Re: The Friday Funny

by Bradman Thu 04 Apr 2019, 23:35

There must be a treasure trove of quality brexit jokes out and about but haven't come across any. Case of like massacres, rape and battered kids it's no laughing matter?

by horace Tue 13 Aug 2019, 23:53

So Lords' Test eve. Everyone looks forward to this. Our English friends know the cricketing world reveres the ground and matches played there. It is almost as famous as the MCG.

But it looks like rain may make a mess of this Test.

In rain delays have a squizz at these jokes

LINK

by Growler Wed 14 Aug 2019, 03:27

I was taking the little white Growler (my avatar) for a walk earlier.

A young family approached, and said "What a beautiful dog. Does he like children?"

I replied "Yes, he loves them actually - but he makes such a mess, I stick to canned food now"

They did see the funny side and made a fuss of him, as he is friendly with people.

by horace Wed 14 Aug 2019, 04:57

Growler wrote:I was taking the little white Growler (my avatar) for a walk earlier.

A young family approached, and said "What a beautiful dog. Does he like children?"

I replied "Yes, he loves them actually - but he makes such a mess, I stick to canned food now"

They did see the funny side and made a fuss of him, as he is friendly with people.

Gold.

better than most of the jokes I posted.

by Big Dog Wed 14 Aug 2019, 07:57

Growler wrote:I was taking the little white Growler (my avatar) for a walk earlier.

A young family approached, and said "What a beautiful dog. Does he like children?"

I replied "Yes, he loves them actually - but he makes such a mess, I stick to canned food now"

They did see the funny side and made a fuss of him, as he is friendly with people.

I used to have a German Shepherd many years ago. If we encountered a small dog on our walks i would let them pass explaining that small dogs are very dangerous as they tend to get stuck in his throat. I got some very questionable looks in return. Laughing

by Big Dog Thu 15 Aug 2019, 23:03

by horace Thu 15 Aug 2019, 23:26

hehehehe@that

by skully Fri 16 Aug 2019, 00:44

Logical and funny. Very Happy

by Bradman Fri 16 Aug 2019, 04:04

Been surfing the net trying to find appropriate cticket jokes. Unfortch most of them are of the 'insert,name ,year ,team here' variety.

by Big Dog Fri 16 Aug 2019, 07:31

by lardbucket Sat 17 Aug 2019, 18:42

Jontyh wrote:A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the viewing. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank cheque.

"There's no charge," he says.

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, madam," the mortician says. "It was a trifle.
You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing a beautiful blue suit. I asked his wife how she would like him dressed and she insisted he would look better in black.
So I just swapped the heads."

Not sure this one has been bested.

by Big Dog Sun 18 Aug 2019, 00:20

by Bradman Sun 18 Aug 2019, 00:46

Too soon.

by horace Mon 19 Aug 2019, 21:55

From the EFF

I’ve got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts. – Ivo Graham

by horace Mon 19 Aug 2019, 21:57

another from the EFF

What’s driving Brexit? From here it looks like it’s probably the Duke of Edinburgh. – Milton Jones

by horace Mon 19 Aug 2019, 22:02

I hate ageing. How did Andy Pandy become Andrew the Panderer?

by Big Dog Fri 23 Aug 2019, 07:14

by Demelza Fri 06 Dec 2019, 13:38

by horace Fri 06 Dec 2019, 22:04

^^^^^^^^^

Ouch.

(nice to see you Demelza - best you run away before Nigel inserts himself into that picture)

by Growler Tue 07 Jan 2020, 00:43

A new salesman was appointed as sales person at a super market.
While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they had 'Peach Jam' to which he bluntly replied, "Out of stock.".

At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in disgruntled.

It was then that the manager, who had been looking on, called him aside and told him, "When a customer asks for a product that is out of stock, you apologise for its unavailability, and then offer other types of the same product. For instance in this case if it was peach jam; offer other types of jam like pineapple jam, guava, apricot jam and so on.".

After few hours next, came in another lady who asked him for toilet paper and he politely replied, "I am sorry madam, we do not have any toilet paper right now in stock but you could try some Carbon Paper or Sand Paper".

by skully Mon 23 Mar 2020, 04:30

We need some more levity.

by Bradman Thu 26 Mar 2020, 15:15

Remarkably prescient.

by lardbucket Wed 08 Apr 2020, 22:38

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