Australia Day

Darwin


Darwin is a town full of top Australians. It is in the Northern Territory
which is also a pretty tops place because it has a massive rock in the middle
of it. The average temperature in Darwin is 65°C, with humidity usually around
190%. This creates an ideal climate for beer consumption. The Guinness Book
of Records makes a special mention of Darwin because it is a place where beer
consumption approaches super-human levels. The people of Darwin drink a
massive 194.6 litres of beer per person annually, and that includes women
and children. That is a shitload. In fact it is illegal in Darwin to drink
less than a six-pack a day. Darwinnians drink so much that they created their
very own 2 litre beer bottle, called the Darwin Stubby. It is the biggest
beer bottle in the universe. Skulling a Darwin Stubby is a necessary
requirement for a Darwin High School Certificate.
Darwin is a top Aussie.

The Ute


The Ute represents the cream of top Aussie engineering. It was
invented in Australia by Holden when a bloke wrote to them and
complained that he couldn't fit enough beer in the back of a
sedan. Since then all utes have been designed so that
Australians can haul as much beer as possible. Farmers also like
utes cause Blue Heelers are particularly flatulent dogs and the
tray makes a good place for them. The lack of weight over the
back tyres makes the ute ideal for work, especially circle work.
The ute is a top Aussie.

Demelza wrote:"On Australia Day we come together as a nation to celebrate what's great
about Australia and being Australian. It's the day to reflect on what
we have achieved and what we can be proud of in our great nation."

Go on then....tell us please.

What "we have achieved"? We've beaten every farker on the cricket field. Does anything else matter?

Where are you getting this Gold from, JGK?? The Top Aussie Beer Almanac??

The Panno


The Panno is a top Aussie. It is just like a ute except
it has a roof over the tray so your beer doesn't get wet.
When you put a mattress in the back of a Panno it becomes
a "shaggin waggon", and most mothers will not let their
daughters near one. The rear section has windows at the
side to provide for easy condom disposal or to allow bong
air to ventilate out.The large back window usually has
curtains to give you privacy while you root, and but the
back springs are noisy enough so that all of your mates
know that you're getting a shot off. Many conservative religious groups try to lobby the goverment
to ban the Panno, calling them "four-wheeled fornication emporiums". Pannos are also grouse
cars for carting heaps of stuff around, like fifteen of your pissed mates down to the pub.
Many tradesmen love Pannos and use them as work vehicles, because building sites are prime
areas to pick up chicks for a quick shag. Just ask any carpenter. The Panno is a top Aussie.

David Foster


David Foster is a top Aussie. He is a World Champion woodchopper from
Tasmania. Foster was won so many woodchopping events that some people
reckon he's the most successful sportsman in history, which sounds
about right because he's an Aussie. In fact, if you put all of his
woodchopping medals together in a pile, it would make a bloody big pile.
David's success as a woodchopper is partly due to his technique,
partly due to his equipment, but mostly due to the fact that he is a
huge massive tank of a man who could proabably drink a whole keg
without getting a shine. His facial hair is also in compliance with
Tasmanian moustache legislation, which states that all men must
endeavour to look like Boonie. David Foster is a top Aussie.

The Big Donger


The Big Donger is a top Aussie. It is an observation tower in
Newcastle that was constructed when the city planners saw the
need for a massive penis-like structure in the middle of town.
The Big Donger is called many names by locals, most of which play
on the fact that it looks like a huge dick. If you feel energetic,
you can climb up the inner staircase to the top, where the views of
the city will provide a momentary distraction which allows you to
forget that you are standing inside an enormous stiffy. The Big
Donger is built onto the side of a brewery, but that is small
consolation considering that it is a 30 metre steel tubed hard-on.
Although most Novocastrians regard the immense pork-sword as an
eyesore, the Big Donger is still a top Aussie.

Fark me JGK. PMSL. This is right out of the Ronnie Johns top shelf.

here you go Skully:

http://www.geocities.com/topaussieguide/Page2.htm

Hehehe. But Warwick Capper FFS??? Seems way dated.

Yeah - I don't think the website had changed for about 10 years.

I still go back every now and then though and PMSL all over again.

Aye. Classy stuff. I listen to Merrick and Rosso every morning on my 1 hour drive to work. They make me PMSL on a daily basis. At least they haven't dated. Although they played a 9 year-old interview with Heath Ledger (in the wake of his most untimely death) and totally took the p!ss out themselves about how bad they sounded 9 years ago.

Happy Australia Day, you Drunks!!

Huzzah. [bows to her fairness]

Having fun, meaty?

Aye. Lots thanks, fair shield maiden.

eowyn wrote:Happy Australia Day, you ******!!

Aye, Happy Australia Day

Nice asterisks, JKL, ya big softy.

He's being polite because it's your 'special' day.

Happy Australia Day? What the f*ck is this place?

Meh, he can call me all the ******s he wants, I know deep down you English folk love your Aussie offspring.

eowyn wrote:He's being polite because it's your 'special' day.

Actually I can't believe Dello has even got c n u t s on the swear filter!!

Happy Australia Day? What the f*ck is this place?

Don't you know where you are again, deary?

Hehehe, JD censor-extraordinaire.

eowyn wrote:

Happy Australia Day? What the f*ck is this place?

Don't you know where you are again, deary?

Yerra know. Just don't like all this "Ooh, yes, Happy Australia Day you lovely people. We love you. "

It's crud.