England v New Zealand, 2nd ODI, Ageas Bowl, 2 June, 2013

Henry wrote:FFS, has there HONESTLY been a worse English ODI bowler than Dernbach?

Officially, no. And the "English" is superfluous.

Whoa! Now steady on there, Mr Monk. We might need to block it out like bouncers at David Cameron's country suppers for a good 30 overs or so before we start to look gamely for the runs.

Brass Monkey wrote:Yes. Only once has such a score been chased down. But I'm certain that, once we've taken the shine off that nasty new ball, we'll be quids in.

Hopefully the ICC have changed the regulation mid-innings and England are allowed 100 overs to chase down NZ - a sort of handicapping clause. For the handicapped.

Still wouldn't back them.

Dello wrote:

Henry wrote:FFS, has there HONESTLY been a worse English ODI bowler than Dernbach?

Officially, no. And the "English" is superfluous.

You used to be such a cheerful, happy-go-lucky boy.

Now look what's become of you. You've overtaken Tim and Horace in the nasty stakes.

Our boys are only doing their best.

I think we should all jolly well rally behind them!

Brass Monkey wrote:Positive, please Dello. There's no use in deriding the quite frankly ignorant, naïve and ill thought out selections. If you've got nothing chirpy to say, f*ck off.

I've been chirpy throughout. It's been like watching a rerun of a favourite sitcom for the billionth time. I knew when all the jokes were coming, but they still raised a smirk.

Miranda? Or On The Buses?

Dello wrote:
I've been chirpy throughout. It's been like watching a rerun of a favourite sitcom for the billionth time. I knew when all the jokes were coming, but they still raised a smirk.

Me too. Unfortunately, I can pretty much remember what happens in the following episode.

Good job we have got a lot of one-day bashers in our team to chase this down.

Brass Monkey wrote:

Dello wrote:
I've been chirpy throughout. It's been like watching a rerun of a favourite sitcom for the billionth time. I knew when all the jokes were coming, but they still raised a smirk.

Me too. Unfortunately, I can pretty much remember what happens in the following episode.

Spoiler alert:

Spoiler:

Chivalry Augustus wrote:Good job we have got a lot of one-day bashers in our team to chase this down.

Don't worry, Stuart Broad's called it:

"You heard it hear 1st. Steady start, 55-1 off 10, lay it out, then Morgan and Buttler to go wild last 15 overs to win it."

I like that he has no faith in both openers surviving the first ten overs or anyone batting through.

Classic England.

Dello wrote:

Chivalry Augustus wrote:Good job we have got a lot of one-day bashers in our team to chase this down.

Don't worry, Stuart Broad's called it:

"You heard it hear 1st. Steady start, 55-1 off 10, lay it out, then Morgan and Buttler to go wild last 15 overs to win it."

I like that he has no faith in both openers surviving the first ten overs or anyone batting through.

Classic England.

England are living under this delusion that two new balls changes the playing field. I don't think it changes it at all. Conveniently for the England think-tank, it changes the playing field in our favour, to the insipid, tired way we've been playing one day cricket for thirty years. I look at other teams and I see them selecting proper batsmen who can hit the ball hard. That doesn't mean they have to be Test class players - Martin Guptill isn't Test class. But we need to build a team that has a balance between accumulation and acceleration. Not a bottom-heavy side that is under massive pressure to deliver every time the ball doesn't hoop around corners. I'm not suggesting this country is blessed with high-quality one-day batsmen, but there are some decent ones. Alex Hales has proven fairly adept at bashing in Twenty20 so it doesn't seem an illogical step to give him an opportunity.

Keep it tight... keep it tight.

275 all out-ish?

Bell tries the mooey off his sixth ball and makes no contact... got an idea how this innings is going to go.

furriner wrote:275 all out-ish?

I would imagine it will be between 240 and 260 with this team. 275 seems like a lot of runs for them to score. I hope to God England promote Morgan to 3. I'd probably bat Trott at 7 chasing this down (hopefully I've woofed him). If not 9.

Well.... going at less than a run a ball, whilst the field is restricted. Barely even dare to get out of their comfort zone. Disgraceful, really.

Chivalry Augustus wrote:

furriner wrote:275 all out-ish?

I would imagine it will be between 240 and 260 with this team. 275 seems like a lot of runs for them to score. I hope to God England promote Morgan to 3. I'd probably bat Trott at 7 chasing this down (hopefully I've woofed him). If not 9.

I was thinking that with the new ODI rules- I'm assuming they apply to this game- England may get a bit more.

Strange. No Kali-type arm-flourishing fireworks from Trott yet.

The tease! He's waiting for the last 10 overs. Obviously.

Might as well just have a net now, and get 100 not out to boost his average... let the tailenders have a slog.

Going out with a whimper.

Jos "The Finisher" Buttler's average dips into single figures again, after a brief career high of 10.

I've seen some overhyped bullshit in my time...

Hopefully Woakes scores some runs and nails down a place in the side for the foreseeable future. He's a talent. I don't know at what. Football, apparently. Gave it up to concentrate on cricket.

So he's both useless and stupid.

Dello wrote:Hopefully Woakes scores some runs and nails down a place in the side for the foreseeable future. He's a talent. I don't know at what. Football, apparently. Gave it up to concentrate on cricket.

So he's both useless and stupid.

Doubt he would have got an England cap at football... then again, if Danny Welbeck is the competition... maybe they should just swap sports?

Anyway, looks like only second home JAMODI series loss since 2009, based on the Sky stats from earlier. Shows how shit our weather's been in those summers!

And do you know what else? That 2009 shellacking by Australia was the last time England's ODI kit was red.

If you dress them as Zimbabwe, it obviously messes with their fragile little minds.