This England Team is Rubbish

skully wrote:I'm really looking forward to seeing Steyn bowl against the English. I have only seen him recently in highlights and a little bit of live stuff in the IPL. The first time I saw him was when KP and Strauss made mincemeat of him in Saffieland 3 or 4 years ago, but it sounds like he's come on a lot since then.

skully wrote:Really? Hadn't seen the scores.

Fark me, Swampy the Younger has had a stellar time on the FTs. Given that he's pretty shoite in Shield Cricket, that must make him a classic FTB, no?

horace wrote:heard a small section of a Vaughan presser where he expressed great confidence of winning the ashes...talked about the great depth of English cricket and that Monty would be their ace...


this puts him up with buckeroo and Red as a comic genius

Dello wrote:You might get your wish, Augustus: "Vaughan in positive mood"

Test captain Michael Vaughan has called upon England to re-discover their aggressive batting ahead of the npower series against New Zealand.

Although positive strokeplay was a feature of the team’s halcyon period of 2004-05, which culminated in Ashes success, recent displays have proved something a contrast.

Runs have tended to be ground rather than belted out, with results over the past 12 months affecting team confidence.

But Vaughan hopes that will now change, beginning with the Lord’s campaign opener, which begins on Thursday.

“If you look at the last year, we have only beaten West Indies and New Zealand away,” Vaughan said.

“We have been under a lot of pressure and maybe that was one of the reasons we were not playing as fluently as a batting unit.

“Now we have won a series away from home, we should go on and play in the more positive, fluent way we are used to.

“We are all strokeplayers, who get good bases and bat long periods of time when we are playing well. We do have that attacking instinct right through the order.”

http://www.ecb.co.uk/england/npower-tests/vaughan-in-positive-mood,17417,EN.html

So, expect a massive batting collapse punctuated by appalling strokes and wild thrashing any day now...

horace wrote:heard a small section of a Vaughan presser where he expressed great confidence of winning the ashes...talked about the great depth of English cricket and that Monty would be their ace...


this puts him up with charlie chaplin and woody allen as a comic genius

Henry wrote:

horace wrote:heard a small section of a Vaughan presser where he expressed great confidence of winning the ashes...talked about the great depth of English cricket and that Monty would be their ace...


this puts him up with charlie chaplin and woody allen as a comic genius

I guess you guys haven't learnt anything from 2005? Ah well, makes it all the more sweeter if we roll you guys over.....

Henry wrote:You learnt that Warne, Mcgrath, Langer, Martyn, and Gilchrist can't play forever, and you also learnt that their replacements aren't quite as good.

England need to get their act together, but fitness permitting, we should put out a pretty decent side against your lot next year.

Henry wrote:You learnt that Warne, Mcgrath, Langer, Martyn, and Gilchrist can't play forever, and you also learnt that their replacements aren't quite as good.

England need to get their act together, but fitness permitting, we should put out a pretty decent side against your lot next year.

Lara Lara Laughs wrote:Simon Jones took a 5-for the other day. Rumour has it that if you listened really carefully, you could hear the excrement oozing into Michael Clarke's pants on the other side of the world.

tac wrote:

Henry wrote:You learnt that Warne, Mcgrath, Langer, Martyn, and Gilchrist can't play forever, and you also learnt that their replacements aren't quite as good.

England need to get their act together, but fitness permitting, we should put out a pretty decent side against your lot next year.

So you've moved from typical Trev bravado to pre-emptive excuse making in the space of two posts . . . nice work, old son.

filosofee wrote:

Dello wrote:You might get your wish, Augustus: "Vaughan in positive mood"

Test captain Michael Vaughan has called upon England to re-discover their aggressive batting ahead of the npower series against New Zealand.

Although positive strokeplay was a feature of the team’s halcyon period of 2004-05, which culminated in Ashes success, recent displays have proved something a contrast.

Runs have tended to be ground rather than belted out, with results over the past 12 months affecting team confidence.

But Vaughan hopes that will now change, beginning with the Lord’s campaign opener, which begins on Thursday.

“If you look at the last year, we have only beaten West Indies and New Zealand away,” Vaughan said.

“We have been under a lot of pressure and maybe that was one of the reasons we were not playing as fluently as a batting unit.

“Now we have won a series away from home, we should go on and play in the more positive, fluent way we are used to.

“We are all strokeplayers, who get good bases and bat long periods of time when we are playing well. We do have that attacking instinct right through the order.”

http://www.ecb.co.uk/england/npower-tests/vaughan-in-positive-mood,17417,EN.html

So, expect a massive batting collapse punctuated by appalling strokes and wild thrashing any day now...

What's stopping Vaughan and his team from creating the "agressive batting" that he's calling for?

Red wrote:But the English team will be at least as aggressive as the SA line-up they face. I don't think any of the poms bat as slowly as Kallis and Prince.

taipan wrote:

Red wrote:But the English team will be at least as aggressive as the SA line-up they face. I don't think any of the poms bat as slowly as Kallis and Prince.

FFS, even when we are discussing England, he/she/it brings SA into it.

And he/she/it claims not to be obsessed.

Lara Lara Laughs wrote:Simon Jones took a 5-for the other day. Rumour has it that if you listened really carefully, you could hear the excrement oozing into Michael Clarke's pants on the other side of the world.

tac wrote:

taipan wrote:

Red wrote:But the English team will be at least as aggressive as the SA line-up they face. I don't think any of the poms bat as slowly as Kallis and Prince.

FFS, even when we are discussing England, he/she/it brings SA into it.

And he/she/it claims not to be obsessed.

Who are England playing this summer . . .

Rachel wrote:In fairness the bowling attack is usually fascinating. Harmison does the 'oh god you can be so horrifically cr*p and mentally feeble it's almost treasonable' role. Jimmikins almost likewise. Sidebottom and Panesar are quirky 'cult' figures and Hoggy with or without 'nip' is likeable enough.

It's the batting that's the problem. KP's obviously very good but he's a d*ck and you always wonder if his heart's really in it. The rest really struggle for any personality whatsoever and all seem to have exactly the same batting average. They're all perfectly competent but there's more edge on a marble than the England top order. Uninspiring and inconsistent yes- but they're not even vaguely enigmatic. They're all just too dull to seriously underachieve or overachieve.