101 Uses for Ian Bell

by Basil Fri 18 Dec 2009, 18:54

On the basis that he should no longer be classed as a cricketer - suggestions welcome.

by LeFromage Fri 18 Dec 2009, 19:06

Organ donor.

by Shoeshine Fri 18 Dec 2009, 19:07

Crash Test Dummy

by Basil Fri 18 Dec 2009, 19:16

Dello wrote:Organ donor.

Presumably not the reproductive organs, which are probably too small to feature in a Hadron Collider experiment.

by ever hopeful Fri 18 Dec 2009, 19:44

I reckon he could still be of use to the game of cricket, as a better form of Hawkeye. What you do us keep him in a dark room until there's an LBW appeal, then show him the replay up to just before the ball gets to the batsman. Next you ask him, "What do you reckon? Would you have tried to hit that one?" If he says, "No, I'd have left it", then you know it was definitely going on to hit the stumps. Simple and very reliable.

by LeFromage Fri 18 Dec 2009, 19:55

Except he'd quickly become a system rife for exploiting and would soon get consulted for every conceivable cricketing issue.

"Would you have apologetically edged that?"

"Would you have run yourself out there, like a confused rodent?"

"Would you have had an effluent explosion in your big boy pants to that delivery?"

"Was the way he threw his head back in exasperation an indication that he was gutted to have pissed his wicket away like a massive twat, or upset at the dawning realisation that he's going to have to pay Ashley Giles' boudoir another visit in order to retain his place in the side?"

by skully Fri 18 Dec 2009, 21:03

I thought it was well established that he is either a Christmas Tree decoration or a garden gnome.

by LeFromage Fri 18 Dec 2009, 21:12

Judging by his dismissal today, he's also a mime artist.

by Guest Fri 18 Dec 2009, 22:21

Dello wrote:Except he'd quickly become a system rife for exploiting and would soon get consulted for every conceivable cricketing issue.

"Would you have apologetically edged that?"

"Would you have run yourself out there, like a confused rodent?"

"Would you have had an effluent explosion in your big boy pants to that delivery?"

"Was the way he threw his head back in exasperation an indication that he was gutted to have pissed his wicket away like a massive twat, or upset at the dawning realisation that he's going to have to pay Ashley Giles' boudoir another visit in order to retain his place in the side?"

Harsh but accurate.