Darwin Awards

We have a bloke at work who goes to Weightwatchers. On the occasion of one of his weigh-ins he'd had a bad week on the lard.
"I was dreading it," he said. "So I took my shoes off, 'cos they weigh a bit. I even took off my tie," he confided. "And put it in my pocket."

One of our clients, who works for a massive bank, saw that on his hotel confirmation it had 'free wifi' so he took his Missus. When he got back he called to complain that they had to sleep in a single bed.
Another, from the same bank, called to complain that he wasn't receiving any confirmations. It turns out that when he filled the email bit of his profile form it said "e.g. joe.bloggs@b******s.com", so he put joe.bloggs@etc..

One of my staff who was already on a suspended drivers licence once borrowed a mate's car and pulling out of the driveway lightly tapped a power pole. No damage to the car, no damage to the power pole.

So despite trying to drink the pub dry the night before he drove, yes drove, the car to the cop shop to report the incident.

Of course, the field of aviation in the Third World opens a whole new chapter...

Plane hair-raising stories...

I once had to pick up an old Aboriginal man at his out station in the middle of Kakadu National Park and drive him to the nearest airstrip for a flight to a vitally important meeting.

When we got there the pilot was farking around with the engine.

"What's he doing youngfella"

"Just some pre flight checks I spose"

"What's he got in his hand?"

'It's a Swiss Army knife"

"What's that"

"A knife with other stuff on it. Screwdriver, scissors, a cork screw. Stuff like that."

With that he picked up his swag and started walking back towards the Troopie.

"Where are you going?"

"Home. I'm not flying in anything that's just been repaired with a corkscrew"

Which was a pretty fair call in hindsight.

Very good, Bradders.

Aeroplane was a darn good film.

Are you Aggassied as well as ethanolled?

I can't be arsed TB'ing now. Never mind.

mynah wrote:

Be scared. Be very scared...

What next - emerging pilots?

Well, what did I say?

And I didn't even mean it that literally...

I once audited an Australian program to build a new correctional facility in one of our pacific neighbours. They came in under budget by using the inmates to build it. The 'crat' on the spot couldn't see the problem.

Fox, henhouse anyone.

They really do make them bright in the Eastern Cape!

One has to wonder if it takes a special talent to do something that stupid...

Mr and Mrs Molotov were described by their family as 'the perfect match'. They are recovering at a local private hospital, according to a snickering police spokesman.

From her hospital bed, Mrs Molotov said, "He was an old flame of mine. When I met him again, he told me, 'Come on baby, light my fire!' And that is when things got really hot..."

And then there was this one...

I know I shouldn't be laughing, but...

Cops all over the world thank some deity every day that criminals are basically stupid. Seriously though if you were a recipient of a sperm donor you wouldn't want blokes like these on the scorecard.

Wish more of them would eliminate themselves from the chance of getting a home run...

Yeah should be a common sense test, if only to make it easier for the poor dumb bints who think it's a good idea to procreate that way.

I suppose the common habit of our local house robbers of taking gran, mum and the daughters (including babies) aside for a little procreational fun during their stealing spree does contribute somewhat to the hilarity of this story.

Sorry I must be on the wrong thread (I think).

A bit late in the year, but this guy must be a shoo-in for 2010.

Could FB be the next winner?

Not in the same way, I should hope. Death by banana peeling seems to be an Eastern Cape speciality. (And even there, it usually isn't DIY.)

mynah wrote:Not in the same way, I should hope. Death by banana peeling seems to be an Eastern Cape speciality. (And even there, it usually isn't DIY.)

AIDs in SA on the decrease did I read recently?