West Indies v England, 2nd Test, Grenada, 21-25 April, 2015

lardbucket wrote:Ben St Oaks seems to have some anger management issues. I blame his Mum.

lardbucket wrote:Ben St Oaks seems to have some anger management issues. I blame his Mum.

Merlin wrote:

lardbucket wrote:Ben St Oaks seems to have some anger management issues. I blame his Mum.

He's a ginge.

embee wrote:Cook Reveals His KPI’s
Written by Dennis Freedman


After yet another innings where he failed to make a century, English captain Alastair Cook has revealed how the ECB will rate his performances going forward.

I appreciate that that it is essentially two years since I have made a Test match hundred.

However, after looking at the data with coach Peter Moores, we have agreed on a better set of measures that will more accurately judge my performances as English skipper.

Cook went on to explain how it all works.

After Stuart Broad’s sister showed me video of my batting being relatively crap, it was evident that hundreds would be a poor way to help me look good in the eyes of the public.

So the ECB and I have agreed some new KPI’s that should make it easier for us both to save face.

These KPI’s are:

– How many times I pass 30 and someone from the Telegraph writes that my ‘shape’ has returned.
– Only dropping one catch per match
– How often I bowl Joe Root when I have four seamers in the side
– A ‘Kevin Pietersen selection question deflection quotient’ of greater than 0.63
– Losing the Ashes no worse than 0-5
– Maintaining the quality of the plumb in spoken words
– Whether I can remain in the right kind of family
– Spending more than £100 per week on groceries at Waitrose
– Maintaining a batting average over the preceding two years in the 30’s

Cook went on further to explain that there was a multitude of non cricketing targets in an effort to give him a chance to succeed.

As a professional sportsman, who in their right mind would want to be judged soley on how they perform in the field.

That’s madness

Brass Monkey wrote:

Merlin wrote:

lardbucket wrote:Ben St Oaks seems to have some anger management issues. I blame his Mum.

He's a ginge.

Yeah, I did think that. I resolved the gingerist issue by think that actually he's probably just a massive cockhead.

Brass Monkey wrote:I dunno... maybe he thought Samuels was a locker or something.

I can abide by him going the tonk and holing out. I can't abide by his buffet balls. Still needs a lot of work on his bowling. I'd prefer Mark Wood or Liam Plunkett, currently.

Lindsay no.2 wrote:
Really - you'd prefer Plunkett? I don't know about Wood so can't comment on him - but the ECB think he's good enough to get an 8 week holiday to the Caribbean so he must be doing something right. Stokes seems like a good fit as a 4th seamer - with the added bonus of being able to bat. I admit he does appear to offer up some filth - but when he clicks he seems to be able to bowl with pace (is he the quickest of our current quartet?) and can hit a decent line and length. Hopefully he will continue to improve in all facets of his game.

Plunkett just doesn't do it for me. Upon his recall last year he was being talked up as our version of Mitchell Johnson. That was patently nowhere near true and he just seems to be fast-ish and that's about it. Similar to Shannon Gabriel in this current match, who is obviously quick - he seems to do precious little with the ball and as such doesn't really look particularly threatening.

tricycle wrote:Wasn't he asked to bowl around the wicket short balls? The most brilliant tactic, that.

Brass Monkey wrote:

Lindsay no.2 wrote:
Really - you'd prefer Plunkett? I don't know about Wood so can't comment on him - but the ECB think he's good enough to get an 8 week holiday to the Caribbean so he must be doing something right. Stokes seems like a good fit as a 4th seamer - with the added bonus of being able to bat. I admit he does appear to offer up some filth - but when he clicks he seems to be able to bowl with pace (is he the quickest of our current quartet?) and can hit a decent line and length. Hopefully he will continue to improve in all facets of his game.

Plunkett just doesn't do it for me. Upon his recall last year he was being talked up as our version of Mitchell Johnson. That was patently nowhere near true and he just seems to be fast-ish and that's about it. Similar to Shannon Gabriel in this current match, who is obviously quick - he seems to do precious little with the ball and as such doesn't really look particularly threatening.

What was he allowed to do, though, exactly? One thing and one thing only - be a 'battering ram' on the deadest of pitches, when the batsmen were at their most set. He wasn't employed in any other situation. The show ponies got to have their fanny fun and, when they'd wasted the golden opportunities, let's get the second class citizen on and let him bend his back to the captain's one-track tactic. Hardly a fair crack of the whippage, IMO.

Brass Monkey wrote:Yeah, possibly. I'm just not sure about our firepower (surprise!) and not sure Stokes can be treated as a helpful addition in that department. Given that Buttler / Ali is at 8 I think we'll need more help taking 20 wickets. Casepoint being these Tests thus far.