Belated tour diary : Graeme Smith

Graeme Smith diary


In the first ‘exclusive’ of the year, iafrica.com brings you unseen extracts from national cricket captain Graeme Smith’s secret tour diary…

Wednesday February 25: Got woken up at six this morning by an awful racket from the room next door — sounded like a cat giving birth to a porcupine. Rushed in to see what was happening; it was AB singing in the shower, working on his next single. Apparently he’s sold nearly a dozen copies of his debut track… Good day of training, although Morné managed to put a ball through the windscreen of the team bus with a wayward bouncer, and promptly burst into tears. Still, looking good for the series.

Thursday February 26: Not a great start to the day, as the team bus (windscreen repaired) was held up by AB, who arrived 15 minutes late with a big smile, but refusing to say anything other than a muttered apology. And the day didn’t get better — got the new kid with the weird technique early, but otherwise a long day. And to wrap up a forgettable Thursday, my agent called — Bollywood film I was going to be starring in has been postponed indefinitely. Very disappointing.

Saturday February 28: AB was late for the bus again, and Morné somehow got lost coming out of the hotel; honestly, he’s got no sense of direction. Was going to have a stern talking to with AB, but he got a good hundred which saved us from being embarrassed. We’re not out of it — and my film career might just be saved. Apparently the producers of the Francois Pienaar movie want me to play a role!

Monday March 2: Knock on my door at 5:30 this morning — Ricky Ponting, in tears! Turns out that after losing the home series, he’d been told that another loss would amount to treason, and he’d either be put in prison, or sent to the Australian High Commission in Baghdad. The man was a broken figure, knowing we were going to win, and the fate that awaited him as a result. Had a long talk with the team, and decided that on humanitarian grounds, we’d concede the game. Hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but it saved Ricky.

Wednesday March 4: Back in Durban, but no holiday — had a disciplinary hearing with AB, who’d missed the team flight. Finally figured out what’s been going on with him: he’s been auditioning for Idols, hoping to make a late entry. Can only imagine what would happen if Simon Cowell got hold of him… Have to be honest, Pienaar movie has me distracted — who will I be playing? Have a suspicion it’ll be Andre Joubert; practiced a few sidesteps in the hotel just in case. Wonder if I should start growing a moustache?

Friday March 6: Dreadful start to the day, not least because Ashwell phoned me at six in the morning (eighth call in three days) just to check if everyone was okay, and that he could fly into Durban that morning if needed. Bowling was very average, and we really missed my off-breaks — but Mickey says the specialists insist I can’t bowl with my elbow problem, so our attack’s missing a crucial element. No confirmation on the Pienaar movie, but I’m almost certain it’s Joubert. Meeting Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman will be pretty cool.

Saturday March 7: Nightmare! Two quick wickets, and then I get hit on the hand, and another finger goes! I’d been doing a lot of hand exercises, but the doctor reckons that might have put too much strain on my fingers, and bang, out I go. Jacques got a nasty one as well, and all told it was a pretty dreadful day, with me definitely out for the next Test. Still, I suppose it’ll give me time to work on my lines for the movie.

Sunday March 8: Finger hurt like hell, and didn’t get much sleep, although caught a great movie on etv about two Swedish nurses falling in love. Touching love story, and exquisite cinematography. AB and Jacques hung on, but it’s a massive chase. Got a ‘Please Call Me’ freebie text from Herschelle, so called him back; he’s working shifts at the Spur in Goodwood, but said he could get evening shifts during the third Test if necessary. Really feel sorry for him.

Tuesday March 8: Morné was in tears again at breakfast, JP calling him Steve Harmison again, and Neil was looking pretty depressed (he gets to see Kerry with her kit off — how bad can life really be?); by the end of the day we were all pretty gloomy, the away series seeming an awfully long time ago. And to cap a revolting day, my agent called about the Pienaar movie. So much for Andre Joubert — they want me to play Os du Randt. Honestly.

Not as good as previous instalments. But it has its moments.

"I’d been doing a lot of hand exercises, but the doctor reckons that might have put too much strain on my fingers, and bang, out I go."

ROFL

Monday March 2: Knock on my door at 5:30 this morning — Ricky Ponting, in tears! Turns out that after losing the home series, he’d been told that another loss would amount to treason, and he’d either be put in prison, or sent to the Australian High Commission in Baghdad. The man was a broken figure, knowing we were going to win, and the fate that awaited him as a result. Had a long talk with the team, and decided that on humanitarian grounds, we’d concede the game. Hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but it saved Ricky.

Makes sense.

Hilda wrote:Graeme Smith diary




Tuesday March 8: Morné was in tears again at breakfast, JP calling him Steve Harmison again, and Neil was looking pretty depressed (he gets to see Kerry with her kit off — how bad can life really be?); by the end of the day we were all pretty gloomy, the away series seeming an awfully long time ago. And to cap a revolting day, my agent called about the Pienaar movie. So much for Andre Joubert — they want me to play Os du Randt. Honestly.

Who's he trying to kid?