England vs Sri Lanka, 4th ODI, Trent Bridge, 6 July, 2011

I don't like the cut of your jib, Fromage. You're on thin ice.

England to bowl first - Bresnan and Anderson keeping it very tight. They snaffle a couple or more between them. Then Broad comes on and nails that fuller lengthed delivery he's so accustomed to. In tandem with Dernbach, they whittle away the Sri Lankan's wickets - Dernbach with his fast stock delivery mixed in with a very infrequent slower ball aiding in doing the damage. No need for Swanny - Bressy lad mops up the tail with his usual threatening bowling at the end.

England need 170 to win. Kieswetter blasts 20 off 11 balls - he certainly doesn't need to get his eye in at all. England are looking to finish this one early, Cook's expansive shot-selection help them rocket. Trott is his generous self, looking to middle every ball - these powerplay overs are not for blockers, after all! Unfortunately they lose Pietersen and Morgan early, after Cook absolutely rifles one to long off. Fortunately for England, the next man in; Ian Bell (known for his incredibly unselfish and expansive batting) just wants to get on with it and helps knock the last 70 off in no time at all. Immensely brisk half-centuries to England's two most dynamic players in Trott and Bell seal the deal.

What a team. What an astonishing exhibition of ODI cricket.

Thank you England. Thank you with all our hearts. I'm welling up.

Brass Monkey wrote:I don't like the cut of your jib, Fromage. You're on thin ice.

England to bowl first - Bresnan and Anderson keeping it very tight. They snaffle a couple or more between them. Then Broad comes on and nails that fuller lengthed delivery he's so accustomed to. In tandem with Dernbach, they whittle away the Sri Lankan's wickets - Dernbach with his fast stock delivery mixed in with a very infrequent slower ball aiding in doing the damage. No need for Swanny - Bressy lad mops up the tail with his usual threatening bowling at the end.

England need 170 to win. Kieswetter blasts 20 off 11 balls - he certainly doesn't need to get his eye in at all. England are looking to finish this one early, Cook's expansive shot-selection help them rocket. Trott is his generous self, looking to middle every ball - these powerplay overs are not for blockers, after all! Unfortunately they lose Pietersen and Morgan early, after Cook absolutely rifles one to long off. Fortunately for England, the next man in; Ian Bell (known for his incredibly unselfish and expansive batting) just wants to get on with it and helps knock the last 70 off in no time at all. Immensely brisk half-centuries to England's two most dynamic players in Trott and Bell seal the deal.

What a team. What an astonishing exhibition of ODI cricket.

Thank you England. Thank you with all our hearts. I'm welling up.

I agree, England to win at a canter. The team will be:

The Captain
The Bedwetter
The Grinder
The Ego
The Irishman
The Shermanator (a.k.a. The Terminator when playing Tests)
The Pie Man
The Enforcer
The Wicket Taking Bowler
The Burnley Bullet
The Slower Ball

You've outdone yourself there Gary, I don't know how you can be so assured about the team. Maybe it's because Ali Cook just said about The Enforcer:

Captain Positive II wrote:"A couple of those chances when he was bowling aggressively, they can hit the glove and bounce up but they kept avoiding fielders. At the moment it's not quite going for Broady, a bit like the Tests, but this what cricket does. If he gets five-for next week at his home ground next week it will be worth it."

Not quite going for Broady? No, Ali, not really - 0 wickets, 154 at an econ of 5.92. There's a lack of luck and there's getting drilled at nearly a run a ball.

Brass Monkey wrote:You've outdone yourself there Gary, I don't know how you can be so assured about the team. Maybe it's because Ali Cook just said about The Enforcer:

Captain Positive II wrote:"A couple of those chances when he was bowling aggressively, they can hit the glove and bounce up but they kept avoiding fielders. At the moment it's not quite going for Broady, a bit like the Tests, but this what cricket does. If he gets five-for next week at his home ground next week it will be worth it."

Not quite going for Broady? No, Ali, not really - 0 wickets, 154 at an econ of 5.92. There's a lack of luck and there's getting drilled at nearly a run a ball.

Yeah, because if, best case scenario he gets 5 wickets next week he'll have 5 wickets at around 40 for the series at an economy of 6.00. Then it'll be worth it.

Unless he gets a five-for and bowls ten consecutive maidens at Trent Bridge. Then he'll have the most economical figures in the history of One Day cricket. He'll be greater than Phil Simmons. Then it'll be worth it. His series bowling average will be almost in the 20s then.

Aye, what a strange comment it is. Same muppet operator, different muppets on their hand.

Talk of Ravi Plops and FS Patel for either Trott or Belfohl™ and J'Aids De Bacharach.

Hmmm. TBH, I'd rather see both of them in front of Belfohl™ and Timmy Lad.

No-one's going to drop Timmy Goodlad. They didn't even bother to see if he was properly fit before fast-tracking him back into the team. They love him. He's a first pick-er.

He's the Ian Bell of bowling - they guy everyone in the media thinks is doing pretty damned well and a key player, yet a total flangehound in any measurable sense.

Ravi Bopara is nowhere near as good a ODI batsman as Ian Bell. Bopara must have played nigh on 50 ODIs, and he has scored slowly and lowly throughout. He's one of those amazing players though, every time he gets dropped and goes back to Essex to play crap, he becomes a much better player. If we drop him a few more times, he'll be Sachin Tendulkar. I guess there's no reasoning with England's selectors. A guy is 26 and has never looked like an international cricketer ... but he's the next in-line. Replacing fools with idiots.

Dello wrote:No-one's going to drop Timmy Goodlad. They didn't even bother to see if he was properly fit before fast-tracking him back into the team. They love him. He's a first pick-er.

True. He can do whatever the f*ck he likes, which seems to be getting tonked, you're right.

Chivalry Augustus wrote:Ravi Bopara is nowhere near as good a ODI batsman as Ian Bell. Bopara must have played nigh on 50 ODIs, and he has scored slowly and lowly throughout. He's one of those amazing players though, every time he gets dropped and goes back to Essex to play crap, he becomes a much better player. If we drop him a few more times, he'll be Sachin Tendulkar. I guess there's no reasoning with England's selectors. A guy is 26 and has never looked like an international cricketer ... but he's the next in-line. Replacing fools with idiots.

Well, whilst I share you sentiments for his shittitude, I don't agree with you regarding him and Belfohl™. I would agree if Belfohl™ was at 3 and Chavi was going to replace him. But as it is, he'll be coming in at 6. We don't need an 'innings builder' like Belfohl™ at 6. Number one and three fit that criteria in this side. At least Flopara can occasionally smack the ball. Personally, I don't want either of them in the side, but we should be realistic.

Chivalry Augustus wrote:Ravi Bopara is nowhere near as good a ODI batsman as Ian Bell. Bopara must have played nigh on 50 ODIs, and he has scored slowly and lowly throughout. He's one of those amazing players though, every time he gets dropped and goes back to Essex to play crap, he becomes a much better player. If we drop him a few more times, he'll be Sachin Tendulkar. I guess there's no reasoning with England's selectors. A guy is 26 and has never looked like an international cricketer ... but he's the next in-line. Replacing fools with idiots.

Welly well wellity - I just stumbled across an old thread, dissecting England's then-hopeless ODI side, and here's the Gusman's take on Bopara:

He's over-rated, Ian Bell-esque garbage. He's a worse ODI player than Bell by a mile yet somehow gets raved over 'cause he's 'got a good technique.'

He knew, the Gusman. Somehow, he knew.

http://www.flamingbails.com/t6299-are-we-being-to-hard-on-england

Chivalry Augustus wrote:Ravi Bopara is nowhere near as good a ODI batsman as Ian Bell. Bopara must have played nigh on 50 ODIs, and he has scored slowly and lowly throughout. He's one of those amazing players though, every time he gets dropped and goes back to Essex to play crap, he becomes a much better player. If we drop him a few more times, he'll be Sachin Tendulkar. I guess there's no reasoning with England's selectors. A guy is 26 and has never looked like an international cricketer ... but he's the next in-line. Replacing fools with idiots.

But, but, but, Ravi Bopara bowls some drossy medium pace that means he should actually be considered a genuine allrounder and play Tests instead of Eoin Morgan. Maybe take the new ball now and again too. With the wind.

Underrated bowler, IMO. But not really what you want for a full quota in an international game. As I say, the only reason I'd stick him in ahead of Belfohl™ is because he can strike at around 90 coming in between 6 and 8.

Brass Monkey wrote:Underrated bowler, IMO. But not really what you want for a full quota in an international game. As I say, the only reason I'd stick him in ahead of Belfohl™ is because he can strike at around 90 coming in between 6 and 8.

WC 2011, Bopara, 5 innings, 141 runs @ 35, s/r 66.50, 7 x 4s, 2 x 6s

He can strike at around 90. But not in an England shirt.

His S/R, for England, when between the batting positions of 6 and 8 is 89 point something. He hits a six every three innings. Belfohl™ hits a six every 7.7 innings.

I'm not saying either are good. I'm saying one's better than the other. For a certain situation. But neither are suited to that role. But one of them are getting picked.

But the situation that counts as far as the selectors are concerned is rimming.

So Belfohl™ is clearly the preferred tonguesmith.

I respect him for that. It's that rodent like muzzle, I bet his ancestors were good and reaching deep into the anthills.

In all seriousness though, how incredibly awful that we're saying 'Belfohl™ or Flopara?' like we're on tour in some godawful ex-colonial nation without the means of replacement for both. If a mistake has been shown to have been made, change it.

That's the thing though, I suppose, with selectorial issues. Ego. They care way too much about how their judgement looks to the public and not how the team is performing. Keep letting them disappoint until the call becomes too frequent in the press to drop 'Player A'.

Sod this Bopara/Bell japery i'm still trying to work out what Steven Davies did so wrong that Bedwetter is getting a run in the side...

Davies on his own admission has not been in the best of nick this season. But his dropping from the ODI squad was inexplicable, and by rights he should have had first dibs when Prior got the flick.

Talking of Prior, anyone see his knock tonight - fecking awful.

JKLever wrote:Sod this Bopara/Bell japery i'm still trying to work out what Steven Davies did so wrong that Bedwetter is getting a run in the side...

The thing is, if Steve Davies was a batsman, he'd get in the team as a batsman. But because he's a wicket-keeper he doesn't get in? What the mother f*ck? Everyone can see that this guy has it. Everyone except them knob-face selectors. But you know what? Why the hell are we still opening with our wicket-keeper when it hasn't worked in about 8 years? I guess if we keep trying it might eventually work, but there are no signs of life there yet.

Let's try something new:

Cook
someone who can mash ball
Pietersen
Morgan
Davies+
someone who isn't crap
Fat Sam

There you go, everything is better.

JKLever wrote:Sod this Bopara/Bell japery i'm still trying to work out what Steven Davies did so wrong that Bedwetter is getting a run in the side...

Lost his form. Bedsy opened the season with a couple of one-day hundreds. Job done.

I think Moistsheets would be better served at six and that Davies lacks real substance, but that's merely my opinion and that of my alter-ego Dr Sexpotato.

Repeating what I said to Gus, yeah it was a shame that he didn't get his opportunity after the WC but I reckon it was more how strong the selector's erections for Kieswetter were than anything he did.

Since then?

Not plenty:

List 'A' - 154 @ 30.80, S/R 96

Twenty20 (before today): 159 @ 22.14, S/R 139

I'd add that he's usually been playing on belters. In powerplays.

So, if anyone's talking about the man because of tonight's performance then I'd accuse them of being a little Trevish...

Small sample size. Bear in mind also that he has just been raped by the selectors. Not bad figures, them isn't, considering circumstances. Plus the Gusman has always been a Davies man. I was pro-Davies just the other day, when that knob Kieswetter was picked. I always pick an Englishman over some foreign c*nt.