A tongue-in-cheek letter from Dan Nicholl to Norman Arendse

Dear Norman...
Dan Nicholl
Mon, 11 Feb 2008

Nicholl pens a letter of support to Norman Arendse, President of Cricket South Africa, in the wake of his public disagreement with national coach Mickey Arthur...


Manheru Norman!

Thought you might appreciate a Zimbabwean greeting — it’s been a tough couple of days for you by all accounts, and if I remember correctly, you’ve got quite a few friends up north after your sterling work defending the Zimbabwe Cricket Union against nasty colonial types, sceptical of the democratic endeavours of Harare’s government during the World Cup. (Is Bob Mugabe still the patron of the Zimbabwe Cricket Union? If he is, please do pass on my regards.)

I digress, though — it’s been a challenging spell for you (do you like the cricket terminology there, Norman?), with more pressure than you’ve had since that R90 000 holiday the South African Rugby Union sent you on a few years ago. And so I thought it was only proper to offer a few words of support — after all, you are the President, and whether it’s Mugabe or Bush, presidents deserve a little support. So here it is...

Basically, I’m right behind you, Norman, even if I’m not entirely sure how you managed to pick a fight with Mickey Arthur — I’d have thought starting a row with the Dalai Lama would have been easier. But it’s done, words have been said (I really hope Mickey didn’t say anything about your hair, Norman, which is looking better than ever at the moment), and now things have to be sorted out — and if Mickey has to go, well, that’s the way these things pan out, I’m afraid.

To be honest, I’d really prefer it if you didn’t get rid of Mickey — to begin with, who’d iron Graeme’s shirts on tour? — especially as there aren’t a great deal of replacements lined up. Gary Kirsten’s done a runner to New Delhi, Shaun Pollock’s still an emotional mess, Jonty couldn’t possibly sit still long enough to do the job, and Jomo Sono just doesn’t have the pedigree, with all due respect. But it’s your call, Norman, and I’ll back you whatever happens.

I would be interested in knowing a little more about the selection debate, though. Personally, I’d have had Neil McKenzie back in the squad as soon as humanly possible (what you think of Kerry, Norman — bit of all right, eh?), but there are other factors to consider, which I’m fully aware of. I’ve got Herschelle in my Cricinfo fantasy squad, and I’ve got a sneaking suspicion you might just have too — and what’s the point of being President, if you can’t get the players you need to score you points, and win that limited edition Richie Benaud replica jacket that Cricinfo have up for grabs this month? And if Hersch does make runs against the ruthless Bangladesh attack (the same attack that almost took a couple of wickets in New Zealand last month), then vindication will be the word I think everyone will be looking for, Norman.

And then there’s the rumour that’s drifted my way, rumour I fervently hope to be true. Are you really planning to take on a role as player/coach of Mickey does need to be tossed into Table Bay Harbour in concrete boots? It’s a bold move, Norman, but I reckon you could pull it off, particular if your cousin Basil joins you up front. Bold leadership’s what we need, Norman, and you fronting up to the new ball — preferably against Brett Lee at the WACA — would be almost as welcome as Mike Stofile fronting up to Carl Hayman in the front row.

Anyway, that’s all conjecture, which is the last thing you need, particularly with a squad still to be announced. Monde Zondeki’s a great call, seriously — he looks like the bowler of three years ago who terrorised everyone in sight — and I’d love to see him get a game, particularly during a full moon when Andre Nel has to be kept in his cage for the night. As long as he’s picked for cricket reasons, of course, which is exactly as Monde would want it — after all, what professional player has felt a genuine wave of pride at being selected as a political pawn? But then you wouldn’t do anything of the sort, now would you, Norman? Of course not.

That’ll do me for now, I’m afraid — watching the Nations Cup final has taken it out of me, and I’ve got an arduous 18 holes ahead of me at the Vodacom Championship pro-am tomorrow. Really hope everything gets sorted out, and that Mickey doesn’t need any more persuasion to appreciate the way forward — after all, if the President can’t make a few selection calls, and get the occasional spot in the one-day side, then why have sports administrators? At that rate, you might as well get rid of the lot of them. And we couldn’t have that.

All the best, then, Norman, and hope the cover drive’s working nicely,

Dan