England v New Zealand, 2nd ODI, Ageas Bowl, 2 June, 2013

furriner wrote:275 all out-ish?

Legend.

Oh dear, Beefy's got all the answers again - like he always has after a series loss in which he bigged up England before it started.

He'd do well on this forum.

I think his team was:

Cook
Trott
Bell
Root
Morgan
Bairstow
Prior
Bresnan
Broad
Swann
Anderson
Finn
Onions

And Pietersen and Tremlett to return.

So, picking the bones out of his garbled knee-jerkery, England need to somehow play between 13 and 15 players to get winning games again.

Well played Trotter anyway. You showed just what a selfish bastard you are the rest of the time with your innings of hard running and calculated risk.

And there we have it, Captain Cook thinks we bowled well until the 43rd over.

So if we could just tighten up that minor quibble, the happy days will surely return.

Well worn path, but the shiteness of Dernshite does not cease to amaze. Death bowling specialist?

They like his variety, the way he mixes up full tosses that get smashed over the ropes with long hops that get crushed into the stand and slower balls that get pulverised into orbit and good old fashioned length balls that get bum raped by a pack of coked up gorillas.

Redefines "death bowler". Murders any chance his team might have had.

That should stand out even in Istanbul square.

Because of Dernbach's utterly abject 'variety', Bresnan goes under the radar... He's averaging 36 and a half after seventy-odd ODIs. He's tonk-fodder on anything apart from the most 'Septembery' of conditions.

There's no point in talking about Dernbach - he's keeping a spot warm. Bresnan isn't. He's a fully-fledged, paid-up member of this first XI. He's regarded of highly in almost every cricketing circle, apart from the opposition side's batsmen.

Even if Derncrap is only "keeping a spot warm", the question is why they keep going back to him. Surely the NTPFEA stamp should have been applied to his file some time ago?

Agree Bresnan is a bit rubbish as well, even if only the third crappiest bowler in the current line-up, but we just seem so short of options. The frontline four - Anderson, Swann, Broad and Finn - won't play every series due to age (in the case of the first two), workload and fitness concerns. Then there's Onions and Tremlett - also old and sicknote-y. We need to find the next generation of England bowlers and nobody is standing out. Guess Bored Wankin' will get a game on Wednesday, but can't see him being much improvement on Joakes and Turdbach...

Breswoakbach would struggle to get a game for Bangladesh.

And yet some are still blaming Trott,

FMD!!! 3-359???!!!! That man Guptill again. And a tidy 44 off 19 from Mukka.

Joyzus, that's a shellacking.

Dirtbag - 0-87. [snigger]

Bresnan never goes under my radar. I've always had his number.

He's a number 2.

Opening batsman?

Maybe right-back for the football team, can't be any worse than Glen Johnson.

Glen Johnson! Sweet baby Jesus is that guy the definition of a passenger.

He used to be an appalling defender who just about justified his place in the side due to his rampaging attacking runs down the flank.

But he doesn't even bother to do that anymore.

He's just some pudgy, sweaty bloke jogging around aimlessly.

Southampton's Nathaniel Clyne will have his place in no time. Unless Roy is still England manager, because he only selects from five clubs.

beamer wrote:Bresnan gets the new ball this time... starts with a wide. Can Luke Wonky improve on his debut effort?

The Kiwi's are finding out why we did'nt GAF when he took off over the ditch.

Big Dog wrote:

beamer wrote:Bresnan gets the new ball this time... starts with a wide. Can Luke Wonky improve on his debut effort?

The Kiwi's are finding out why we did'nt GAF when he took off over the ditch.

but at least one australian has won an international cricket match in england this season

skully wrote:FMD!!! 3-359???!!!! That man Guptill again. And a tidy 44 off 19 from Mukka.

Joyzus, that's a shellacking.

Dirtbag - 0-87. [snigger]

Yep he is so bad he might almost be Mick Lewis.

miserable klipspringer

G.Wood wrote:miserable klipspringer

Farking platypus.

Brass Monkey wrote:

furriner wrote:275 all out-ish?

Legend.

England ODI scores seem to almost conform to a formula, Chiv A was not too far off either. Somewhere in there is a square root of 'stodgy' multiplied by 'why bother to change' to the power of 'close your eyes/ nudge and nurdle'.

taipan wrote:

skully wrote:FMD!!! 3-359???!!!! That man Guptill again. And a tidy 44 off 19 from Mukka.

Joyzus, that's a shellacking.

Dirtbag - 0-87. [snigger]

Yep he is so bad he might almost be Mick Lewis.

Or Jon, or Rawl, or any other Lewis FFS...

beamer wrote:

taipan wrote:

skully wrote:FMD!!! 3-359???!!!! That man Guptill again. And a tidy 44 off 19 from Mukka.

Joyzus, that's a shellacking.

Dirtbag - 0-87. [snigger]

Yep he is so bad he might almost be Mick Lewis.

Or Jon, or Rawl, or any other Lewis FFS...

Is Chris still in gaol?

taipan wrote:

skully wrote:FMD!!! 3-359???!!!! That man Guptill again. And a tidy 44 off 19 from Mukka.

Joyzus, that's a shellacking.

Dirtbag - 0-87. [snigger]

Yep he is so bad he might almost be Mick Lewis.

Or Shari Lewis. Even Lamb Chop would be better.