - talking about premiership footballers having medicals.

Dello wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:I think of Nick Compton as someone who was done for after a brief bad run

I think of Nick Compton as someone who turned up on an American TV show and danced in his underpants.



This happened. He can never play for England again.

So it was a briefs bad run.

Anyone know if GEM are showing the whole test or is it just tonight because WIN have SOO ?

They're showing Compton's junk, over and over. And over.

Brass Monkey wrote:How Dello found it, not once, but twice is the thing to cogitate. I can only think he was Googling 'Nick Compton naked'. Which is cool. It's just I don't know the level of denial he's hitting.

The video was recorded AND uploaded by Jimmy Anderson.

True story.

Disturbing. And sexy.

Which is how no-one would describe Compton's batting.

Dunno.. I saw him play T20 the other day - it wasn't sexy, but his shuffle-footed bottom-handed hacks were sphincter-tighteningly disturbing. I had to use a spanner on my dong just to be able to go for a shit.

Dello wrote:Which is how no-one would describe Compton's batting.

It's all relative.

To Gary Ballance, Compton's batting is dark and exotic.

If BBC weather is to be believed it looks like a bowling day tomorrow.

Tonight is more exciting than Xmas Eve, although it is tinged with a grim anxiety that I never associate with Xmas...well outside of the usual fear I have on Dec 24 that Compton will turn up to the house uninvited, get pissed - AGAIN - take down his trousers - AGAIN - and dance around in a very strange fashion and make all the children start crying and curling up into the foetal position. Still, the vicar seems to like it.

Big Dog wrote:Anyone know if GEM are showing the whole test or is it just tonight because WIN have SOO ?

The GEM TV Guide says it's on each night this week. Excellent - HD Ashes!!

Lindsay no.2 wrote:

Dello wrote:Which is how no-one would describe Compton's batting.

It's all relative.

To Gary Ballance, Compton's batting is dark and exotic.

To Gary Ballance, the popping crease is dark and exotic. And terrifying.