jade johann sebastian dern bach's good qualities

1. He is not Ben Stokes or Ben Stokes's mother.

2. He's a tranny.

Without exaggeration he's not really worth a place in the Surrey side let alone England. He actually goes at more runs per over in domestic 20/20s than in the international stuff and in domestic list A he goes at more than 6 an over. I'm guessing the rationale is that there's raw material there in his swinging pace and array of slower balls which if properly harnessed could be world beating...

My theory is that he's one of those short format specialists who's just not suited to short format cricket. He's a remarkably steady bowler in first class cricket and without doing a ball by ball analysis I would suggest this is because he doesn't feel he has to bowl so many variations and y'know can just bowl normally like. Limit the overs and he feels he has to turn into a very unconventional variations bowler which throws off his radar and poisons his very essence as a bowler.

England are seduced by his slower ball. Much as they were once by Alex Loudon's "doosra" (that wasn't really a doosra, but then again he wasn't really a bowler. Or a batsman). All other attributes - and simple basics like talent - get disregarded in selection meetings once England sign up to a fad.

But as this thread is about Dernbach's positive qualities: as a role model for not getting tattoos because they make you look like a child who has drawn on themselves in magic marker, he's one of the best.

He keeps the Surrey tradition of ridiculous strutting c*ck dandies going.

He makes you realise that it's not that big a tragedy that many cricketers have to use Advanced Hair Restore.

I saw him get Strauss out in a 20/20 once with a dirty full toss which on reflection was a masterful slower ball. That was good.

In a tight run chase last season against Middlesex, with two runs needed he slogged an easy catch to cover to lose the game. That was less good.

Surrey chat, lovely Surrey chat...

3. He brings EAE out of long-lamented hibernation!

he made me realise that Bung, Midge the 1st and Lady Di are not the only over rated quicks to have played recently

....and that maybe the English forummers will finally come to appreciate that the belfard is not all that bad (albeit there is some debate about whether comparisons are odious)