I'm on holiday. It's raining.

Red wrote:Weather's hardly propitious here either. We got a wintry blast today. Wish they'd uncork autumn.

You seem to be out of sequence, and you might need to wait a while before Spring arrives!

We usually have lovely weather here, in June but it's been shit.

I've returned from holiday. With a UTI. Brilliant.

Be gentle with me - I'm feeling a bit delicate. From all the pissing blood.

It's not even a cool badge of honour like an STD. It's bloody Prince Phillipitus.

Who knew my dick was a royalist?

Jesus. I knew you were falling apart. It's all the non-drinking and non-meat eating you do. People like you die early and painfully.

That'll be what did it - I spent the holiday drinking and wolfing down lots of barbecued, meaty yumminess.

My body knows that shit's not right for me. And now it's punishing me by making it feel like I'm pissing glass.

Thanks, body. You're a real pal.

Dello wrote:That'll be what did it - I spent the holiday drinking and wolfing down lots of barbecued, meaty yumminess.

My body knows that shit's not right for me. And now it's punishing me by making it feel like I'm pissing glass.

Thanks, body. You're a real pal.

It was probably the dipping your urethra in that tramps soporific saliva.

You can't catch anything from that. I never have before, anyway.

Well, chin up anyway.. just think, when you get your kit back in working order you'll never take it for granted. You've been given the gift of cock-loving.

I'm over the worst of it already. 36 hours of hell, mostly. Fever. Blood. Some sort of weird mucus.

Not that I helped my cause by indulging a brilliant theory that I could wank myself out of it.

Worst. Wank. Ever.

Antibiotics are kicking in now. I'll be fighting fit in no time. But I may never approach a piss again without a tinge of trepidation.

I've heard of 'walk it off' injuries in football but never 'wank it off' - that's a risky old thing to do - that's incredibly brave - I salute you.

I just assumed it would clean out the old pipes and everything would go back to normal.

I was wrong. Agonisingly so.

local newspaper headline....

'Hampshire stockists running short of Kleenex'

Brass Monkey wrote:We're all in the same boat, Dello. Have fun with a Rubix cube like the rest of us.

There actually was a Rubix cube.

It didn't have all it's stickers. F*cking bollocks.

Dello wrote:I just assumed it would clean out the old pipes and everything would go back to normal.

I was wrong. Agonisingly so.

Really? What did the pain feel like? I've never had a UTI so cannot fathom what ejaculating would do.

I had a UTI about 10 years ago. F*cking agony to take a piss, it feels like it's too painful to get through it but obviously you have to.

Having a wank didn't even cross my mind, much respect for giving it a go.

Brass Monkey wrote:

Dello wrote:I just assumed it would clean out the old pipes and everything would go back to normal.

I was wrong. Agonisingly so.

Really? What did the pain feel like? I've never had a UTI so cannot fathom what ejaculating would do.

Well, it felt like pissing glass when pissing.

So imagine that. Times ten.

vilkrang wrote:I had a UTI about 10 years ago. F*cking agony to take a piss, it feels like it's too painful to get through it but obviously you have to.

Having a wank didn't even cross my mind, much respect for giving it a go.

It lives.

vilkrang wrote:I had a UTI about 10 years ago. F*cking agony to take a piss, it feels like it's too painful to get through it but obviously you have to.

Having a wank didn't even cross my mind, much respect for giving it a go.

We need to start a support group.

Urinary tract infection anonymous. I like it.

'The infected'

Hehe, quality stuff in the last 24.

vilkrang wrote:Urinary tract infection anonymous. I like it.

Broken Nob Patients. BNP. I've already sent out a newsletter - got a great deal of interest. Mostly skinheads.

Dello wrote:

vilkrang wrote:Urinary tract infection anonymous. I like it.

Broken Nob Patients. BNP. I've already sent out a newsletter - got a great deal of interest. Mostly skinheads.

Would they be Jewish skinheads, you know, the lot who don't wear hoodies?

I didn't ask. Mostly they wanted to talk about immigration policies.

Frankly, I found them to be timewasters who probably had perfectly happy, healthy cocks.

Dello wrote:

Antibiotics are kicking in now. I'll be fighting fit in no time.

Another brilliant f*cking prediction - I've been virtually disabled for three days, coiled up, whimpering like a gang-raped prisoner in a maximum security facility for troubled horses, while these amazing antibiotics have been kicking the living piss out of my kidneys. I've had to stop taking them. It's not worth it. It was more pleasant peeing blood. Those were the halcyon days.

But there's a lesson to be learned here: don't get a UTI infection. Get AIDS or something - one of the glamour diseases. This one's a disaster.