Got to love Swanny

In an era of cricketers, particularly England cricketers, almost entirely devoid of characters, he was on good form again yesterday.

Firstly, with his p*ss-take of Brenda's camp heel click.



And then in response to Athers' question about him being the joker in the pack in the post-game interview, "Oh, it's not hard being the funny one in this team."

Is there anyone else in the current England dressing room who would do either of these things, or indeed give a straight answer to a straight question as he continues to? Methinks not.

More power to his elbow, or indeed his heel-click.

Yeah, top bloke.

Pissed myself at his Brett Lee imitation having got him out, because it's so fooking camp.

I like the 'we're on a roll now' bit too

Aye, forgot that!

Apparently, rubs the opposition up the wrong way too so they say - not sure why tbh, just seems a character as you say.

You don't say!

Rubbing the opposition up the wrong way can be very useful.

See Fergie, Warney, Pidge. Helps of course if you can walk the walk.

I say, I say.

Good to see someone take the piss out of Lee.

And he's a more entertaining character than Tuffers.

Unlike Tuffers, Swanny actually has some guts on the field.

And can play a bit.

Yeah, always found Swann to be quality. Always had the humour, one of the things I missed when he left Northants was his weekly column in the local rag. It was always worth a read. Bags of personality and yeah, he can play alright. F*ck you Ashley Giles!!!!

The bitterness still resonates...

Always, always will. Swann hasn't improved much since I was pushing his cause 7 years ago but we've had a glimpse at the difference already. Ashley Giles was a limp piece of lettuce, uncomplicated, limited load of utter filth who shouldn't even have made the Bang or Zim sides - but he was a nice bloke so that's all OK for picking him. Then there's Gareth Batty, Shaun Udal, Ian Blackwell - a list of sincere filth. Fletcher was a bubble-creating qunt.

Yeah, you would be quite within your rights to shout 'I FCUKING TOLD YOU' loudly in old Gravy & Fletchs red faces....

Nasser said on commentary the other day, that he always rated Swann, but that he had a technical flaw that they didn't think would work at the tyop level, where he went way to far over the perpendicular.

He then said he has rectified this and hence now gets the drift etc..

Think it was Feltch that didn't like the fact that Swanny wasn't a Cyborg like Piles!

And Swannie's latest gem:

India's cricketers urged to have sex
September 24, 2009 - 8:12AM





India's cricketers at the Champions Trophy in South Africa are being encouraged by their coach to have sex to boost their on-field performance, a newspaper reports.
The benefits of sex feature prominently in a secret document circulated among players by coach Gary Kirsten and mental conditioning expert Paddy Upton, the Hindustan Times said in a front-page report.
It came as India take on arch-rivals Pakistan in their first Champions Trophy match in Centurion on Saturday.
The large-selling broadsheet, which claimed to have a copy of the document, said the relevant chapter was headlined "Does sex increase performance?".
"Yes it does, so go ahead and indulge," the document said, before detailing the benefits of a good sex life and even suggesting "going solo" if no partners were available.
"From a physiological perspective, having sex increases testosterone levels, which cause an increase in strength, energy, aggression and competitiveness," the document said.
"Conversely, not having sex for a period of a few months causes a significant drop in testosterone levels in both males and females, with the corresponding passiveness and decrease in aggression."
The Indian squad were being tight-lipped about the supposed "vision" document.

Captain MS Dhoni said he wasn't aware of the issue, "his expression clearly betraying him", the Times of India said.

Sachin Tendulkar refused to comment, while Upton said: "It's a lot being made out of nothing, that's simply what it is."

News of the dossier amused cricketers from other nations.

Australian captain Ricky Ponting was left speechless by a giggling fit when asked about it, London's Times said.

“A team vision document on that would be interesting,” he said. “Actually, no, it wouldn’t. That’s all I can say.”

England captain Andrew Strauss said the team's sexual practices had never come up in team documents, while spinner Grame Swann said the idea was “the kind of forward thinking the game needs”.

“I assume he [Kirsten] does not mean within the team. Wives and partners must be involved," he told the Times.

Australian batsman Mike Hussey said: "I have been away from home for four months so I reckon I’ve forgotten how to do it."

The document quoted Tim Noakes, a professor and sports scientist at the University of Cape Town, Kirsten's home town, as saying that "sex was not a problem, but being up till 2:00 am, probably having a few drinks at a bar while trying to pick someone up, on the eve of a game, almost always was".
The document helpfully suggests a solution.
"If you want sex but do not have someone to share it with, one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner, or a few partners, who are as beautiful as you wish to imagine," the document said.
"No pillow talk and no hugging required. Just roll over and go to sleep."
Enforced celibacy may also affect performance, the advice said.
"You may experience that your mind spends more time focusing on the fire in your groin than on good sport practice, preparation and sleep," the document said.
The document also stresses the importance of being aggressive on the field from the start, self-improvement and healthy eating.
AFP and Arjun Ramachandran

The most disturbing part of that is that Australia have things called Team Vision Documents.

Try "not losing to England" as a vision ya mob of thunderqunts

@ Swanny.

Seriously, what bloke needs to have a memo to tell him to have a w@nk if needs be?

JKLever wrote: @ Swanny.

Seriously, what bloke needs to have a memo to tell him to have a w@nk if needs be?

Harmison??

anglo germans are prone to recessive chins...Swann through his chin seems to be trying to make up for the deficiencies of an entire gene pool.

G.Wood wrote:

JKLever wrote: @ Swanny.

Seriously, what bloke needs to have a memo to tell him to have a w@nk if needs be?

Harmison??

He'd need permission from mum as well.

expect many recessive chinned english rose types who look like Lady Di and Broad will find Swann strangely alluring

ah, lovely

horace wrote:anglo germans are prone to recessive chins...Swann through his chin seems to be trying to make up for the deficiencies of an entire gene pool.

Not at your comment but at the fact you've probably spent the past 2 days coming up with that 'gem' you dreary, monotonous, humdum thunderqunt.