SA journo dares to raise the 'f' word re. the Proteas.

http://www.news24.com/News24/Sport_columnists/Rob_Houwing/0,,2-2283-2291_2383124,00.html

F meaning fatties.

I'd be more impressed if he raised the 'd' word about the 'Boks.

delightful?

delectable? delerious? dilemma? deluxe? delovely?
None of the above. Something a little less clean . . .

I can't read the article. But thing is, it doesn't affect either of them. Even Kallis with his bowling.

Brass Monkey wrote:I can't read the article. But thing is, it doesn't affect either of them. Even Kallis with his bowling.

Proteas: Burgers and slips?
27/08/2008 07:57
Rob Houwing
It is not - repeat, not - my intention to turn this column into an unscientific diatribe about a subject that tends to raise hackles in the Proteas camp: their fitness or, in some circles, perceived lack of it.
There is a strong case for saying, after all, that this is not an opportune time. South Africa have just won a Test series in England for the first time in 43 years and many of my missives of late have implored that we not underestimate - as some infernally hard-to-please types already have - the profoundness of the achievement.
Let me repeat, too, that that was always clear-cut, Objective No 1 for the 2008 UK tour and what has occurred since needs to be contemplated to a very considerable degree in that context.
Yet it is true that since heady events at Edgbaston, things have tapered off unacceptably violently: pretty heavy defeat in the dead-rubber Test, a slipshod 20-run defeat in the first ODI... and I complete this column just as South Africa have played the 'Bermuda' role in a likely no-contest against Australia via utterly gutless capitulation at Trent Bridge.
(No, I apologise to Bermuda - they might well have put up a more spirited scrap against the mighty Aussies than South Africa did against England at Nottingham.)
The dice is clearly loaded now against the disinterested Proteas coming from behind to snatch the series 3-2, albeit not quite the stuff of science fiction. And it will be a major disappointment if they don't: South Africa are ranked second in the ODI world and England in the bottom half of the table, a situation compounded by losing a home series to limited New Zealand this very season.
So we will be entitled to ask a variety of searching questions if Graeme Smith's men do, indeed, return not having done the "double".
Shorter venture
I will have only a measure of sympathy for the "it's been a long tour" line quite likely to be spun by camp officials if South Africa are humbled overall in the ODIs.
This has actually been a shorter venture to England than is the norm: the 2008 tour stretches from June 29 to September 3; in 2003 the Proteas toured from June 18 to September 8 and played five, not four, Tests. The 1998 tour? More than three months!
And I suppose, too, that there never really is a good time to raise delicate issues like conditioning. After all, I cannot claim current, statistical material at my fingertips proving that certain players fall short on key criteria in that department.
But I was strongly involved in an intriguing furore last year when the cricket magazine I was then editor of ran a feature by Neil Manthorp in which Adrian le Roux, who had resigned as Proteas fitness trainer, said "use of alcohol" was a problem in the national side.
We were not exactly pilloried (or indeed sued!) over the contents of the story and, in fact, skipper "Biff" commendably took certain of the allegations in the piece squarely on the chin, confirming in a wide-ranging interview in the following edition that certain excesses may have taken place at times.
Since then, of course, the Proteas have inevitably found themselves the butt of jokes and more than a little public and pundit ridicule - although the theme appears to have switched from booze matters of late to more of a "who ate all the pies?" line of attack.
I'm not sucking that from my thumb: you have only to examine published reader text messages (I always feel we should award these limited gravitas, mind) to South African newspapers or, indeed, peruse various UK-based organs - some of them traditionally reputable - to notice a trend there.
Lead balloon
Why, even the latest edition of The Wisden Cricketer in the UK runs a particularly cheeky cartoon on the editor's page: it features the South Africa team bus with its front wheels well off the ground and the driver saying: "Would Jacques Kallis and Mark Boucher please move to the middle of the bus?"
Perhaps it will go down like a lead balloon among the parties concerned, or maybe they will make some chuckling concession to wicked British humour; I don't know.
But even Sky commentators (most of them distinguished ex-players) or broadsheet cricket scribes have not been slow to their regular, mischievous innuendo against the Proteas throughout the summer.
You know the sort of drill by now: "That was a beefy riposte by Smith," or "There's Kallis getting his considerable weight behind the ball."
Undoubtedly, there's been a pattern at work - centred on being uncomplimentary to various Proteas in terms of "excess baggage" perceptions.
Such ridicule was once the preserve, remember, of English players - certainly in the era preceding Duncan Fletcher as coach - and, watching the first ODI at Leeds the other day, I could not help suspecting uncomfortably that the "physique" boot was suddenly switching to the other foot.
All change now
I, too, remember the time when England one-day sides would feature the younger (and markedly chubbier and well less influential) Andrew Flintoff, plus not exactly quick-from-the-blocks "athletes" like Robert Key, Ashley Giles, Ian Austin and 'Dazzler' Gough.
It's all change now, with the vast majority of England players looking lean, toned and muscular - a bit like South African ODI teams of not too many years ago, featuring the likes of Hansie Cronje, Jonty Rhodes, the youthful Herschelle Gibbs, Nicky Boje and Allan Donald. Not much spare flesh there: truly a lean machine, and they darted around like panthers.
No names, no pack-drill from yours truly, but watching the Proteas at Headingley, it was more like an indelicate stampede of wildebeest at times. And not just because of the unusual tally of fielding bloopers; I just thought mobility, frankly, was noticeably down on prior levels.
I'd venture confidently that several members of that side at Leeds - including one supposedly versatile, well less than 25-year-old, which is particularly worrying - are carrying a little too much custard around the midriff and thighs.
I'd be delighted to be conclusively proved wrong - taken fiercely to task, even.
But there's been an awful lot of scornful smoke around; too much to suggest, I think, there's not a fire somewhere...
<LI>Rob is Sport24's chief writer.


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COMMENTS



Herman says: Ouch...
27/08/2008 08:28
Aye-aye Cap'n, methinks all the comments do carry some weight :-)

jimbo says: Rob
27/08/2008 08:40
how can you say that rob are you out of your mind????? JUST Kidding, i thought that is how a comment is supposed to start. Love your work rob. Good article.

Morne says: Just look at the facts Rob.
27/08/2008 08:41
Just have a good look at the England and S.A side. Which side look more fit and in shape than the other. England looks much fitter by a long shot! Even Flintoff and Harmison look fit and ready for action. Now just look at the fatties in S.A Side, Kallis, Biff, Bouch, Nel, to name a few. Pietersen also get the best out of his players cause they really respect him,..I cant say that about Smithey though.

Hennie says: Slap chops...
27/08/2008 08:44
Overweight and K*k attitude... Personified in 1st ODI when Plilander dropped the sitter. Tube arround the waist he just continued chewing the cud..min gespin!!!

Dean says: Is the real reason that
27/08/2008 09:01
all the free curries the sub continent bookies are feeding the boys is going to their waistlines?

jb says: Fitness
27/08/2008 09:10
The Proteas's performance yesterday weighs heavy on my heart. Will they improve? at chance!

Snowbro says: FORM
27/08/2008 09:19
Its not a train smash, Cricket is all about stats, we will roll back into form again, its not easy living out of a hotel, With buffet's

Chris says: Bring in Weigh-Less
27/08/2008 09:32
It looks like only weigh-less can turn things around for the Proteas. Maybe it's time for Kallis to retire and star in a verimark advert as the "before" picture for a weight loss product.

Pierre Willemse says: Weighty issue
27/08/2008 09:43
Well, at least we have been shedding some of the heave stuff over the last couple of years(Kemp, Hall, Klusener). Boucher and Kallis will step of the scale/field in the next year or so.

skapie says: to be "taken fiercely to task"
27/08/2008 09:52
by the Proteas must be a fearsome proposition! Will they wobble you to death?!

JW says: Fitness
27/08/2008 09:55
Has anyone had a look at the coach recently - not exactly a picture of slimness and health either! Put the team through their paces at the Sports Science Institute to get an objective result - I am sure it would be more 'fattening' than flattering!

Craig says: just a thought
27/08/2008 09:56
I sat and watched the highlights of lastnights game, been a bit of a heavyweight myself( 140kg) I didn't seem to notice many fatties on the field, what I thought I did notice was, Dale Steyn throwing the ball, look at his +90 miles an hour ball, there seems to be a strange slapping or throwing motion at the apex of his quicker ball. Am I seeing things or has there been a change in the rules.

Dee says: Pathetic Proteas
27/08/2008 09:58
Complacent? Unfit? Scared of Pietersen? Don't know the answer, but I am too embarassed to watch their games. One of our high school teams could probably do far better. It is really a pathetic and apathetic performance!

Eben says: Poor, poor, poor!
27/08/2008 10:07
I went to see the game yesterday, ?58 a ticket and spending more time in the car than actually seeing the Proteas lose, how disappointing, even the English was disappointed that there was no fight from the chunky monkeys in green! Maybe they had an early booking at the local curry house!

Enzo says: S.A Team
27/08/2008 10:07
What a lot of nonsence cricket from S.A.--> From that ridiculous run down the picth from Gibbs(in those conditions!!, i would love to know what target he had in mind) to thoughtless game plan: They should all go read--> The Art Of War

andre says: VERY OBVIOUS
27/08/2008 10:08
Wait until we tour Australia. The Aussies batters won't be able to see the sight screen and the viewers won't be able to see the Aussie batters

steve g says: nice article
27/08/2008 10:16
nice article rob. It just think that the boys have had their lips stuck to the pie machines since the test win! they'll work off eventually if they spend more than 2 hours on the field!

Janco says: Makes no sense
27/08/2008 10:17
The same "fatties" won the test series you know... Biff was the hero then and no one mentioned his weight... now all of a sudden because we're loosing he's to fat? You don't get fat overnight and although I'm not saying they are in great shape, I think it?s more of a mental block than them being to fat all of a sudden! I think the boys came over to England with one goal in mind and that was to win the Test Series which they've done brilliantly and now they think the job is done and they can't focus on the ODI's. That?s what the Australians as so good at? being mentally fit and prepared and we need to work on our mental fitness if we want to beat them and become number one! I agree that the guys are not as fit as what they should be but it?s more a mental thing than them being overweight all of a sudden...

Stephans says: Back to India
27/08/2008 10:24
As a former cricketer who has been to the sub continent five times, perhaps the boys need to relocate their training camps. A little Dehli belly would surely go a long way to helping the lads get back in shape. Someone please put a chain on the fridge!!!!!!!

GT says: Fat bastard
27/08/2008 10:39
Spot on - they closed off the comments on Art Turners blog of yesterday which I am sure is the motivation for this article. Philander is fat Kallis & Bouch are plump Smith is big boned Shocking! too many Lamb Kormas during the IPL perhaps?

Tanzwes says: LONG TOUR
27/08/2008 10:42
Expats all around the world work away from home for long periods of time in sometimes dangerous or just downright terrible places, but that is what they do for a living. I really do not think our sportsmen should be complaining about being away from home for so long, as it is what they get paid to do and generally in good places with nice hotels. Where are the old days of tours departing on a ship that takes you 10 to 14 days to get to your destination and then still the return awaits. Come on guys stop the excuses and play the game.

SPIKE says: nice article
27/08/2008 10:53
Those guys are all professionals..and that includes being in shape. Saw Kallis last night, he could barely bend down in the slips...wat nog hardloop agter die bal aan!! What happened to their fitness trainer or was he left at home!

jb says: Janco, listen ...
27/08/2008 11:13
... in test cricket fatties can stand around in the slips. In ODI's you need 11 fast (not fat!), fit (not fat!) fielders.

Lelebell says: Pathetic performance
27/08/2008 11:26
No hope for proteas. I think they performed liked schoolboys and should all go for motivation classes. I doubt after last night performance that we will improve as we are de-motivated and kp scares us so I think we should all go home as I will never watch them again.

</LI>

I'd warrant that we'd played some decent cricket in reference to the decline of SA's fortunes. Were we 'too skinny' when they were giving us a beat down? Doubt it.

Brass Monkey wrote:I'd warrant that we'd played some decent cricket in reference to the decline of SA's fortunes. Were we 'too skinny' when they were giving us a beat down? Doubt it.

Test cricket is different though. The corpulent crew can be hidden in slips and the game is played at a more leisurely pace.

SA is in definite freefall and the extra ballast is not helping its cause.

Hidden from what, though? Kallis isn't out of form because he's porky - he's been like that for years. Boucher still barely makes mistakes behind the stumps. Smith was the best I've ever seen him when he's been the fattest I've ever seen him. If you're on about in the field, they've got 4 poor ground fielders(Smith, Kallis, Ntini and Nel) and two of them are fast bowlers - which you kind of expect. And neither of them are the fattest.

Ntini is in the worst shape he's ever been. He has a slight pot. Maybe the poor fielding of Kallis and Smith is a good argument for them to skip the one dayers and allow younger, more nimble types take their places. In the frenetic pace of T20 and ODIs you simply can't afford to have fielding liabilities. And why can't professional cricketers get into shape anyway. It's time they were placed on a diet or have their wages reduced. Maybe they need those stomach staples that are becoming popular with many weight-conscious women.

Well, Rouge, I'll have to disagree. You're being a silly sausage.

Brass Monkey wrote:Well, Rouge, I'll have to disagree. You're being a silly sausage.

You mean you don't advocate professionals present in optimum condition?

BTW Kallis hasn't really performed in ODIs for some time now.

Check his recent record. He certainly doesn't make the runs too often at a decent pace when his team requires him to.

Red wrote:
You mean you don't advocate professionals present in optimum condition?

BTW Kallis hasn't really performed in ODIs for some time now.

Check his recent record. He certainly doesn't make the runs too often at a decent pace when his team requires him to.

Well, yeah, I do. But I'm saying that if there's no hinderance, I see no problem. They mention Gough in that article. I seem to remember him bowling 90MPH and being a decent fielder.

Ian Bell hasn't performed either. He's skinny as a rake.

Tinker isn't skinny, he's a stocky little lad. Almost nuggety, though decidedly ungrouse.

Red wrote:You mean you don't advocate professionals present in optimum condition?

Obviously Smith has copied Warne too much.

Bell is indeed stocky. And a skinny player not performing doesn't really strengthen the argument.

I prefer the spelling of hindrance in this way Brass Monkey. They might do it differently in pomland though.

taipan wrote:

Red wrote:You mean you don't advocate professionals present in optimum condition?

Obviously Smith has copied Warne too much.

If he was smart he would emulate his more redeeming qualities, including tactical acumen. Nobody though would ever suspect him of being overendowed of the charcoal-coloured matter.

Red wrote:Bell is indeed stocky. And a skinny player not performing doesn't really strengthen the argument.

It negates yours somewhat. And Bell isn't stocky.

Red wrote:
I prefer the spelling of hindrance in this way Brass Monkey. They might do it differently in pomland though.

No. No they don't.

Red wrote:

taipan wrote:

Red wrote:You mean you don't advocate professionals present in optimum condition?

Obviously Smith has copied Warne too much.

If he was smart he would emulate his more redeeming qualities, including tactical acumen. Nobody though would ever suspect him of being overendowed of the charcoal-coloured matter.

Yep Warne had plenty of qualities all right.

taipan wrote:

Red wrote:

taipan wrote:

Red wrote:You mean you don't advocate professionals present in optimum condition?

Obviously Smith has copied Warne too much.

If he was smart he would emulate his more redeeming qualities, including tactical acumen. Nobody though would ever suspect him of being overendowed of the charcoal-coloured matter.

Yep Warne had plenty of qualities all right.

In terms of leadership, galvanising players from eclectic backgrounds and inspiring great victories through skill and charisma he has!

Red wrote:

taipan wrote:

Red wrote:

taipan wrote:

Red wrote:You mean you don't advocate professionals present in optimum condition?

Obviously Smith has copied Warne too much.

If he was smart he would emulate his more redeeming qualities, including tactical acumen. Nobody though would ever suspect him of being overendowed of the charcoal-coloured matter.

Yep Warne had plenty of qualities all right.

In terms of leadership, galvanising players from eclectic backgrounds and inspiring great victories through skill and charisma he has!

Allied to his other skills of adultery, match fixing and drug taking.

taipan wrote:
Allied to his other skills of adultery, match fixing and drug taking.

Assaulting a child?

Which match result did he fix?

taipan wrote:

Red wrote:

taipan wrote:

Red wrote:

taipan wrote:

Red wrote:You mean you don't advocate professionals present in optimum condition?

Obviously Smith has copied Warne too much.

If he was smart he would emulate his more redeeming qualities, including tactical acumen. Nobody though would ever suspect him of being overendowed of the charcoal-coloured matter.

Yep Warne had plenty of qualities all right.

In terms of leadership, galvanising players from eclectic backgrounds and inspiring great victories through skill and charisma he has!

Allied to his other skills of adultery, match fixing and drug taking.

Smith might benefit from womanising lessons.

freddled gruntbuggly wrote:Which match result did he fix?

Pitch info taily, pull the other one.