England's Ashes 2013 numbers

Batting

Ian Bell: 562 runs @ 62.44, 3x100, 2x50.

Became the Warrior Belf just in the nick of time as the rest of the batting had a collective Malteser failure. Carried the side on his tiny, child shoulders. 9

Chris Woakes: 42 runs @ 42.

Quite reasonable in defence and a few good strokes. Hard to believe he could ever be considered one of the top six batsmen in England, though. Something to work with - with the bat at any rate. n/a

Kevin Pietersen: 388 runs @ 38.80, 1x100, 3x50.

Looked pretty out of sorts for much of the series, although he came up with a restrained hundred at Old Trafford. Reminded us today at the Oval that he can still wreck an attack when he's on the march. But are memorable cameos the limit of his capabilities these days? 6

Joe Root: 339 runs @ 37.66. 1x100, 1x50.

Hasn't nailed down the opener's spot at all, in spite of a big hundred and a decent fifty at the Oval. Needs to develop his front foot play markedly. But he was all right. Give him another go. 5

Jonathan Trott: 293 runs @ 29.30, 0x100, 2x50

Poor series overall. Seemed to be in quite decent touch, but he was as sloppy as anything outside off stump and had a number of technical deficiencies exposed by Australia, to which he had little answer. 4

Jonny Bairstow: 203 runs @ 29.00, 0x100, 1x50

Not up to the task of being a specialist Test batsman at the moment. Jittery and pokey. No thanks. 3

Alastair Cook: 277 runs @ 27.70, 0x100, 3x50

England's worst specialist batsman statistically. That's some nice leading by example, skipper. Let's not talk about his captaincy... 3

Tim Bresnan: 103 runs @ 25.75, 0x100, 0x50

Steady. Chipped in. Does what it says on the tinpot. 5

Stuart Broad: 179 runs @ 25.57. 0x100, 1x50

Don't know when he became so appalling against the short ball, but he rode his luck (and the luck of a few people) to make a couple of welcome contributions. Has learned to walk. 5

Graeme Swann: 126 runs @ 25.20, 0x100, 0x50.

Smashed a few. Edged a few. Wore a few. About par for the Swanny course. 6

Matt Prior: 133 runs @ 19.00, 0x100, 0x50

Had a stinker. No other way to dress it up. Johnny Bairstow might've actually been a better option behind the stumps this series. It was that bad. 2

Jimmy Anderson, Steven Finn, random SLA plucked from the nearest village green: not picked for their runs. I hope.

Bowling

Joe Root: 3 wickets @ 11.33

Weirdly under bowled for most of the series. Appears to be a handy little tweaker. Got the ball rolling in the second innings at Lord's with the wickets of the well set Khawaja and Clarke. Hardly seen since. 7

Stuart Broad: 22 wickets @ 27.45

What to make of Broad? For three and a half Tests he was pretty insipid. Then he pulls a wonder session out of his arse and wins England the series. And then he goes back to being crap again. Although he did okay in the second innings at the Oval. Maybe one day he'll realise that if he runs in as hard as he did at Durham and bowls with the same control and menace every time he pulls on an England shirt, he'll actually be as good a bowler as he thinks he is. 7

Jonathan Trott: 1 wicket @ 28.00

Let's all laugh at Brad Haddin. 6

Graeme Swann: 26 wickets @ 29.03

I never felt he was quite at the peak of his powers, but you can't really argue with two five fors and being the leading wicket taker in the series on both sides. Still think Nathan Lyon outbowled him only to end up with thoroughly unjust figures. 8

James Anderson: 22 wickets @ 29.59

One amazing game. A huge effort to bring home the first Test almost single handedly. Then he just sort of trod water for the rest of the series. Was much better in Australia 10/11. 7

Tim Bresnan: 10 wickets @ 29.60

Steady. Chipped in. You know the drill. 6

Steven Finn: 2 wickets @ 58.50

Lost his way a bit. Australia identified him as the weak link in the first Test and smacked him about with distain. Deservedly dropped. 1

Chris Woakes: 1 wicket @ 96.00

Nowhere near being a good enough bowler to play as a third seamer. Straight up and down, with one floaty half-volley or dobbed long hop served up per over. 1

Simon Kerrignan: n/a.

n/a. n/a

Pietersen looked out of form most of the series but still churned out respectable numbers. I guess that's the difference between his out of form and Cook's - Pietersen has never really had a slump in his whole career. Trott's been the real bad one for me, he's been poor for a while in Tests and I'm not sure he's got a great deal left in the tank.

Trott hasn't actually looked out of form though, he's just found ways of getting out after getting a start. I won't be surprised if a real big one's just around the corner for him.

beamer wrote:Trott hasn't actually looked out of form though, he's just found ways of getting out after getting a start. I won't be surprised if a real big one's just around the corner for him.

All future opponents will have a man stationed just around that corner for Trott.

How many wickets did England give up "strangled" down the legside in this series? It was an epidemic.

Trott deserves a 5 for being on an upward gradient.

And a 2.5 for Woakes and a 2 for Finn bowling. Have a heart. There has been more abject than this. THis is ENGLAND ffs.

Of all the England players, only Ian Bell ENHANCED his reputation during this series. The rest either did what we all thought/expected they would do, or went backwards.

The batting is the biggest concern. They've completely forgotten how to play really big innings like they did in 2010-11. Also, the bowling relies entirely on three men- Anderson, Broad, and Swann. The back up is miles behind them. A couple of injuries to two of those three and England could be laid bare.

One word reviews:

Cook - poor.
Root - unproven.
Trott - disappointing.
KP - sporadic.
Bell - magnificent.
Bairstow - unsuited.
Prior - diabolical.
Broad - frustrating.
Swann - flattered.
Anderson - spent.
Bresnan - OK.
Finn - lemon.
Woakes - mediocre.
Kerrigan - poorlittlegremlin.

PeterCS wrote:Trott deserves a 5 for being on an upward gradient.

And a 2.5 for Woakes and a 2 for Finn bowling. Have a heart. There has been more abject than this. THis is ENGLAND ffs.

Yeah, Finn at least deserves 2 for the 2 wickets with consecutive balls that turned the first day at Trent Bridge - even if the wheels came off later and he almost lost it for us on the final day.

Come on Jay,don't leave a job half done...

The ones Dello couldn't be bothered to do

James Anderson: 36 runs @ 7.20, 0x100, 0x50

His batting has regressed ever since he adopted the strange chest-on stance, presumably an attempt to change from the Burnley Lara to the Burnley Chanderpaul. A quickfire 16 at Durham the only highlight. 1

Steven Finn: 2 runs @ 2.00, 0x100, 0x50

Two runs and two wickets in the series for Finn. SO he gets a rating of...2

Steve Kerrigan: 1 run @ infinity, 0x100, 0x50

Can't bat and looks a bit odd in the field. Maybe dreams of becoming the next Monty. 5

Steve Kerrigan 0 wickets @ 53

The worst England bowling debut ever? I've not seen much of him in County Cricket, but presumably he's got more about him than the no run up, non-spinning lobs we saw here. A sever case of stage fright I guess. 0

So bad you can't even remember his first name? Aggers did the same (though with James rather than Steve) in one of his reports...

Kerrigan was so bad that people can't even be bothered getting his name right.

So bad they named him... three times?

At least they got the initial right.

beamer wrote:So bad you can't even remember his first name? Aggers did the same (though with James rather than Steve) in one of his reports...

Hopefully i'll forget his second name too soon.

Yeah, I doubt Steve Corrigan will be picked again anytime soon.

Joe Corrigan. Never rated him as a keeper, put in a shit performance again at the Oval.

Or did you mean Alan Partridge? Self-regarding, smug, not-half-as-clever-as-he-thinks-he-is bastard. And his creation Simon Coogan is not much better.

PeterCS wrote:Joe Corrigan. Never rated him as a keeper, put in a shit performance again at the Oval.

Or did you mean Alan Partridge? Self-regarding, smug, not-half-as-clever-as-he-thinks-he-is bastard. And his creation Simon Coogan is not much better.

Joe 90 wasn't much of cricketer either. Kept sitting in this machine patented by Ted Dexter that went ' wooo, wooo, wooo,' with the idea that it would turn him into a test match batsman. Well, if it didn't work for John Stephenson, it sure as hell wasn't going to work for a ten year old.