Eng squad for first Test vs SL (warning, Chris Woakes)

Alastair Cook, Moeen Ali, James Anderson, Gary Ballance, Ian Bell, Stuart Broad, Chris Jordan, Liam Plunkett, Matt Prior, Sam Robson, Joe Root, Chris Woakes

Dropped since the last series: Pietersen, Stokes, Bairstow, Borthwick, Rankin, Carberry, Tremlett, Panesar

Or, to put it another way, the seven darlings of the ECB who haven't been scapegoated in any way since the last series (presumably because they were so awesome): Cook, Anderson, Ballance, Bell, Broad, Prior, Root

No spinner, as predicted. Moeen surely inked in to bat six and tweak a few. Four man seam attack, Woakes (f*ck me dead - what on earth do they see in him?) and Liam Plunkett v3.92b duking it out for the final spot.

Inspirational.

Alastair Cook's New Dawn/Era of English cricket starts here . . .

The arse-lickers were always guaranteed a slot - those seven you mentioned - whilst the inclusion of Woakes and Prior defies honest belief.
Root FFS.

However, I am glad that both Moeen and Jordan have been given a gig (FFS not junket Plunkett) .

Stokes left out because he needs more overs under his belt. That's the official line from James Shittaker,

Number of overs bowled this season: Stokes 41, Broad 51.

So he was short by just 10 overs. Spell and a half.

Uh-huh.

That's looking like a seriously harmonious team.

Merlin wrote:(FFS not junket Plunkett) .

It's a sign of some desperate times that he has to be the preferred option to fill the final place in the attack. There's a good chance he'll be shite, but he's been off the radar for long enough to allow that sliver of hope that maybe this time it'll be different.

Woakes is just shite. There is no sliver of hope that anything has changed between the last time he was shite and now, because everything about him is shite.

vilkrang wrote:That's looking like a seriously harmonious team.

Yeah, they can do away with the physio - it's going to be back-rub central in there.

No Stokes?

Chris Blowkes? Cool. I heard he's really nice and has perfect table manners. I'm just glad for Alastair, they'll have great dinners together in the evening where they can politely talk about farming, Waitrose and how nice their families are. After the nasty time he had in the winter, I think Cook jolly well deserves someone who'll really appreciate him.

It's almost like having a team full of favourite nephews.

JGK wrote:No Stokes?

Probably a bit too headstrong at this stage in the Cook revolution. Once he's mastered grovelling deference to the dear leader (and meek surrender in the face of opposition hostility) he'll be reconsidered.

At the moment, he still thinks they're trying to win games of cricket. It's kind of cute.

(Official line is he hasn't got enough overs under his belt yet after returning from his self-inflicted injury. Given that Broad has only bowled 10 overs more this season, I'd suggest that's a bit bollocksy. Probably trying to make a point regarding his self-inflicted injury. Or something. Who knows what goes on inside that selection room/sex dungeon?)

I can't see any way back for Carberry or Tremlett now. KP is more likely than either of them to get another reprieve if England is subjected to a hiding or three (which won't happen, so he's gone for eternity too). Stokes will come again and Bairstow might, if someone sorts out that gap in his defence (the one that makes Stacey Martin look like a cloistered nun). Panesar - gone for good too, pissed his career away.

lardbucket wrote:I can't see any way back for Carberry or Tremlett now. KP is more likely than either of them to get another reprieve if England is subjected to a hiding or three (which won't happen, so he's gone for eternity too). Stokes will come again and Bairstow might, if someone sorts out that gap in his defence (the one that makes Stacey Martin look like a cloistered nun). Panesar - gone for good too, pissed his career away.

They'll drink from the Monty well a few more times as it dawns on them that there are literally zero spinners within a country mile of international class in country cricket - or even youngsters on the horizon.

Monty'll be the new Tuffers - they won't want to have to keep picking him, but they're not going to play on a damp green top every match.

but you've got Simon Kerrigan now ...

No sudden comeback from Swann?

Nahhh, I saw him smarming the shit out of himself for Five Live or whatever bollocks it is. Comfortable in his own skin, he is. Conceited tosser, some say.

Pretty much as expected, I suppose, even Woakes.

Presumably Moores will be attacked now for reverting to Mattsussex instead of becoming a nepotiser of 'Joslancs'.

I'm not sure that's the key point, or the real point of weakness.

The key point is at least four of those lined up between 1 and 6 showing the nous and application (and batsmanship) to get some f.. sorry, bloody runs on the board.

TBF, all of them are in form. We'd about 25 players to choose from that're all doing the biz in CC - it's just a choice which ones you'd think would behave themselves in a Michelin starred restaurant.

Doesn't look too bad a side. What was Stokes' self inflicted injury?

And what of Jack Brooks? Wasn't he in the A side not too long ago? Would've thought he'd be in the reckoning.

Wasn't expecting Woakes (who does in their right mind?), especially as Prior is back. So, it's between him and Plunkett for the last spot then. Has it really come to this?

Brass Monkey wrote:Nahhh, I saw him smarming the shit out of himself for Five Live or whatever bollocks it is. Comfortable in his own skin, he is. Conceited tosser, some say.

The media should stop giving him gigs and tell him to get a pain-killing injection or two and get the fark back in the nets at Trent Bridge. Unfinished business, like a proper Nottingham sporting legend took care of last weekend.

I guess Woakes is effectively the stand-in for Stokes until he's fully fit/learned his lesson about twatting metal lockers. Not good enough with bat or ball though. Prior I think is fair enough if he's properly fit, he's had one bad year after several good ones and the batting line-up looks a bit raw even without the prospect of having an inexperienced keeper as well. But another poor season and they will move on. Plunkett, too 2007 for my liking, is Saj Mahmood next in line?

We're obviously lacking a front-line spinner and a genuine "enforcer" batsman, it may be enough against SL in early-ish season conditions but we won't beat good teams when it doesn't swing. Just like the JAMODI stuff really.

Oh yeah, no Fatboy Tim. Well done Willy Wonka and the Oompa-Loompas for that one at least.

tricycle wrote:Doesn't look too bad a side. What was Stokes' self inflicted injury?.

Had an argument with a locker room door on the eve of the World T20 tournament.
The door won and he was left with a broken wrist.

Giles Clarke, Alastair, Angus and Peter all frown upon such misdeeds, which do not bode well,
especially when fine dining in gourmet restaurants over a six course dinner.

The fact that he's a decent cricketer with a tinge of aggression has absolutely nothing at all to do
with the decision to ignore him.

Had an argument with a locker room door on the eve of the World T20 tournament.
The door won and he was left with a broken wrist.

Oh dear   

I hope Robson survives long enough to face Australia. Should make for an interesting contest.

Merlin wrote:Alastair Cook's New Dawn/Era of English cricket starts here  . . .

The arse-lickers were always guaranteed a slot - those seven you mentioned - whilst the inclusion of Woakes and Prior defies honest belief.
Root FFS.

However, I am glad that both Moeen and Jordan have been given a gig (FFS not junket Plunkett) .

Oversaw Robson's selection.
Good luck to the lad - and glad that he too has been given a gig -
though am still not sure he's quite ready for International cricket.
The fear, of course being that if he fails he'll be thrown onto the scrap heap
just as Compton and Carberry were . . .

Well, there's every chance of a few revolving door places if results don't improve. As long as the "established" players aren't considered undroppable whatever they do...

As for "not quite ready", it's not as if he's 17... do they leave counties to develop players (in most cases badly) until their late 20s, or let them learn at the top level and if they're good enough they can potentially have long and successful Test careers?