English Domestic Season (2014)

Well, it's my favourite Chivalry. Glad to see you, you little minx.

I'm not sure what's wrong with you though, Ebola is funny as f*ck. My fellow Northamptonians laugh their f*cking heads off about Ebola. Unless it's Doug Ebolalinger, we hate him.

Ebola's all fun and games as long as it's not happening in your house and in the general region of your orifices - known and unknown. This Sierra Leone, Liberia outbreak has to be a worry, though. It (Ebola) has no cure or vaccine, and the more it spreads, the greater the chance of it mutating into something of pandemic potential. I'm only in favour of pandemics that culminate in the zombie apocalypse. Not a messy pandemic that involves too many bodily fluids (none of the good ones).

So we're agreed: it's hilarious, but we must find a vaccine, or at least mutate the virus into your more zombie-ish? Sort of Morecambe and Curie combination.

I'm all for a super zombified Ebola virus that manifests in the short-term as your atypical zombieism, but ultimately culminates in liquefied organs and bleeding orifices. Sort of like zombieism with a half-life - you've got to go out there and get your zombie on before you expire. I have to say I've watched a lot of zombie films and I'm surprised that the following types of zombie haven't yet been observed:

- Zombie rapists. Zombies have needs to, you know.
- Comedy zombies. You know, people who have been zombified in wheelchairs, or who have brittle bones. They just kind of crawl and lope about and generally contribute nothing. You know, Alastair Cook starring as useless zombie number 1. Kind of a light-hearted lull in the middle of a film when the heroes + the token black guy take refuge in the special needs part of the hospital.
- Swimmer zombies. With jaws music. I want to see a zombie dig its gnashers into one of our heroes as they swim away, painting the rivers red. Or else a team of swimmer zombies closing in on our heroes like a gang of ravenous piranhas. Leading to them being chewed to bits gruesomely. Followed by a great white shark emerging and eating a load of zombies. Leading to a zombified great white shark! Which eventually dies of Ebola! Bring it.

If I have missed out on these guys when they have in fact occurred, I plead ignorance.

You never see tranny zombies either, which shows how brutally archaic film directors still are.

Wozzie Hogan is doing well for the Glam Welsh.

Brass Monkey wrote:You never see tranny zombies either, which shows how brutally archaic film directors still are.

They have black zombies, ffs. What are you asking for here, a revolution? I just don't think you appreciate the fine art of sitting down and jacking off to a good zombie flick. Or standing up and jacking off to a good zombie flick. Or auto-erotically asphyxiating yourself while jacking off to a good zombie flick. Must be a Northants thing.

Do zombies indulge in AEA?

reminiscent of ...

Do androids dream of electric sheep?

I don't know. Are 'Friends' electric?

Meanwhile, back on topic ...

TGWBD (The Guy Who Blanked Danny) is enjoying a form resurge back at OT. Mowing down the home batting like an early harvest festival. Not that that's a gurner. The Lancs 'batting' has been a crop circle waiting to happen, all season.

PeterCS wrote:Meanwhile, back on topic ...

TGWBD (The Guy Who Blanked Danny) is enjoying a form resurge back at OT. Mowing down the home batting like an early harvest festival. Not that that's a gurner. The Lancs 'batting' has been a crop circle waiting to happen, all season.

Meh. The early morning dew has gone and the STBs are now getting canned all over the shop. After the thrashing Lancs gave us in the T20s, I've officially stopped giving even the slightest bibble. They are a bunch of ramshackle weaklings who managed to put half a season together with some massive help from Trent Copeland. They can go and f*ck themselves, royally. Their season is an absolute write off, as is any season after that. Sack of shit. Oh and I see that, whilst David Willey is back bowling, he's dobbing it down at 75-78mph. So he's done for too. Wicked.

Mind you, all six toss winners batted, and only the Browncaps haven't had a bit of a struggle on in the first session (thanks mainly to Amla).

Kent are only 2 down too, I suppose. But that's against the baggy greens.

And Stoneman and Stokes have got a bit of a shift on for Durham, the average 3 wickets down though they are.

Willey probably has to ease his way back into the rewarding channel.

Nah, he had half a season of swift bowling, in amongst the dobbery mire. He's reverting to type and his type is 'hittable'.

Not as clubbable as your twin spin kings, today at least.     

Spriegel has been helping them out plying his offies before the new ball - Croft (against wont and expectation) and Prince have put together a triple-ton partnership after 33-3.

Maybe Willey and Azharullah can make a breakthrough with the new cherry.

Notts pissing on Somerset, almost overhauled their 168 (of which Tresco made 87) without losing a wicket.

PeterCS wrote:Not as clubbable as your twin spin kings, today at least.     

Spriegel has been helping them out plying his offies before the new ball - Croft (against wont and expectation) and Prince have put together a triple-ton partnership after 33-3.

Maybe Willey and Azharullah can make a breakthrough with the new cherry.

WGAFF. I'm done with the qunts. They can inept their way to whatever 'hilariously' shit performance they like.

First FC century for Belf Mk II at Canterbury.

First County Championship century. He has two FC tons against the Unis. Yeah, he got Trevved a couple of years back and has been teetering like a rotten Jenga structure ever since...

I see that he's got a 101, a 102 and a 103 as his first three tons. I bet that's never happened before. I bet.

Chris Tremlett closing in on a century for Slurry.

woofed him

God, has there ever been a worse Division One team than Northamptonshire 2014? Ashwell Prince's 252* has only boosted his average into the 40s, for goodness sake. In other more interesting and better news, Riki Wessels surprising Bradman-esque form has propelled the MightyZ towards a position of even greater strength after a flurry of wickets in the morning session. Nottinghamshire are actually looking like an alright batting side for once. I guess Paul Johnson really was a sh*te batting coach.

Cheers to Ashwell Prince on his swansong FC HS of 257*.

With the possible exception of Dizzy's lark of a double ton v Banglas, any score of that size is meritorious for its sheer tenacity and concentration.

Chapple finally calls them in on 650.

And Northamptonshire are already 2 down with 1 run on the board. Against the 2nd worst team in the division. Somebody relegate them NOW.

Chivalry Augustus II wrote:And Northamptonshire are already 2 down with 1 run on the board. Against the 2nd worst team in the division. Somebody relegate them NOW.

Yeah, I really think that every other game against us should be cancelled and declared a no contest. Absolutely f*cking dire.