English county season 2008 (VI)

This post was an accident in the same way your mother thought of you.

I didn't go in the end, woke up this morning feeling like a zombie (still feel that way, for that matter; head is pounding, coughing like a bastard, et cetera). Can't believe how bad Read's captaincy was at the death, it really was embarrassing. Short fine-leg? What does short fine-leg actually achieve?

Apart from the spinners the bowling was utterly dreadful too, proper spray-gun. Ealham looks well overdue for retirement; I thought that after seeing him early in the season then he destroyed Yorkshire. Andre Adams should have bowled more, especially towards the end, and Read should have dropped fine leg back and gone for a short third-man. I was screaming for him to drop fine-leg back throughout the whole of the last half-dozen overs.

Great all-round performance from Samit, I suppose. Can't say I'm that bothered about not winning the Pro40 but we totally bottled it and it felt beastly at the end knowing we'd thrown it away. Mohammad Sami, FFS! Bowl to hit off-stump, don't bowl wide at him! And Murray Goodwin, bowl some yorkers to him. It was a fantastic innings, but you didn't half give him most of those runs on a plate, you fools!

God, what a mess. I take it back, I'm so pissed off. My body feels like it's about to fall apart and that was utter sh!te. Everything was going swimmingly up until the 70th over or so of the match. The batting pulled itself together well, we got a score that was more than adequate. Wickets fell regularly, the spin twins bamboozled the opposition batsmen. How can a 9th wicket partnership containing a semi-bunny add 90-odd runs at a s/r of over 120? How can it be done? Somebody tell me. It's driving me nuts, I can't believe it.

Everything just seemed cut and dry. We only had to bowl straight, field reasonably and keep our cool. No-one kept their cool. Ready looked like a puppeteer who'd snapped a few strings and was trying to wriggle and writhe a way out of it by clawing at his puppets. He didn't have a clue what to do. Even when the game was in our pocket you could see the little cogs ticking over in his mind and they spelt imminent disaster. Every little move he made was an idiotic one. It was like he had a cursed rabbit's foot or something. Like he had terrible bad luck. But it wasn't bad luck, it was stupidity. He made stupid bowling changes (Ealham FFS) and his field settings were dreadful.

It all fell apart. It was like some huge, massive, fally apart thing. It doesn't bode well for the big one, the one that really matters. And yes, I'm all but tearing my hair out. I'm a poor loser, I can't stand it. When you get so close, when everything seems to have fallen into place at the right time, I don't think it's unreasonable to have expectations. You're not bowling at Don Bradman, for God's sake, it's Mohammad-******-Sami. He's a nightwatchman at the best of times. He might nab you an 120-ball fifty on a really good day. But to allow him to bash 20-odd in a huge partnership? What were they thinking?

There's no positives in this. On the one hand, the Pro40 is an irritating competition. It's really entertaining, but you can't admit you like it because it's pointless. But it's fun and you work hard at it, then you're so close. And it looks like you've won it, it looks like it's in the bag, it looks like the money is yours. Then you lose it. Then you realise that yes, the Pro40 competition is pointless - when you don't win it. You've wasted your time. You don't even get the runners-up prize. You're a loser, you threw it all away. And you lost to Sussex - the biggest ****** since ****** was invented. The b@stards that gave us that King of B@stards, Peter Moores. Then those little prince b@stards, Matt Prior and Luke Sussex.

Maddening, I tells you. That was the biggest collection of turds since sh!t began.

Farketty farketty fark fark fark.

Gutted.

Terrible captaincy by Read. Chase under the lights 4 days ago, and then bat in humid, clearing conditions today? Odd. Shreck . . . Mr Slappable Length When The Slog's On personified . . . at the death? Unforgivable.

I could go, but hey ho, can't be arsed. Feel utterly miserable.

One other point: - Good decision to scrap this competition though . . . that was really crap wasn't it?

Hands up if you'd rather watch T20?

Anyone?

No, didn't think so.

That is all...I might have cheered up in a week.

Later.

As an Essex fan let me tell you I fully well know the pain of 4 being scored off the last ball !!!

JKLever wrote:As an Essex fan let me tell you I fully well know the pain of 4 being scored off the last ball !!!

Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!

That was probably the last time I was so nervous at the last ball of a limited overs match to be honest.

Augustus wrote:This post was an accident in the same way your mother thought of you.

And who was this post aimed at then?

Big_Bad_Bob wrote:

JKLever wrote:As an Essex fan let me tell you I fully well know the pain of 4 being scored off the last ball !!!

Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!

That was probably the last time I was so nervous at the last ball of a limited overs match to be honest.

Bad luck Bob, I thought you had that one nailed down tbh.

Basil wrote:

vilkrang wrote:What a bunch of sh*thouses (bar Sales as usual)

Monty came in at nine - so it would have been a case of get seven and the rest will come quietly.

Hellfire! Worcs. could teach Northants a bit about collapses 241/5 - 242 all out FFS!

Cheers, Bas.

Read a quote from Mick Newell this evening saying that we would have won that game 99 times out of 100 once their 8th wicket fell.

Pretty fair assessment I'd say...but today was the 100th.

Sigh...

Brass Monkey wrote:

Is this a comment on Northants mother of all collapses on Saturday...?

No. That was attrocious though. But then, so were the Wobblers against their archrivals.

The smiles were for Notts losing.

Aye - I can imagine Gus flagellating himself whilst typing that...

JKLever wrote:Aye - I can imagine Gus flagellating himself whilst typing that...

TBH, he would've been if they'd won - being as he's the most miserable person in the world.

Brass Monkey wrote:No. That was attrocious though. But then, so were the Wobblers against their archrivals.

The smiles were for Notts losing.

Better to have come within a single delivery of a trophy, and be in contention for your second County Championship in 3 years with two games to go, rather than being Double Division Two Dross Weasels all your life.

JKLever wrote:Fark me the Pro40 is on the TV, and John Maunders has even got a gig in that side!

'Who ate all the pies?, who ate all the pies?... you fat bastard, you fat bastard YOU ate all the pies!!'

Perhaps.

Scored an immense 100 for us in the Evening Standard Final the next day. Made some very good bowlers look very ordinary.

Oh, and you'll be seeing alot more of him at Chelmsford next year JK!

The Chavs signed Maunders??!!!!

Only to the end of this season, unless Chas knows something different !!!

Yup. Indeed they have. Not sure its official yet.

Ah well, I'll give anyone a chance. Not sure a bloke averaging mid 20's in FC cricket will do much better 2nd time around though.

And tell the lad to cut down on the pies FFS!!!

I tells you JK. He hit an Immense 100 on sunday, when the next highest score was 40 from both sides.

He'll be alright once he's able to train properly.

Plus he'll be better than the rest of the shoite you've been putting out up top to be fair!

Big_Bad_Bob wrote:



Better to have come within a single delivery of a trophy, and be in contention for your second County Championship in 3 years with two games to go, rather than being Double Division Two Dross Weasels all your life.

I was actually laughing at the demeanour of Gus' post, but if you're grudgy little bitter shit like yourself, fair do's.

I've already maintained earlier in the season that Notts're probably the best team in England. That I admired their constant recruitment drives from other clubs.

Furthermore, I've never alluded to N'Hants being some bad daddy team - not as if I said 'Ha ha Notts, wahey Northants'. What I'd love to add though, is that it's damned likely that we've been more in Div 1 of the Pro40 than Notts have, so I'd hardly call us 'Double'. But there we go.

Still, the more that teams who are supported by jingoistic slabheads like you lose the better. Keeps the superiority complex down.

I see Neil Dexter is to leave Kent - been rumours all season of him coming to Essex where he'd be guaranteed a first team slot but latest rumour on the Essex board is that he's possibly off to the Middlescummers!

What would those muppets need another batsman for? Not like he'd get a guaranteed start there either.

Notts are letting AJ Harris go. He's with us on loan atm, but I'll be surprised if he stays for next season.

35 now.

Got a return to Derby written all over it...