Re: New Zealand v England, 1st Test, Auckland, 22-26 March, 2018

by horace Thu 22 Mar 2018, 05:00

btw, where is Mudge?

by horace Thu 22 Mar 2018, 05:03

Sheep four ahead with nine wickets in hand.

by skully Thu 22 Mar 2018, 05:05

horace wrote:
skully wrote:Dare I say it, I almost feel sorry for my English comrades waking up to this debacle.

It reminds me of my trip to London in Aug 2015 to set up the youngest sprog. As we walked down a London CBD street in the early arvo to pick up some documents, I asked her to get a score from the Trent Bridge Test (1st morning of 4th Test). She said "Australia 9-59", and I said "Nah, you're misreading that".

She wasn't!!!

Geebers Skullywag. Your adherence to MM'ery has stuffed you completely. The pom first innings is to be celebrated, irrespective of the eventual result. The last time the Pomgolian Empah empathised with anyone else was when Churchill tacitly supported Japan in ww2.

Oi h, I said "almost".

Settle down, old cock. Cool

by horace Thu 22 Mar 2018, 05:20

Fairy nuff young Wag. The nursing home is agog. Resies with different French, Greek,, Bannie, Chinese, Burmese, Irish, Scotties, Welsh, Nigerian, Kenyan backgrounds are hoarse from cheering as every wicket fell. The one Aboriginal woman has rounded us up to burn the flag of St George.

Of course I am playing no part in these ott celebrations.

by horace Thu 22 Mar 2018, 05:25

I see the Fruit hasn't tossed the ball to the Pig yet.

by lardbucket Thu 22 Mar 2018, 07:11

This scorecard was a surprise.

We could yet see a mirror image for Australia tonight, or worse, so there is no schadenfreude here.

And skully ... if you think it was bad reading the Trent Bridge 2015 scorecard on your phone, imagine what it was like at the ground, surrounded by gloating merlins, even if I was receiving allegedly sympathetic texts from Danny.

by Red Thu 22 Mar 2018, 07:22

Bad day at the office for England.

Would suggest they're continuing their bad form downunder.

by Big Dog Thu 22 Mar 2018, 07:22

Being New Zealand, i guess there is always the chance of rain to save England but its starting to look rather ugly for them.

by beamer Thu 22 Mar 2018, 07:40

I think the conclusion from recent weeks might be that Aussie coaches in charge of England teams have a limited shelf life.

Root might be making a sensible call in returning to the ranks as well - question is though, who would replace him? We’d be in “pick a specialist captain from county cricket” territory.

by skully Thu 22 Mar 2018, 07:54

lardbucket wrote:And skully ... if you think it was bad reading the Trent Bridge 2015 scorecard on your phone, imagine what it was like at the ground, surrounded by gloating merlins, even if I was receiving allegedly sympathetic texts from Danny.

That sounds pretty heinous!! Shocked

by Red Thu 22 Mar 2018, 08:04

100 lead up for the kiwis.

by skully Thu 22 Mar 2018, 08:09

With 7 wickets in hand. Grim for Blighty!!

by MoH Thu 22 Mar 2018, 08:50

I suppose this is the kind of thing that happens when instead of playing two proper warm up matches you decide to have fours days of glorified practice in preparation for a Test match.

by embee Thu 22 Mar 2018, 10:38

33 run lead for Kane Williamson ...if the poms get him early tomorrow they may avoid losing by an innings to him

by Growler Thu 22 Mar 2018, 14:53

Does anyone else think Jimmy Anderson deserves better than this?

Of 20 overs bowled by NZ, he at 11, and Overton at 9 faced 6 of them, scoring just shy of a run a ball. The openers managed 16 runs off 7 overs, and the other alleged batsmen mustered five ducks and seven runs from just shy of 8 overs.

Abject, just abject. Boult and Southee are good bowlers, without question - but they ain't Walsh and Ambrose (as I recall the 46 we scored in 1994).

It must break his heart to flog his guts out, only to see the top order squander his effort match after match, one series after another. Were he not within 40 wickets of the great Glenn McGrath, he'd surely be tempted to call it a day and completely dis-associate himself from the rabble.

What's the solution to the problems facing English Test cricket?

I know - how about another worthless T20 thrash in mid-summer and marginalise 4-day cricket even more than it is already.

by PeterCS Thu 22 Mar 2018, 15:19

Cricket Bulletin (Unofficial Test)

Easter Island, 2 August 2018, local time: 16.12

Things have not gone quite as expected for England on the first day of their very hastily-arranged unofficial Test match here in Hanga Roa.

Rapa Nui have scored 239-2 at tea.

England celebrated an early success, and did so wildly, when Anderson was able to claim an LBW (on DRS review) against one of the local Moai (stone heads), co-opted into the local team to make up the numbers.

But things went slightly downhill after that, with the other Moai - named Tapu for the match - going on to chalk up an unbeaten century against haplessly erratic bowling and fielding by the visitors.

He has notched up a series of boundaries - mostly deflections off his forehead, but shortly before tea launched a couple of massive sixes.

To their immense relief, England claimed another local scalp just before tea when Manu Kava-Kava, a local lad who had never before played the game, before was given out hit wicket after he doubled up in laughter at the quality of the Europeans' fielding and dislodged a bail. He had made 69.

Stuart Broad raced triumphantly round the perimeter of the ground, arms aloft, before being wrestled to earth by the two irate local spectators.

"It is not quite going to plan so far", England head coach Trevor Bayliss candidly admitted to me in a mini-interview just now. He appeared to be gritting his teeth, but he may have just been sampling a local herbal product, or else feeling the effects of wood alcohol. "But we are showing definite signs of improvement after PNG, Fiji and Samoa", he added chirpily.

"Yes, the lads are on a learning curve, and we are well on the way", captain Joe Root chipped in.

It will be remembered that the England "set-up" quickly set up one unofficial Test after another, following their sobering experiences in Australia and New Zealand over the past half-year. After drubbings in Papua New Guinea and Fiji, England salvaged a draw with nine wickets down in Apia a week (or was it a month?) ago.

When asked if the squad and their bloated retinue had any plans to return to England any time this decade, Bayliss issued a stout expletive, which I shall not repeat here.

Perhaps England's fortunes will turn in the last session of the day, which is just about to begin.

LATEST: Hotu Kava-Kava has hit Jade Dernbach's first delivery after tea into the sea.

Perhaps England should follow the ball.

LATEST SCORECARD:

Rapa Nui - First Innings

"Makemake" Moai - LBW b Anderson 3
"Tapu" Moai - not out 115
Manu Kava Kava - hit wicket b Broad 69
Hotu Kava-Kava - not out 10

Extras: 52

249 for 2 wickets

England bowling figures have been withheld.

by lardbucket Thu 22 Mar 2018, 18:13

The Barmy Army are still singing ‘Oh Jimmeh Jimmeh’ drunkenly as I type this update. Meanwhile Mark Stoneman is checking his family tree for any signs of Easter Island heritage. Simon Kerrigan has been drafted in as a replacement for Moeen Ali, disappointing spin coach Ashley Giles who confessed to this writer that he had been raring for a crack at the Galapagosians in next weekend’s Test. against the fast-improving tortoises and iguanas.

by embee Thu 22 Mar 2018, 22:55

Cricket Australia happilly put up a video of all ten pom wickets

I did laugh with all the batsmen getting bowled through the gate that Jonny timidly chipped one back to the bowler

by skully Thu 22 Mar 2018, 23:30

PeterCS wrote:LATEST SCORECARD:

Rapa Nui - First Innings

"Makemake" Moai - LBW b Anderson 3
"Tapu" Moai - not out 115
Manu Kava Kava - hit wicket b Broad 69
Hotu Kava-Kava - not out 10

Extras: 52

249 for 2 wickets

England bowling figures have been withheld.[/i]

Quality stuff, Peter. Did you write this? Very Happy

Kava Kava- any relation to Gary "Lava Lava" taccy?

by PeterCS Fri 23 Mar 2018, 00:56

Yes, I'll own up to it. It was a sort of writing therapy.

Kava-Kava. Well, my elementary reading around the topic brought the term up twice: once as the sedative social drink (sometimes a single "kava"), from an extract of a mystical black pepper plant apparently common to many Pacific islands, and the other as this:

https://collections.artsmia.org/art/1926/moai-kavakava-rapa-nui

It also sounded suitably Polynesian. And like someone laughing at England's attempts. So brothers it was.

by PeterCS Fri 23 Mar 2018, 00:57

PS: Kava(-kava), the drink of choice:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/expat/expatnews/6700470/Kava-the-drink-of-choice-in-laid-back-Pacific.html

by skully Fri 23 Mar 2018, 01:43

Well done, Peter. aces

Meanwhile, Williamson brings up a quality ton.

I have some trivia ready regarding players scoring more than the opposition by the end of Day 1 of a Test.

by horace Fri 23 Mar 2018, 02:01

Great post from master baker - Chef Pete.

by JGK Fri 23 Mar 2018, 02:02

skully wrote:Well done, Peter.

Meanwhile, Williamson brings up a quality ton.

I have some trivia ready regarding players scoring more than the opposition by the end of Day 1 of a Test.

Boxing Day 2010?

by skully Fri 23 Mar 2018, 02:16

Nah, Aus made 98, and at Stumps Day 1 Strauss was 64* and Cook 80*.

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