FORUM GOLD

[PeterCS]

Nominations?

[DJ_Smerk]

[JKLever]

Zimmy crying on the forum at the Lunch interval of the 1st test at Lords in 2005

[DJ_Smerk]

Vilks, PP and Gus posting pictures of themselves up on the forum.

Bucky getting physical.

Merlin's meltdown.

Taipan's meltdown.

tac's love-up.

JKLever becoming someone's favourite poster boy.

[Zat]

Funnily enough, a year or so ago, Jay and I started hunting for gold...
Following are a few possibles.

[Zat]

Well it's all relative- England cricket's far better off than cricket in the Windies and Pakistan. Still, I've got no faith in those running English cricket on and off the field- if ever there's an example of people always eventually being promoted beyond their level of competency the ECB's an object lesson.

As well as Ian Bell obviously it's all about county cricket- it doesn't even try to create a level of competition to prepare English players for international cricket. Despite everything even just last season you had teams of kolpakers playing half-arsed 4 day cricket against each other in front of a handful of mentals, the nearly dead and a curiousy large number of crows.

Thing is the ECB is the counties- they're not separate entities, county chairmen sit on the board and nothing can be done to reform the game without Derbyshire's total agreement. So England will always be average with moderate highs and terrible lows.

So unless I become the fascist dictator of this fair country and have all those parasitic county b*stards shot Engish cricket will never conquer the world.

If I was lord protector btw I would turn the rose bowl into a great big f*ck off gulag for Shaun Udal, Peter Moores and their like. Giles Clarke would have already been hung, drawn and quartered and there would be an effigy of him forever burning a-top London bridge.

Curiously my rule would otherwise be incredibly benevolent and progressive and I would be known in history as Eric the good and mostly sane.

THREAD

Tom (the good and mostly sane), sets out his blueprint for Engish cricket's resurrection.

[Zat]

Well I think it's all great- just when I thought the England team was irredeemably dull, dismal and average, all along it was one big basket-case. It hasn't been this good since Freddy murdered Bob Woolmer and tried to escape on a pedalo.

THREAD

Tom inadvertently blows the Bob Woolmer case wide open.

[Zat]

Just glad I didn't have to watch any of the last two days (or the first day for that matter). Made all the worse by sounds of things by inevitable fog and bad light. A real hangover of a test match.

Anyway England player ratings? I've equated them to christmas food.

Strauss- Brandy butter- came straight out of the fridge to score two cerebral tons.

Cook- Mince pie - not enough of him and getting a bit same-ish

Bell- a rotting discarded turkey head. Fielded well though.

Pietersen- fruit cake with thick icing. Quality but a little bit too rich.

Collingwood- Sprouts- functional.

Flintoff- Roast potatos- lovely and crispy but a little bit too hot and fluffy inside.

Prior- Red cabbage. Ho hum.

Broad- Turkey wing- flavoursome but messy and not enough flesh.

Jimmikins- Nuts

Panesar- Packet of dates

Swann- Sandwich made from leftovers. Can't fault it but it's not the real thing.

Harmison- Coal

THREAD

Getting into the festive spirit, Tom hungers for a mouthful of England.

[Zat]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with good-natured banter but internet forums should not be used to make libellous or scabrous allegations nor are they the place for retarded verbal bullies like you and your partner-in-crime. Noone is forcing you to participarte in this forum or peruse every thread or read every post but if you do use the forum you should extend a measure of courtesy and respect to your fellow members. If you have any problem with the quantity or quality of posts there is a perfectly reasonable procedure to use rather than setting out deliberately to destroy threads by posting garbage.

If you think you can intimidate me into silence and quiescence just as you have intimidated others then I'm afraid you'd better think again. Caving in to a few thugs and bullies with an exaggerated sense of their moral "superiority" is what happened in Germany in 1933 and we all know where that particular road led. My parents didn't go without bananas and oranges for 6 years just so I should truckle to the likes of you. If you want the forum shut down altogether just carry on behaving in the way you are doing. It's your choice. In the meantime if you cannot post any on-topic material I suggest you and your kamerad leave this thread alone and, preferably, set up your own forum for yourselves and the rest of the herrenvolk.

THREAD

Heated political debate turns personal as Allan D gets down to the real issues and in no way presents himself as a fruitophilic mentaloid.

[Zat]

Right that's it. I'm quitting my job tomorrow, wanking all day whilst eating pizza and shooting up some skag. F*ck it. We're done for.

THREAD

As a mild earthquake tickles England, Danny decides to spend the final few moments of human existence pretty much exactly the same way he's spent the previous twenty years of human existence.

[Zat]

Gary 111, in his usual understated way, sums up the excitement about the announcement of England's centrally contracted players following the 2007 season.

The excitement is reaching fever pitch here in England in anticipation. All over the country offices are grinding to a halt, factory floors will be hanging on Mr Graveney's every word on the radio. Sky Sports news have had a crack 200 strong squad of news reporters camped outside ECB headquarters all night. Matt Prior's legion of fans have had a sleepless night in anticipation. Even Gordon Brown will be adjurning his cabinet meeting just to hear the news.

THREAD

[Zat]

JKL and Danny (Brass Monkey) try really hard to get into the excitement of the opening game of the first ICC World t20 in South Africa

Harsha Bhogle - what a tool of a commentator.

Creamed himself over a stroll for 2

Then the wides fiasco as mentioned above.

Then - 'Lords - are you watching this... come into the next century'

Er..... Harsha mate they've been playing T20 at Lords for the last 3 forking years!!!!!

Great knock Gayle

As I say, you need clowns. I'm relishing him and Bumble at the same time. It'll be like taking LSD and watching Clockwork Orange whilst shocking your balls.

THREAD

[Zat]

Not so much 'gold' for the suggestion that somehow a whole cricket ground be made bigger to accommodate a bit of hit-and-giggle cricket, but for the fact that nobody picked up on how silly a suggestion it was at the time.

With that 'rarefied air' they have in Johannesburg, most half hit shots will go for six. Gibbs hardly timed a ball all night but still ended up making 90 off 55 balls. I think they should make the boundaries about 20 feet longer.

THREAD

[Zat]

Sometimes this place is the living embodiment of Monty Python's 'Four Yorkshiremen' sketch. Only of more dubious taste.

Being a Surrey fan is like swimming in the bedpan of an Angel.

Or like being buggered by Satan

How many people get to be buggered by Satan? Better than being buggered by Alan Titchmarsh which would be the equivalent of being a Middlesex fan.

THREAD

[Zat]

The origins of DLF Hawk Spit (several variations of the spellig)
THREAD

[Zat]

The original 'Bucky: Helicopters are circling my house' thread was not easy to find. The first references to the choppers aren't till page 12...
THREAD

[skully]

Jebus, Zog, you got a database of these things???

How can we be leaving out the BLUMPY THREAD and the HEARSAY THREAD?

[Zat]

About a year ago, when I was really keen on the idea of a gold section, I started reading the whole forum, and bookmarking. Got through about 40 pages and suffered crap overload,. so never finished the job. Jay pointed out a couple, and I think even his royal lardness picked a couple.

[skully]

Hehehe, noice work.

[PeterCS]

aye, good trawling Supreme Commander sah.

[lardbucket]

how about this Cassandra-like stuff from Red?

[PeterCS]

I don't recall that. Alchemy?

[Paul Keating]

This was back on C4 - Boxing Day Test 2006 and England relinquishing the Ashes

Tom Pagan at his best.

We're letting the Aussies get away with it a bit here...not on the cricket
field - that's all done and dusted and we're only viewing portracted rigor
mortis.

But in general- they're still Aussies. Their team are still a bunch of
downright scary and disturbing fanatical weirdos. They sing a 'patriotic'
song after every single test win, the baggy green is treated with the same
reference as a holy relic, nicknames are a deadly serious tribal rite of
pasage thing etc. etc. If they didn't have a sporting outlet for their
dangerous levels of testosterone they'd be getting on the jackboots and
invading New Zealand. FACT.

Let's look at the team- Hayden- the double Y chromosome missing link school
bully who never grew up, Langer - thinks he's actually fighting a war,
Ponting need I say more, Clarke- weird arian puppy with a diamond stud in
his ear, Symonds- pig shooting hick, belongs in a horror film, Gilchrist-
appauling hypocrite who walks for nicks but has no qualms about cheating
other batsmen of their wicket with endless spurious appeals behind the
wicket and we haven't even started on the two described as the 'Great Men'.
Totally conceited and arrogant so and so's- both overdo it with the
verbals, one probably needs castrating and the other's a redneck. 'Great
Men'? Check out Ghandi or Nelson Mandella. Your boys are the great trailer
trash.

KP aside, England are to a man regular, fairly well-balanced, as
professional sportsmen go, human beings. You can beat our team 5-0 every
series for the next 100 years but we'll always be the 'real' winners.

I'd sing a patriotic song now but I'm not incurably vulgar enough.

[JKLever]

PMSL

[Jontyh]

Aye. I remember that. I had to check my screen to see if any of the bitterness had oozed out..

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