Re: English wit in crisis - Clarkson 4th wittiest Englishman.

by Merlin Mon 15 Oct 2007, 13:04

JKLever wrote:
taipan wrote:
JKLever wrote:Weren't Oscar wilde & Spike Milligan oirish?

So much so that Spike could never get a British passport.

After the death of friend Harry Secombe from cancer, he said, "I'm glad he
died before me, because I didn't want him to sing at my funeral."

Gold

.... And he wanted "I told you I was ill" inscribed on his tombstone.

Did he ever get his wish?

by doctorspin Mon 15 Oct 2007, 13:08

Merlin wrote:
JKLever wrote:
taipan wrote:
JKLever wrote:Weren't Oscar wilde & Spike Milligan oirish?

So much so that Spike could never get a British passport.

After the death of friend Harry Secombe from cancer, he said, "I'm glad he
died before me, because I didn't want him to sing at my funeral."

Gold

.... And he wanted "I told you I was ill" inscribed on his tombstone.

Did he ever get his wish?

That was a great one as well. Apparently the Church were he was buried wouldn't allow it......humourless cnuts.

by LeFromage Mon 15 Oct 2007, 17:41

I like Top Gear.

James May is the funniest of the trio, though.

That's all. Carry on.

by Guest Mon 15 Oct 2007, 17:44

Did you see it yesterday?
Loved the English Channel crossing in their amphibious crafts!
Didn't think they'd actually make it.

by LeFromage Mon 15 Oct 2007, 17:45

Actually that's not all - Clarkson deserves some kind of praise for taking umbrage at something professional scum-sucker Piers Pugh Morgan wrote about him and seeking him out at an awards dinner and punching him in the face.

And then, when he'd got back to his feet, punching him in the face again.

by LeFromage Mon 15 Oct 2007, 17:48

Demelza wrote:Did you see it yesterday?
Loved the English Channel crossing in their amphibious crafts!
Didn't think they'd actually make it.

Did I see it? It's only one of my favourite shows.

And I don't know or care anything about cars. Grown men cocking about - that's TV gold.

by holcs Mon 15 Oct 2007, 18:17

Dello wrote:
Demelza wrote:Did you see it yesterday?
Loved the English Channel crossing in their amphibious crafts!
Didn't think they'd actually make it.

Did I see it? It's only one of my favourite shows.

And I don't know or care anything about cars. Grown men cocking about - that's TV gold.

Your not wrong Dello...

Its got to be any mans dream job surely... P1$$ arsing about, having a laugh..... Brilliant!!!

by JKLever Mon 15 Oct 2007, 18:22

Grown men cocking about sounds a bit festive though...

Bit close to the bone, as it were.

by Basil Mon 15 Oct 2007, 18:28

Lara Lara Laughs wrote:
Gary 111 wrote:I wouldn't have thought Winston Churchill was a barrel of laughs either.

And Liam Gallagher? All his best lines were written for him by Noel for a start.

Though these surveys are usually made by someone walking around Iceland with a clipboard.

Are you joking? Churchill was the man.

Churchill quotes:

From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.

And there's that famous Churchill at a party one.

Some woman: Winston, you're drunk!

Winston: Ah yes, but in the mourning I shall be sober whereas you shall always be ugly.

And:

Some woman: If I were your wife I'd poison your tea.

Winston: If you were my wife, I'd drink it.

George Bernard Shaw had written a new play and invited WSC to the opening night with the remark " Bring a friend - if you have one"

WSC's reply: "Sorry, cant make the first night, will come to the second - if you have one"

by Guest Mon 15 Oct 2007, 19:39

Dello wrote:
Demelza wrote:Did you see it yesterday?
Loved the English Channel crossing in their amphibious crafts!
Didn't think they'd actually make it.

Did I see it? It's only one of my favourite shows.

And I don't know or care anything about cars. Grown men cocking about - that's TV gold.

I know all about my car.
It's green and I know most of the number plate now.

by HH_pink Mon 15 Oct 2007, 20:30

tac wrote:
taipan wrote:
tac wrote:
Gary 111 wrote:There's an old saying in Tennessee - i know its in Texas. Probably in Tennessee. That says - fool me once ... ... shame on, ... shame on... you. Fool me, you can't get fooled again!

WTF? Isn't it fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me?

Sure had me fooled

Wat you talkin bout, fool?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ux3DKxxFoM

by Guest Mon 15 Oct 2007, 20:50

Would be really scary if someone like that was in a position of power.

by Merlin Mon 15 Oct 2007, 21:01

Errr ... where have you been for the last 6 years?
Now THAT is frightening!

Rolling Eyes

by furriner Mon 15 Oct 2007, 22:14

I think Dem was being ironic.

Unless so were you Merlo, in which case never mind.

by JGK Mon 22 Oct 2007, 14:22

I quite like Clarkson. James May does crack me up though:

"For a country best known for producing communists and peasants, the French do know how to make a small car".

John Cleese is also a fave.

by mynah Mon 22 Oct 2007, 20:53

One of my favourites of Churchill involved him going to the parliamentary toilets and finding the opposition Labour Party leader already having a tinkle. "Feeling standoffish today, Winston?" the latter asked when he took up position as far away as he could get.

"Not really," Churchill replied. "It's just that whenever you see something big, you want to nationalise it."

by Geoffrey Trueman Mon 22 Oct 2007, 23:37

JGK wrote:I quite like Clarkson. James May does crack me up though:

"For a country best known for producing communists and peasants, the French do know how to make a small car".

John Cleese is also a fave.

John Cleese? I must have missed that series. I don't suppose he did 'that' walk while reviewing some over-rated German junk like a BMW 3 series did he?

by JGK Tue 23 Oct 2007, 10:38

Geoffrey Trueman wrote:
JGK wrote:I quite like Clarkson. James May does crack me up though:

"For a country best known for producing communists and peasants, the French do know how to make a small car".

John Cleese is also a fave.

John Cleese? I must have missed that series. I don't suppose he did 'that' walk while reviewing some over-rated German junk like a BMW 3 series did he?

GT - Is that your attempt to get on to the list?

by JKLever Tue 23 Oct 2007, 10:39

mynah wrote:One of my favourites of Churchill involved him going to the parliamentary toilets and finding the opposition Labour Party leader already having a tinkle. "Feeling standoffish today, Winston?" the latter asked when he took up position as far away as he could get.

"Not really," Churchill replied. "It's just that whenever you see something big, you want to nationalise it."

Come on, I can't say i've ever read 'My Favourite 20 party jokes by Winston' much but these aren't fer' real are they? Shocked

by lardbucket Tue 23 Oct 2007, 10:46

He was a renowned epigrammist.

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