Re: Also in the news . . .

by JKLever Sat 14 Feb 2009, 23:56

tac wrote:
JKLever wrote:
Demelza wrote:He was only 12 when the baby was conceived!

Jebus

He looks about 9. Feel sorry for him really, looks quite a cute kid. A few years time and he'll realise he's stuck with the Ugliest girl in Eastbourne.

JK speaking from experience . . . .

Not taking the bait Very Happy

by LeFromage Sun 15 Feb 2009, 00:39

JKLever wrote:
tac wrote:
JKLever wrote:
Demelza wrote:He was only 12 when the baby was conceived!

Jebus

He looks about 9. Feel sorry for him really, looks quite a cute kid. A few years time and he'll realise he's stuck with the Ugliest girl in Eastbourne.

JK speaking from experience . . . .

Not taking the jailbait

Fixed.

by Gary 111 Sun 15 Feb 2009, 05:29

JGK wrote:Reminds me of this story:

Court: Girl can't be called Talula Does The Hula

updated 6:32 a.m. ET July 24, 2008

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names here, and did something about it.

Just ask Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. He had her renamed.

Judge Rob Murfitt made the 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so that her name could be changed, he said in a ruling made public Thursday. The girl was involved in a custody battle, he said.

The new name was not made public to protect the girl's privacy.

'Very poor judgment'

"The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name," he wrote. "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily."

The girl had been so embarrassed at the name that she had never told her closest friends what it was. She told people to call her "K" instead, the girl's lawyer, Colleen MacLeod, told the court.

In his ruling, Murfitt cited a list of the unfortunate names.

Sex Fruit?

Registration officials blocked some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, he said. But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter "and tragically, Violence," he said.

New Zealand law does not allow names that would cause offense to a reasonable person, among other conditions, said Brian Clarke, the registrar general of Births, Deaths and Marriages.

Clarke said officials usually talked to parents who proposed unusual names to convince them about the potential for embarrassment.

I can almost imagine what it will be like in 20 years time....

Australia v New Zealand

New Zealand in Australia 2028/29 (3rd Test)

Venue: Western Australia Cricket Association Space Docking Ground, Upper Perth on 30th November, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th December 2028 (5.1-day match)
Balls per over 6.1
Toss New Zealand won the toss and decided to bat
Result Match drawn
Umpires D1 B1RD, Robotron Aleem Dar 2.0
Third umpire Darrell Hair

Close of play day 1 New Zealand (1) 293/7 (Number 16 Bus Shelter 28*, Keenan Got Lucy 5*; 90 overs)
Close of play day 2 Australia (1) 75/2 (Langer 34*, ME Waugh 5*; 15 overs)
Close of play day 3 Australia (1) 351 all out
Close of play day 4 Australia (2) 69/2 (Hayden 31*, ME Waugh 8*; 17 overs)
Man of the Match DL Vettori

New Zealand first innings Runs Balls Mins 4s 6s
"and tragically, Violence," b Gillespie 9 20 23 1 -
Kyle c ME Waugh b Warne 104 208 273 14 1
Yeah Detroit lbw b McGrath 2 5 6 - -
*Fish and Chips lbw b Lee 105 222 316 13 -
Number 16 Bus Shelter not out 156 275 408 22 1
Murray lbw b Gillespie 4 3 4 1 -
DL Vettori c Martyn b Gillespie 2 3 7 - -
Sex Fruit c Gilchrist b Lee 8 5 3 2 -
+Keenan Got Lucy c McGrath b Lee 110 243 308 14 1
SE Finn b Lee 0 3 2 - -
Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii did not bat
Extras (4 b, 15 lb, 13 nb, 2 w) 34
Total (9 wickets, declared, 683 minutes, 162.5 overs) 534
Fall of wickets:
1-12 ("and tragically, Violence,", 5.2 ov), 2-19 (Yeah Detroit, 6.6 ov), 3-218 (Kyle, 65.4 ov), 4-264 (Fish and Chips, 83.6 ov), 5-269 (Murray, 84.5 ov), 6-272 (Vettori, 86.2 ov), 7-281 (Sex Fruit, 87.1 ov), 8-534 (Keenan Got Lucy, 162.2 ov), 9-534 (Finn, 162.5 ov)

Australia bowling Overs Mdns Runs Wkts Wides No-Balls
McGrath 27 11 72 1 - -
Gillespie 40 7 112 3 2 -
Lee 32.5 5 125 4 - 10
Warne 43 9 135 1 - -
Martyn 10 0 44 0 - -
ME Waugh 6 1 26 0 - -
Ponting 4 3 1 0 - -

Australia first innings Runs Balls Mins 4s 6s
JL Langer c Keenan Got Lucy b Sex Fruit 75 157 222 7 1
ML Hayden c Kyle b Finn 0 2 5 - -
RT Ponting c Keenan Got Lucy b Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii 31 37 46 7 -
ME Waugh c Finn b Vettori 42 60 84 5 -
*SR Waugh c Keenan Got Lucy b Vettori 8 16 20 2 -
DR Martyn c Fish and Chips b Sex Fruit 60 126 168 7 -
+AC Gilchrist c "and tragically, Violence," b Vettori 0 3 7 - -
SK Warne c "and tragically, Violence," b Vettori 99 157 213 10 -
B Lee c Murray b Vettori 17 69 90 3 -
JN Gillespie c Keenan Got Lucy b Vettori 0 8 9 - -
GD McGrath not out 0 2 10 - -
Extras (2 lb, 16 nb, 1 w) 19
Total (all out, 446 minutes, 103.4 overs) 351
Fall of wickets:
1-3 (Hayden, 1.1 ov), 2-61 (Ponting, 11.2 ov), 3-122 (ME Waugh, 30.3 ov), 4-137 (SR Waugh, 35.2 ov), 5-191 (Langer, 50.6 ov), 6-192 (Gilchrist, 53.1 ov), 7-270 (Martyn, 78.3 ov), 8-342 (Lee, 99.2 ov), 9-346 (Gillespie, 101.4 ov), 10-351 (Warne, 103.4 ov)

New Zealand bowling Overs Mdns Runs Wkts Wides No-Balls
Sex Fruit 23 5 86 2 1 6
Finn 18 2 74 1 - 3
Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii 23 4 88 1 - -
Vettori 34.4 7 87 6 - 6
Number 16 Bus Shelter 5 1 14 0 - -

New Zealand second innings Runs Balls Mins 4s 6s
"and tragically, Violence," run out (SR Waugh) 30 99 134 3 -
Kyle c ME Waugh b Lee 54 54 88 7 -
Yeah Detroit c Gilchrist b McGrath 29 54 73 2 1
Sex Fruit c Warne b Lee 42 66 106 3 2
*Fish and Chips b Warne 4 20 22 - -
Number 16 Bus Shelter c Langer b Gillespie 40 56 68 5 -
Murray c Warne b Gillespie 19 41 49 2 -
+Keenan Got Lucy not out 16 21 56 2 -
DL Vettori c SR Waugh b Lee 3 7 9 - -
SE Bond b Lee 8 12 9 2 -
Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii did not bat
Extras (1 b, 6 lb, 4 nb) 11
Total (9 wickets, declared, 320 minutes, 71 overs) 256
Fall of wickets:
1-77 (Kyle, 19.1 ov), 2-90 ("and tragically, Violence,", 30.1 ov), 3-128 (Yeah Detroit, 37.3 ov), 4-151 (Fish and Chips, 42.5 ov), 5-199 (Sex Fruit, 56.2 ov), 6-208 (Number 16 Bus Shelter, 59.2 ov), 7-241 (Murray, 67.3 ov), 8-246 (Vettori, 68.6 ov), 9-256 (Finn, 71 ov)

Australia bowling Overs Mdns Runs Wkts Wides No-Balls
McGrath 17 4 63 1 - -
Gillespie 17 0 55 2 - 2
Lee 16 3 56 4 - 2
Warne 21 3 75 1 - -
Australia second innings Runs Balls Mins 4s 6s
JL Langer c Vettori b Finn 0 8 10 - -
ML Hayden c Yeah Detroit b Vettori 57 114 160 7 -
RT Ponting b Sex Fruit 26 26 44 5 -
ME Waugh b Murray 86 158 169 11 1
*SR Waugh run out (Vettori) 67 154 226 7 -
DR Martyn b Vettori 30 71 76 4 -
+AC Gilchrist not out 83 109 130 12 2
SK Warne run out (Yeah Detroit) 10 12 13 1 -
JN Gillespie not out 1 24 40 - -
B Lee did not bat
GD McGrath did not bat
Extras (3 lb, 16 nb, 2 w) 21
Total (7 wickets, 445 minutes, 110 overs) 381
Fall of wickets:
1-1 (Langer, 2.2 ov), 2-52 (Ponting, 12.4 ov), 3-130 (Hayden, 36.5 ov), 4-195 (ME Waugh, 56.4 ov), 5-244 (Martyn, 78.3 ov), 6-339 (SR Waugh, 96.6 ov), 7-355 (Warne, 99.1 ov)

New Zealand bowling Overs Mdns Runs Wkts Wides No-Balls
Finn 21 3 80 1 - 2
Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii 12 0 51 0 2 2
Vettori 45 11 142 2 - 10
Sex Fruit 15 2 72 1 - 2
Number 16 Bus Shelter 12 5 18 0 - -
Murray 5 2 15 1 - -

by Zat Sun 15 Feb 2009, 09:50

Surely it should have read 'Fush and Chups'

by Bradman Sun 15 Feb 2009, 10:52

I've seen some funny Aboriginal names over the years, not their actual Aboriginal names but the names they were given by white station managers when it came time to at least let the Protector or Administrator know another native had been born. Something they might not bother to do until the kid was three or four years old.

I've come across a few Hitlers and the odd Stalin, but one unimaginative qunt took the cake when it came to sheer laziness in this regard. We were interviewing an old man by the name of Peter Pan. Used to European names being given to Aboriginals after a bottle or two of 'State Express' rum had been consumed, and yes they named it that for a reason and yes it can no longer be legally sold, I didn't really bat an eyelid.

Going through his family history trying to at least get ball park figures for dates of birth etc and some other details I was struck by the sheer wierdness and variety of his son's names. Delta, Delray, Wodall, Toparea and even Straight Draw. We had no luck on even ball park figures for dates of birth until I mentioned to my off-sider, an old Bushie, that the names seemed familiar but i couldn't work out why. All of a sudden he pissed himself laughing and said he could get all their birthdates down to a season and a year.

"HTF can you do that"

"Ask him what his father's name was and then look at the name of the youngest son."

"What about your Dad. Who was he?"

"Carbine" the old man replied. I checked the name of the youngest son 'Hi Jinx'.

Aussie forumers might work out how we narrowed the birth dates down.

by eowyn Sun 15 Feb 2009, 11:11

They're racehorses, I'm guessing Melbourne Cup winners?

by freddled gruntbuggly Sun 15 Feb 2009, 11:14

As soon as you mentioned Peter Pan . . .

by Bradman Sun 15 Feb 2009, 11:28

freddled gruntbuggly wrote:As soon as you mentioned Peter Pan . . .

Yeah, unfortunately I wasn't that quick at the time or sufficiently un-wet behind the ears to assume someone could be so farking lazy. Thank fark none of the kids were born in 1950 or worse 1970.

by Guest Sun 15 Feb 2009, 11:38

Demelza wrote:He was only 12 when the baby was conceived!

Jebus

Several other boys are now claiming resposibility and Alfie wants a DNA test.
OMG!

by freddled gruntbuggly Sun 15 Feb 2009, 11:48

eowyn wrote:They're racehorses, I'm guessing Melbourne Cup winners?

Indeed.

Bradman wrote:
freddled gruntbuggly wrote:As soon as you mentioned Peter Pan . . .
Yeah, unfortunately I wasn't that quick at the time or sufficiently un-wet behind the ears to assume someone could be so farking lazy. Thank fark none of the kids were born in 1950 or worse 1970.

Given how seriously some blokes take their racing, it could have been considered quite an honour to get names like that.
Hmmmm . . . Might and Power, Van Der Hum, Saintly, Makybe Diva . . . and I thought I got saddled with something rather over the top . . .

by tac Sun 15 Feb 2009, 11:54

Leilani . . . a pretty little pony

by JKLever Sun 15 Feb 2009, 14:16

Demelza wrote:
Demelza wrote:He was only 12 when the baby was conceived!

Jebus
Several other boys are now claiming resposibility and Alfie wants a DNA test.
OMG!

She's the village slapper obviously

by footwork Sun 15 Feb 2009, 19:04

Demelza wrote:
Demelza wrote:He was only 12 when the baby was conceived!

Jebus
Several other boys are now claiming resposibility and Alfie wants a DNA test.
OMG!

Heard on our news that alfie's sister had a baby when she was thirteen.
Who's helping the kids' parents - apart from the government.

by mynah Sun 15 Feb 2009, 19:27

JKLever wrote:
Demelza wrote:
Demelza wrote:He was only 12 when the baby was conceived!

Jebus
Several other boys are now claiming resposibility and Alfie wants a DNA test.
OMG!

She's the village slapper obviously

Nah, they're just pretending they're not virgins anymore. Wonder if they'll still claim paternity when maintenance payment is to be decided...

by footwork Sun 15 Feb 2009, 19:28

Zat wrote:JoyceLynn Aryan Nation. Should go and make friends with MooUnit Zappa.

Why didn't Zappa end up in court? Dweezil and Diva Muffin.

Peaches Honeyblossom
Heavenly Hirani Tigerlily
Geronimo
Kal-el
Moxie CrimeFighter

Shocked

by mynah Sun 15 Feb 2009, 19:32

I know a kid named Talon True Eagle...

by Bradman Mon 16 Feb 2009, 00:08

My little sister, much seperated from me in age, was scared of the dogs on the farm.

GAE went to the big city and bought her a Chiauau (or however the fark you spell it). Little Sis took it to school for show and tell and at lunch time the kids were playing with it on the oval when a great big bloody Kite swooped down and carried it off.

The Chiauau's name was 'Lucky'.

by Guest Mon 16 Feb 2009, 00:16

mynah wrote:
JKLever wrote:
Demelza wrote:
Demelza wrote:He was only 12 when the baby was conceived!

Jebus
Several other boys are now claiming resposibility and Alfie wants a DNA test.
OMG!

She's the village slapper obviously
Nah, they're just pretending they're not virgins anymore. Wonder if they'll still claim paternity when maintenance payment is to be decided...

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/news/177665/Richard-Goodsell-Im-the-real-daddy-Alfie-and-I-want-a-DNA-test-to-prove-it.html

And amazingly the News Of The World has uncovered claims that Chantelle was sleeping with as many as EIGHT teenage boys around the time the baby was conceived on the Old Town estate in Eastbourne, Sussex.

by JKLever Mon 16 Feb 2009, 00:32

Mum & Dad must be so proud.

by Big_Bad_Bob Mon 16 Feb 2009, 00:33

Fark me.

Makes you proud to be British . . .

“We used to sleep in the same bed and within two weeks we’d had full sex. It was in her bedroom while her mum was downstairs.

“We didn’t use any contraception. It wasn’t my first time. But when we split up I found out that she was having sex with lots of other boys I knew.

"Me and my mates fell out over it.” Richard then reeled off a list of 14 and 15-year-old boys who, he claims, slept with Chantelle.

The teenager — who is studying catering at Sussex Downs College — claimed: “To be honest, any one of my mates could be the dad.

...

Richard’s mother Barbie-Jayne, 35, backs his story. She has five kids and was a teenager when she gave birth to Richard.

Last night she proudly boasted of twice appearing on TV’s Trisha show as a guest on programmes about having an overbearing personality and overactive sex life.

...

“There are at least five other boys that I know who were all sleeping with her around that time. They’re all now wondering, ‘Is it me?’

“It was routine for boys to stay over with her in her bed.

And these are the kind of farkers who are steadily taking over the country as they breed with each other like rabbits.

We are so farked.

by embee Mon 16 Feb 2009, 00:38

They just spoke to Alfie's 'Celebrity Agent' on Wozzie radio ...

He said it wasn't his usual client and was a bit different from handling matters for Simon Cowell , the Beatles and Frank Sinatra ...

by DJ_Smerk Mon 16 Feb 2009, 00:43

Alfie Romeo.

Will Little Britain do a spin off of Alf in the new series?

Britain needs to rubber up.

by DJ_Smerk Mon 16 Feb 2009, 00:45

How do Michael Caine and Jude Law feel about Alfie?

What happens when I go and rent the "Film" Alfie. Will I get ridiculed?

by Bradman Mon 16 Feb 2009, 00:45

Why are these idiots holding up their hands for a lifetime of trouble let alone financial mayhem.

The magazine deals can't be worth that much surely.

And Alfie's 'celebrity agent' must be used to handling paternity suits from immature dickheads like footy players, rock stars and the assorted like.

by DJ_Smerk Mon 16 Feb 2009, 00:47

Alfie is mature beyond his years. He's a father didn't you know.

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