Re: I'm on holiday. It's raining.

by taipan Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:14

Dello wrote:
Dello wrote:

Antibiotics are kicking in now. I'll be fighting fit in no time.

Another brilliant f*cking prediction - I've been virtually disabled for three days, coiled up, whimpering like a gang-raped prisoner in a maximum security facility for troubled horses, while these amazing antibiotics have been kicking the living piss out of my kidneys. I've had to stop taking them. It's not worth it. It was more pleasant peeing blood. Those were the halcyon days.

But there's a lesson to be learned here: don't get a UTI infection. Get AIDS or something - one of the glamour diseases. This one's a disaster.

Soft qunt.

by skully Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:21

Dello wrote:
Dello wrote:

Antibiotics are kicking in now. I'll be fighting fit in no time.

Another brilliant f*cking prediction - I've been virtually disabled for three days, coiled up, whimpering like a gang-raped prisoner in a maximum security facility for troubled horses, while these amazing antibiotics have been kicking the living piss out of my kidneys. I've had to stop taking them. It's not worth it. It was more pleasant peeing blood. Those were the halcyon days.

But there's a lesson to be learned here: don't get a UTI infection. Get AIDS or something - one of the glamour diseases. This one's a disaster.

Fark me, sounds nasty, JD. Time to call in Hugh Laurie for an epiphany-based diagnosis and solution. Shocked

by Brass Monkey Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:28

You should consult your doctor. Or something. You should definitely be drinking plenty of cranberry juice, avoid sugar, eat grains and veg. Avoid salt.

by skully Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:28

Where's doctorspin when you need him?

by Brass Monkey Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:37

I've just told him what to do. I just put the weak disclaimer at the start in case I kill him.

by JKLever Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:44

Sounds nasty, bet you sh1t yerself upon peeing blood Shocked

I'd be like.... yay, thank fook I have a UTI

by lardbucket Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:57

Dello wrote:I've returned from holiday. With a 'UTI'.

Sounds like you've probably got NSU, and the clap, and kidney stones (from your gout). Serves you right.

Too soon?

by skully Mon 18 Jun 2012, 12:06

The UTI must still be giving Dello grief.

by LeFromage Mon 18 Jun 2012, 18:42

Results are in: E. Coli.

What the actual f*ck? I was joking earlier about stuffing my face with meats being the cause of my curry. E f*cking Coli. Who's had shitty fingers in my food? Disgusting bastards.

Anyways, things are on the up, the infection seemingly no longer attacking my kidneys and life generally getting back to normal. What a carry on. I don't recommend it.

by Brass Monkey Mon 18 Jun 2012, 18:56

Dello wrote:Results are in: E. Coli.

What the actual f*ck? I was joking earlier about stuffing my face with meats being the cause of my curry. E f*cking Coli. Who's had shitty fingers in my food? Disgusting bastards.

Anyways, things are on the up, the infection seemingly no longer attacking my kidneys and life generally getting back to normal. What a carry on. I don't recommend it.

Holy f*cking Jesus Dello! I mean, blimey'o'f*cker! That is mental. Well and truly mental. Well I'm glad you're still not infected.

Hey, at least you can be in one of my exclusive cliques now (apart from the badger pack)... we've both had a flesh eating virus. We're the Flesh Eating Virus Kru. Now this has got out, I'm sure many a Bailian will attempt to get salmonella by eating half-raw chicken.

by JKLever Mon 18 Jun 2012, 18:56

E Coli eh?

Glandular fever and Measles not good enough for you?

by LeFromage Mon 18 Jun 2012, 18:59

JKLever wrote:E Coli eh?

Glandular fever and Measles not good enough for you?

I wasn't really aiming for anything. Quite happy with a bout of the sniffles.

by LeFromage Mon 18 Jun 2012, 19:04

Brass Monkey wrote:
Dello wrote:Results are in: E. Coli.

What the actual f*ck? I was joking earlier about stuffing my face with meats being the cause of my curry. E f*cking Coli. Who's had shitty fingers in my food? Disgusting bastards.

Anyways, things are on the up, the infection seemingly no longer attacking my kidneys and life generally getting back to normal. What a carry on. I don't recommend it.

Holy f*cking Jesus Dello! I mean, blimey'o'f*cker! That is mental. Well and truly mental. Well I'm glad you're still not infected.

Hey, at least you can be in one of my exclusive cliques now (apart from the badger pack)... we've both had a flesh eating virus. We're the Flesh Eating Virus Kru. Now this has got out, I'm sure many a Bailian will attempt to get salmonella by eating half-raw chicken.

Wait... flesh eating? No one warned me about that. Maybe they didn't think I could handle the truth. I usually can't.

Must've been the barbecue a few weeks back. Undercooked meat. Got to be.

I knew no good could come from eating meat. I knew.

by taipan Mon 18 Jun 2012, 19:08

Dello wrote:Results are in: E. Coli.

What the actual f*ck? I was joking earlier about stuffing my face with meats being the cause of my curry. E f*cking Coli. Who's had shitty fingers in my food? Disgusting bastards.

Anyways, things are on the up, the infection seemingly no longer attacking my kidneys and life generally getting back to normal. What a carry on. I don't recommend it.

Yep, a bit dated now.

by Brass Monkey Mon 18 Jun 2012, 21:18

Dello wrote:
Wait... flesh eating? No one warned me about that. Maybe they didn't think I could handle the truth. I usually can't.

Must've been the barbecue a few weeks back. Undercooked meat. Got to be.

I knew no good could come from eating meat. I knew.

Hmmmm, I must have it wrong if you weren't informed of this.

What it must be is that you haven't built up a steady 'meat wall' in your intestines. You needed this little bout to reiterate the need to have meat inserted into you on a regular basis.

by skully Mon 18 Jun 2012, 21:26

Dello wrote:Results are in: E. Coli.

What the actual f*ck? I was joking earlier about stuffing my face with meats being the cause of my curry. E f*cking Coli. Who's had shitty fingers in my food? Disgusting bastards.

Anyways, things are on the up, the infection seemingly no longer attacking my kidneys and life generally getting back to normal. What a carry on. I don't recommend it.

Lordy. [images of a swarthy sweaty take away dude wiping his arse with Dello's hamburger bun] Shocked

by lardbucket Mon 18 Jun 2012, 23:10

Dello, the E coli probably got in through your urethra. I knew you liked burgers, but I didn't know you liked them that much.

I suppose the clue is there though. 'E f*cking coli'. Honestly, you shouldn't.

by LeFromage Tue 19 Jun 2012, 08:46

It did not get in through my John Thomas. How could it have? I gave up f*cking clumps of shit years ago.

Undercooked beef at a dodgy Jubilee BBQ is the most likely culprit, I'd have thought.

by taipan Tue 19 Jun 2012, 08:53

Dello wrote:It did not get in through my John Thomas. How could it have? I gave up f*cking clumps of shit years ago.

Undercooked beef at a dodgy Jubilee BBQ is the most likely culprit, I'd have thought.

So it's Liz's fault.

by skully Tue 19 Jun 2012, 08:54

So made it's way through your intestines, through your liver, kidneys and bladder, then snagged on a lumpy bit on the inside of your willy as you were having a pee. Tenacious beasties. Shocked

In fact, I know they are. My late father got a nasty hip joint infection which also turned out to be at the hands of E.Coli. His doctor was perplexed.

by Big Dog Tue 19 Jun 2012, 08:55

Dello wrote:It did not get in through my John Thomas. How could it have? I gave up f*cking clumps of shit years ago.

Undercooked beef at a dodgy Jubilee BBQ is the most likely culprit, I'd have thought.

Send the Beefeaters to the Tower.....oh wait...

by taipan Tue 19 Jun 2012, 08:57

JKLever wrote:E Coli eh?

Glandular fever and Measles not good enough for you?

Wasn't there also a hernia?

by LeFromage Tue 19 Jun 2012, 08:58

skully wrote:So made it's way through your intestines, through your liver, kidneys and bladder, then snagged on a lumpy bit on the inside of your willy as you were having a pee. Tenacious beasties.

In fact, I know they are. My late father got a nasty hip joint infection which also turned out to be at the hands of E.Coli. His doctor was perplexed.

Eesh - I'd rather not think about the journey. Or the destination.

In fact, I'm repressing the whole sorry incident as of now. Didn't happen. What burning piss?

by LeFromage Tue 19 Jun 2012, 08:59

taipan wrote:
JKLever wrote:E Coli eh?

Glandular fever and Measles not good enough for you?

Wasn't there also a hernia?

Turned out not to be a hernia. It was a hypochondria.

by taipan Tue 19 Jun 2012, 09:00

Dello wrote:
taipan wrote:
JKLever wrote:E Coli eh?

Glandular fever and Measles not good enough for you?

Wasn't there also a hernia?

Turned out not to be a hernia. It was a hypochondria.

HTF can you get a hernia wrong?

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