West Indies v England, 1st Test, Antigua, 13-17 April 2015

Some proper cricket, of sorts. It's come round quickly... first of I think 17 Tests in 9 months for England!

Jimmy Anderson's 100th Test, and a chance for him to overtake Botham's Test wickets record.

Poor Jimmsy Wimmsy reckons he hasn't been the samesy wamesy since the Jadeja incident. Reckons he needs to act like a massive twat to bowl well. Reckons he can blame that on his shit WC... Someone should've pulled out his ODI stats away from home for the last three years... Told him that he's actually just shithouse and that he should chuck his little violin away. Don't worry though folks, reckons he's going to start acting like a twat again. Yippee

Well, I suppose they need to "twat up" to compete with the Aussies so might as well get in training here. Just make sure it's aimed at the opposition and not just turf-kicking and swearing at your own fielders...

Meh. You're never going to win that battle. Best to act like well adjusted, normal human beings

Well, it got us nowhere a couple of years ago... it's not nice that it has to be that way, but it's how Australia win, if you don't take them on in that department you've lost before a ball is bowled.

Our players think petulance and turning on each other is a suitable substitute for effective quntitude aimed at the opponents though. Jimmy's mistake against India was (allegedly) landing the physical blow rather than inciting an opponent to do so.

Well, I'd still put Jimmy's dip down to conditions, not lack of twattish behaviour. He's likely to have some more favourable conditions this summer, so no doubt that'll help him channel his inner twat

Yeah, no excuses for just bowling shit. He shouldn't play another JAMODI or JAMITT anyway, so if he can put all his energy into the red ball he could still target 500 wickets.

Yeah he should have retired after the WC. He's not going to get in the T20 squad, too old for the 2019 WC

Have they picked the squad for the one-day stuff on this tour (if there is any?)

No news about the ODI squad, depending on whether Choccy is still the boy, there could be big changes. Anyone outside the set up wouldn't pick the likes of Anderson and Bell.

I hope we lose. I hate us at the minute. There's not one player I like. There's not even a loveable rogue. The whole team is made up of thoroughly unlikeable straight-edge modern type not-quite blokey but still fairly blokey blokes. Why can't they all decide that cricket isn't their calling in life so we can start again with a team led by Brad Pitt playing that guy he played in Moneyball?

This series doesn't deserve Test status. Seriously. West Indies B vs England Cs.

That's c*nts.

I don't mind Moeen. Buttler is ok, in that Time Nice But Dim sort of way.

Tell you who did my head in the other day though - Finn. The man is saying that my eyes deceived me when I used to see him regularly clock 5 mph quicker in his bowling spells.

He actually said I was lying. To myself!

Fock off Steve. I do NOT lie to myself.

YOU'RE the one who's lying, you brash Haircut 300 tosser. Whimper back to Middx you dobbing, sprayward ponce

Brass Monkey wrote:Poor Jimmsy Wimmsy reckons he hasn't been the samesy wamesy since the Jadeja incident. Reckons he needs to act like a massive twat to bowl well. Reckons he can blame that on his shit WC... Someone should've pulled out his ODI stats away from home for the last three years... Told him that he's actually just shithouse and that he should chuck his little violin away. Don't worry though folks, reckons he's going to start acting like a twat again. Yippee

He bowled better once he stopped being a knob.

Brass Monkey wrote:I don't mind Moeen. Buttler is ok, in that Time Nice But Dim sort of way.

Tell you who did my head in the other day though - Finn. The man is saying that my eyes deceived me when I used to see him regularly clock 5 mph quicker in his bowling spells.

He actually said I was lying. To myself!

Fock off Steve. I do NOT lie to myself.

YOU'RE the one who's lying, you brash Haircut 300 tosser. Whimper back to Middx you dobbing, sprayward ponce

5mph? Try 10mph quicker.

Call me a liar, Steven, I dare you. If you get your larynx, tongue and mouth to coordinate without crashing into the stumps.

Poms are funny. So you'd really prefer your players to be ace gentlemen and losers, than play hard and twatish, and be winners? Tony Greig will be turning in his grave & Ray Illingworth will be rolling his eyes.

Mr S and English colleagues

the differences between the performances of the poms and Oz are not down to the quality of the verbal or general ill mannered behaviour ...lets face it. Taipsheads like Clotto and Haddit are not the difference

England has less talent, is poorly led and is poorly coached

horace wrote:
the differences between the performances of the poms and Oz are not down to the quality of the verbal or general ill mannered behaviour ...lets face it.

Exactly.

oh well....I hope this First Test is good'n

Seriously - is it likely to be? Dud pitches, an exceptionally boring England team, gash Windies team? Complete non event that'll help chip away at the primacy of Test cricket. The only reason I'll watch is because it's 'Test cricket'

Unfortch it's on late/early here in Aus. Doubt I'll see much live.

Dello wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:I don't mind Moeen. Buttler is ok, in that Time Nice But Dim sort of way.

Tell you who did my head in the other day though - Finn. The man is saying that my eyes deceived me when I used to see him regularly clock 5 mph quicker in his bowling spells.

He actually said I was lying. To myself!

Fock off Steve. I do NOT lie to myself.

YOU'RE the one who's lying, you brash Haircut 300 tosser. Whimper back to Middx you dobbing, sprayward ponce

5mph? Try 10mph quicker.

Call me a liar, Steven, I dare you. If you get your larynx, tongue and mouth to coordinate without crashing into the stumps.

Who 'negged' that? Fool. I can only assume that they aimed for the plus button, but had Finn's aim.

I negged it. I was Bailsing on my phone and it's shit, so mistakenly voted (I didn't even mean to pos).

BUT, given that bails is so shite on a phone MAYBE Dello deserves a neg. Huh? HUH???

BM's phone seems as erratic as Finn himself.

lardbucket wrote:

Dello wrote:

Brass Monkey wrote:I don't mind Moeen. Buttler is ok, in that Time Nice But Dim sort of way.

Tell you who did my head in the other day though - Finn. The man is saying that my eyes deceived me when I used to see him regularly clock 5 mph quicker in his bowling spells.

He actually said I was lying. To myself!

Fock off Steve. I do NOT lie to myself.

YOU'RE the one who's lying, you brash Haircut 300 tosser. Whimper back to Middx you dobbing, sprayward ponce

5mph? Try 10mph quicker.

Call me a liar, Steven, I dare you. If you get your larynx, tongue and mouth to coordinate without crashing into the stumps.

Who 'negged' that? Fool. I can only assume that they aimed for the plus button, but had Finn's aim.

A wee bit o' gold, right there.